lisabeth82's Journal

Minor setback
Jul 04 2009 11:54

I know I said I probably wouldn't journal for a while but in the future when I look back at yesterday I want to remember what happened so I can prevent it again.  Bottom line, after a very healthy breakfast and lunch I met some friends who decided they wanted to splurge at checkers.  So I ordered a small fry and a small vanilla milkshake.  Let me clarify here that I wasn't hungry at the time so I could have and should have passed on ordering but I kept thinking to myself, "when will I have a chance to do this again...as a special outing with friends?" So I swallowed my sense of decency and made my order.  After walking around for about 20 minutes we decided to hit up a wine bar in the area.  Once again, I put on my 'what's the harm' logic cap and was sure to order small glasses of wine.  Four glasses later I ate a small oz of gouda and a cookie.  When I got home (and this is where things got really bad), I heated up my potato gratin (the logic here was that I knew it would be spoiled by the end of the weekend) and ate all 510 calories of what remained.  Had I just had a big glass of water and some tea and saved the gratin for today I would have been fine.  All in all, if I had avoided the gratin and Checkers I would have ended the day at 1300 calories rather than 2200.  It's funny how one bad step leads to several other missteps.  At least I majority of my day walking around the city.  I just wish I didn't feel so bloated right now.

Blah
Jul 02 2009 23:08

I haven't written in a while and here's why.  I've been a little afraid to record my behavior.  I had a week of being way too social and eating really fattening unhealthy foods.  Alas, two good things did come out of that week.  1) I was still able to record everything I ate and drank that week (although I was really tempted to cheat and then feign surprise that I hadn't lost any weight), 2) Putting bad things in my body and going against a promise I had made to myself made me feel really awful emotionally.  I have never in my 26 years experienced that.  I've always been able to justify all of my actions in a ways that I rarely feel guilt, disappointment or even regret.  I think that week of bad food behavior brought me to not only a health milestone but also a mental one.  Once again I probably won't write for a while.  Not because I'm planning on cheating (I can pin point almost the exact day and time that'll happen again) but mostly because I'm feeling kind of blah right now and I just don't feel like it.

Best,

LB

Curse you ice cream
Jun 19 2009 19:55

So...

Today has been interesting.  I ordered Mexican food last night without bothering to check the calories online.  Anyway, considering that I'm having a bit of a cash slump I felt the need to try to eat all of it between yesterday and today.  Overall, it wasn't that much but I'm used to smaller portion sizes now so I feel like I'm going to explode. When I decided to eat lunch in the city today, I decided to save the left overs until tomorrow. Then on my way home I stopped to get some juice because I thought I would have overnight guests and got some ice cream for emergency as well.  Of course when I got home I got a call telling me my guests weren't coming.  My lack of self control tempted me to eat a 1/2 cup of ice cream.  Then I had an epiphany.  I'm better off without these foods in my home at all.  Having a little bit of ice cream or Mexican everyday isn't really changing my eating habits its just controlling my portion sizes.  What I need to do is change the foods that actually go into my mouth.  More fresh veggies, fruits and lean proteins I say.  With that in mind, I've decided to finish off the leftovers and ice cream tonight.  I'll feel like crap later on no doubt and will probably pass on any strenuous exercises (unless I feel ok later).  The hope is that in the morning I'll wake up and start anew while basking in the shame of knowing I consumed nearly 2300 calories today.  Sadly, 2300 calories is probably the equivalent to a full lunch and dinner out on a typical day in New Orleans (I don't even want to think about how many calories are in a Cochon de Lait PoBoy or Crawfish Monica).  I know that if I stay focused and keep myself busy I can do this!

Again...
Jun 15 2009 22:25

So once again it is after 10 pm and I am craving.  Unlike last night, I've realized that I'm not starving this time of night I'm just having mental cravings.  Maybe I should invest in crystal light or something so I'm not so reliant on water and the "variety" won't make me crave the bad stuff so often.  I'm reading a book about a mother dying and leaving these letters and a journal to her daughters which has given me some justification.  Life is short...so I'm ordering a pizza.  Hopefully, I'll stop after my second slice (probably really my third).  Whatever the case, since I didn't exercise today (5 days in a row entitles me to a break) and my lock arrived from Amazon I'm probably going to the gym tomorrow after Dr. D.  I think what really happens is that I get bored.  I really have nothing to do but watch tv and read this book which is truly too depressing to read this late at night.  I know I'll probably go out on Wednesday night too, which was all the more reason to skip the pizza but c'est la vie.  Live and let live.  I need to learn from my mistakes and realize why I'm making them.  Plus I can only do one thing cold turkey at a time and since the thing I've chosen is more life threatening I think I could live with late night binging for at least another week.  If I can begin to change every exercise and dieting habit I have this week but this one thing...well that's good enough for me. Aren't I good with my justifications.

Snacking
Jun 14 2009 23:36

I can't tell if I'm starving or having a bad craving.  I really want something to snack on.  Something sweet or really salty with BREAD.  I definitely need to work on going to sleep earlier.  I think I only start to crave certain things as it gets later in the evening.  Either that, or I'm not eating the right things throughout the day.