I am back - trying to refocus
Aug 04 2008 08:51

It has been so busy but I need to get back into gear again - I hope you all are still my "friends"

My weight has gone back up to 248 in the past month not being particularly bad, but not being particularly good. Time to continue on.  I look forward to participating again.

We have been busy looking for a bigger home - my father has accepted that we really need a live in caregiver and the goal is for him to buy a home large enough for two families, me to sell mine, and then put my equity into the new home as well and to make payments towards the new home [we will share that burden] Gotta go - have to have a productive work day.

Nancy

Day 93
Jul 03 2008 08:02

243.8

Ok so I am just taking off until after the 4th. I am not going to do anything bad - I don't binge and really do not eat a lot,  but things just really don't make a difference anymore so I am going to take a few days "off" then get back on with a refocused commitment this weekend.

I am sorry. I will be back but this clearly is not working right now and I want a break from it.

Day 91 and 92
Jul 02 2008 08:28

243 and 242.4

Sigh.

Back from all my dog stuff.  All I can do is renew my commitment - again.

I am looking forward to getting a good night sleep tonight - three nights in a row of not getting to bed until after midnight have taken their toll.

Sunday night - late due to search

Monday night -  the caregivers husband got drunk.  Good grief - he was over an hour late so I took her home way out in the middle of nowhere.

Tuesday night - late due to search.

Even if we get a call today - I am not going - the most dangerous part about search and rescue is the drive back after the search.   It was disheartening to see that my trend line has gone up some - [first time THAT has happened] but I still feel like overall I am inching -- albiet slowly - down.  I have not broken 240 for YEARS that is all I can figure.  I think

Day 90 - New low
Jun 30 2008 08:25

241.6

I won't be posting for the next few days other than my weight or commenting on journals

We had a search callout last night [live search and victim was found alive] - tonight is dog training and there is a scheduled cadaver call tomorrow for which I will have to take off early.  Also have a lot to do at work.  So short of keeping up with my food log and short entries in journal - very short - no responses until Wednesday ----- so I have not disappeared.

I am happy about the new low - I ate 2200 calories but my burn [don't know what burn meter says] calories from excercise were over 2000.

Days 88 and 89 - long day coming
Jun 29 2008 07:56

243 and 242.6, each day - still slowly struggling to break this plateau ........

At least it looks like I *should* be down a bit for the week - getting ready to go for a LONG walk.

Mom is in the bedroom crying and, for the past hour, has refused to let anybody get her out of bed.  I do not know what is going on; she does not appear to be physically hurting in anyway.  I hate to say I will be glad when all this is OVER.  I want my life back.  Well there is a caregiver here and I am going on a walk.

Grim is over at a team mate's house.  He will have a good weekend!  Already tied once and they will repeat the breeding again today.  No lectures there, dog is working certified, healthy, and OFA good with a good pedigree. He will miss training Monday night but that is ok, we have an organized search on Tuesday and I worked him yesterday morning and he did not miss a lick.

Ah well getting ready to go for a walk and today I am going to plan a program of toning excercises.  May bring the Nordic track back in the house if we can figure out where to put it.  Maybe a spot in the tiny bedroom we are sharing - it always made a good clothes hanger if nothing else.....

 Well, it was 10:30 before we hauled her ass out of bed. I did get to go on my walk and I went the long way because it is supposed to storm this afternoon. Getting ready to go clean up dog stuff in the garage and clean the back of my truck. That should burn some calories.

Dagy 87
Jun 27 2008 05:14

243.6

This is freakin unfair and I am sick of it.  I does not make a damned bit of difference what I do. How the hell can I be sick and have the runs for two days, eating next to nothing,  The third day eat 1300 calories and the 4th day 1400 caloires, excericise for 75 minutes on the 4th day and not loose any freakin weight!

I really am hitting a desparate point. I know I have to keep going because if I give up I will gain it all back and more. This sucks. 

Day 86
Jun 26 2008 08:53

242.2

Ok the average is dropping even if the numbers are not day to day.

I walked this morning, logged food. Have a good attitude.  Nothing more to add right now, have a lot of work to do.

Day 85
Jun 25 2008 07:03

241.8

Ok I think we are getting right again - the diarreah has passed but I have to be gentle on my stomach - this one causes pain all over [my daughter and her family have had it and that is probably where I got it]

Anyway - not walking again yet due to the abdominal pain - it is ok to heal up

I went back and looked over the notes again and the plateau period has a lot of time when I did not record food due to travel, this or the other thing.  I don't think I am ready to drop recording food on more than one day at a time. Need to remember this and also need to get back into logging the excercise and goals.

Day 84
Jun 24 2008 08:24

242.2

Ok - that is artificial - stomach virus and the runs - cannot eat hardly anything. So I know it is falsely low.

Day 83
Jun 23 2008 08:23

244.6

No comment - I am still here -- once again knowing I really did not eat enough to gain 2lbs - but I did do some bad things --

Toby is still with us, too. Today is his last day - he would not eat a hot dog and cannot sleep on his side anymore. We have an appt at 3:40. Please pray for a peaceful end.

Must focus and get past this. At least I have not left and at least I am not shooting back up.  This is a journey --- It has been over 10 years since I went below 240 so there must be some "barrier" in me that is keeping me from breaking though. I must be keeping this from happening somehow.