lorkrige's Journal

The aspiration was not so sore
Nov 25 2009 08:32

but afterwards it really burnt a lot, I had to take off my bra and so I didn't go back to work, I just lay on my back.   It took a good 6 hours to become bearable pain.  A lot of fluid came out, so the biggest lump is almost gone.  This morning it is painful again, and I have to go to work.   I should get the cytology report this afternoon or early tomorrow morning. 

I've had some very good eating days and from tomorrow or as soon as I have no more painful boobs, I will start walking again.  My cough is getting better, I just feel so tired all the time.  Thank goodness there has been no weight gain.

I had a sonar of my breasts, there are several lumps in them
Nov 23 2009 20:45

All the lumps seem to be fibroadenoma, but one particularly large one is round, not oblong like the others are.  So tomorrow morning I'm scheduled for needle aspiration.  I've had it before, it was really painful. 

Sunday
Oct 18 2009 19:41

So many days have passed and I feel that I have nothing to show for them.  I've just been so busy with school stuff.  I've had 2 concerts in the passed 2 weeks and a prize giving ceremony for the juniors.  Next week is like a huge mountain to climb, with something happening every day.  Unfortunately in my subject, this means a lot of preparation and extra practices and stress that the performances go well.  Also, I'm having my annual assessment.  My classroom is quite tidy, I can tidy my desk in 10 minutes, but the room needs to be cleaned thoroughly, and I just don't have the time.  Thank goodness I kept up with the admin and things which I need for the assessment, so no stress there. But the class I have to teach is a huge one and the kids can be rude.

Some of our music stands got put in the wrong place and lo and behold, a huge dove crapped all over them.  I got my class to clean all the stands, we needed them for the orchestra performance.  I took some pictures of them scrubbing away. They were absolutely disgusted, shame poor things.  We got everything clean and disinfected, so I treated them to some cup cakes.

I'm not getting round to logging in my food, but the scale is still stationary, no loss but also no gain.  No time or energy to do any exercise.  I'm still struggling with coughing and sniffs.  What actually worries me is the pain I have in my chest after a bout of coughing.  So I tend to not move around too much, so that I don't cough so much.  Today I kept to my bed from after lunch, so no coughing at all.  I managed all the housework yesterday, even all the ironing.

I do think that having logged food so regularly, I somehow have an idea of the size of the portions.  Also, I feel guilty at not doing any exercise.  I try very hard to only eat if I'm hungry and I try to stick to only good choices.  At the performances there have been finger foods available, but I've avoided most of those by getting a cup of tea and just getting a refill a few times.  At least the fruit is getting less expensive, so I got some really good apples, bananas, oranges, guavas and pineapples. 

I have decided to take each day of this week as calmly as possible.  I will start each day as follows:  dress up, ( I have already painted my toe nails), wear my sandals, put on lip stick every day, wear my new clothes, take trouble to wear matching bits of jewelery, (instead of just shiny ear rings) and most important of all:  just smile, no matter what happens.  I will pack a proper lunch for school, with fruit and a drink as well, I will avoid going to our tuck shop (with the sweets and pies).  I will say to myself:  just get through this week, next week all is over, only plain teaching, all the competions and performances are over until December.  Oh dear, I really feel quite anxious.

I'm back
Sep 30 2009 19:11

after a week away with a group of my pupils.  We went to George, a town about 430km away.  We participated in an arts and culture competition and we WON!!!!!  This made the whole trip worthwhile. (I put some pics in my gallery).

I'm feeling a lot better, even though I'm still coughing up phlegm, but only in the mornings.  The weather is also quite hot - 24 deg most days.  I have this week off, so I'm not going outside early in the morning, when it's quite cool.  From tomorrow I will walk again and log all my food as I should.  I have not gained any weight this past month, but then I haven't lost any either. 

Fatcat was so glad to see me, he ran up and down like a little dog.  He insisted on sleeping against my legs all night.  From tonight he must sleep on his special chair, next to the bed.

Saturday evening
Sep 12 2009 21:38

The weather is glorious, lots of spring flowers and a very blue sky.  The huge ship that ran aground is in danger of breaking up and polluting the west coast with oil.  This is really bad news.

I'm still feeling tired all the time, I sleep during the day, as much as I can fit in.  I stayed at home and in bed on Thursday and Friday.  I still had to grade my 70 papers for Monday, I did them in smaller packs.  Co and Ry helped with all the washing etc, so really light duty for me. I have a rip roaring headache and have to write down anything to remember it.  My chest still feels tight, I'm coughing a lot and also sneezing a lot.  Just feeling miserable.

Tuesday
Sep 08 2009 20:38

Tomorrow I finish off my antibiotics and I have to see my GP again.  I'm feeling a lot better, just somehow weak with no stamina. I've been eating maintenance, I have to get my strength back for the long drive on the 23 Sept, to the competition which is 426 km away.

The weather has turned cold and at last we have had a few days of rain, on and off.  This is very necessary, our dams are not full yet for the summer lying ahead.  The fires will start up again soon, and then we lose all that water.  How can these crazy people set the mountains on fire, year after year?

Another ship has stranded on the West coast, at Bloubergstrand.  Check out the photo in my gallery if you like.

Saturday
Sep 06 2009 15:32

My GP was very firm with me, I have to stay in bed until I've used up the 5 day antibiotic course, I have Bronchitis.  Ch says he wakes up at night and can hear me wheezing away.  I also have sinusitis.  I actually went to see my GP because I constantly feel exhausted and I thought my asthma needed to be monitered, the sprays aren't working any more.

I'm not so depressed any more, I have found some peace in myself. I just read a good book and enjoyed it very much.  My eating plan is good, the scale has shown another SLIGHT loss, but I'm happy with that, seeing that ex is out of the question at the moment.

Spring is here
Sep 04 2009 14:55

and the days are getting longer.  Today is our first real Spring day, we've had some stormy winds and a bit of rain.  I took a photo of the early rising sun, the clouds were pink streaks across a blue sky.

This loud colleague at work has still not officially apologized for her behaviour, but via the grapevine I have been told that she is telling other people that she doesn't know what made her go on like that.  Some people who heard her going on, have confronted her, they wanted to know what I did.  They have even come to ask me!  Sorry girl, you have to face me and appol, your behaviour sucks.  I don't actively avoid being next to her, but I don't speak to her directly, which is not really unusual, I don't work directly with her.

I'm eating better now, counting properly, back on track.  My cough and sinusitis has not cleared up yet, I'm going to take a nap this afternoon, I feel very tired.  This was week 5 of my bout of flu.

I think I had some kind of a break down
Sep 01 2009 19:57

because on Friday I just could not stop crying.  I had been feeling tearful thru the week before that, because on Sunday Ch had been very rude to me.  I have had a lot of deadlines to meet for school and a lot of running around and pressure to perform, especially with my pupils.  So I also had no energy left for myself, I worked most days from 7am to 4:30pm, then still did the usual chores and prep for the next day.  I've tried to eat well, some kids gave me thank you chocs and I only ate some of them, I gave most away.  That was HARD.  My scale finally broke completely, I'll be able to get another one this weekend.  This is bad, I have to weigh at least every 2nd or 3rd day, it motivates me to keep going.

So there I was on Friday morning, just doing my job, and this B******y grade head comes along and attacks me for something I know nothing about.  So I stare at her in amazement, wondering exactly how to react, decided to just freeze until she goes her blustering way.  I actually felt like smacking her, to stop her from talking to me in that way.  I've never smacked anybody in my life.  I still don't know what it was about, and she pretends everything is OK when she sees me (every morning).   Normally we have an excellent working relationship, although she has a reputation for being rude.  The ruder members of staff have NEVER been rude to me, I'm surprised when they are described as being rude, I'm not someone to go around picking fights, some people on the staff don't even know where my class is, I'm very quiet, I hate being the centre of attention.  The loudest classes I've had to deal with quiet down a lot when I teach them, I don't know how to handle loud people.  This loud grade head is able to control 269 of our 17 year old pupils in one go.  And they have lots of respect for her.  I don't any more.

Anyway, so I go to the bathroom, because I just feel the tears coming on.  And I start crying, and I just could not stop.  It was so embarrassing. I had an external inspection of my practical pupils on the same day, with the circuit manager present and 4 other staff members.  And the pupils.  And I had to accompany them individually on the piano.  And I just could not control my tears.   I was done with the inspection at about 9:30 and went to hide in my classroom, and I just could not stop.  Eventually I could go home at 1pm.  I got straight into bed and just lay there, I only got up to shower later and then stayed in bed until 4pm Saturday.  I told Ch that I did not feel well, and he (for a change) actually looked after me.  He brought me tea and food.  He never once asked what had upset me.  Some relationship.

By Sunday my tears had dried up and I went thru the motions of making food etc.  Co and Ry didn't come home for the weekend, they are writing exams and prefer to stay at uni to study.  Today is Tuesday, I'm still exhausted, but thankfully the tears have gone.  On Friday Ch's step brother passed away suddenly (heart attack) so he has been helping his mom.  This guy was never married, has no kids, no house, nothing, so it was quick to clear out his room.  The landlord wanted it cleared by today, he wants to put in a new tenant.  They did not know him very well, Ch's mom has only been married for the past few years, and this guy who passed away was 52 years old.

So why this storm of tears? It really puzzles me.  In a way I felt frightened, out of control, what's the matter with me?  Wouldn't a more natural reaction to this attack from this woman have been anger?  I felt absolutely none.  Only shame and embarrassment. 

So.  Tomorrow I again will have no time to do any exercise.  Hopefully on Thurs I'll be able to get some exercise.  I know this will lift my spirits again.  Today was Spring Day. We used to, as kids, have a concert at school and give each other home made good luck cards.  And we wore pretty dresses to school, and flowers in our hair.

Lots of rain
Aug 18 2009 20:04

fell today, some roads are flooded with water.  The garden is so green and the clouds make these amazing patterns, there must be one strong wind up there, I can watch the clouds come from the mountain and actually see the rain as it approaches.  Ch lit a fire at 5 this evening, it is so cold (10deg).  Fatcat promptly got onto the nearest chair and he bit Ch when he tried to move him over!! 

I worked non stop from 7:30 this morning, till 4:30.  I managed to eat my left over curry and rice from last night, but as I had to eat it cold, it was not such a good choice.  I got no chance to drink anything, I poured myself a glass of water and I found it sitting on my desk just before I came home.  My room is a mess, I just have no time to tidy it, I'm also so afraid that I forget to do something if I pack the paper work away.  So much admin, I wish I could get some assistance, I just can't keep up with teaching constantly and doing all this paper work as well.  When I left, the building was deserted, I made the last pupil stay with me while I locked up. I got home and just had to eat something, so I decided to have an orange, a cup of coffee (decaf) and then I had 3 biscuits, oh dear.   Now my stomach is just so uncomfortable, I'm trying to drink enough water to make up for the thirsty day, but only one glass per hour.

Dad phone again to bug me about a wooden shack for my garden, for him to live in, but I will not get bugged by him, I will now forget about him and his crazy ideas, now this instant. Oh, and he had to moan about his food again.  This time it is too much for him to eat, so he is moaning about the waste. AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!  There. Finished.  Out of my mind.

For my supper: chicken, cauliflower and a bit of white sauce, pineapple, strawberries, tomatoes, cucumber, potato and a small 1 cm block of feta.

Tomorrow I hope to get home at 3, I have some school work to finish and 70 tests to mark for Thursday, then a meeting to attend from 6 - 8.  When I told Ch and asked if he will make supper, I got shouted at. But the meeting is one that he arranged, it has to do with a problem he has with his pension or something, but I have to be at the meeting with him, cos somehow I think it's good to know what's cooking in your hubbies estate.  Of course, Ch has no interest in mine, so bad luck to him when I die before he does.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG. 

Positive thoughts:  grateful for my warm home, warm supper, warm bed, a job to go to tomorrow. Oh, and for CC friends.