loufederer's Journal
My Own WarOct 16 2007 12:29
SO, I want to be 6st11 (95lbs). That’s a stone away. And that would make me anorexic. ARGHHHH. It sounds like such a lot, especially since I’m quite slim now anyway. Well, not really. But that’s what other people think I am. Mrs Singh says I’m too thin, but I can still see the belly, and love-handles, the squidgy arse, and chubby cheeks, fat forehead. Everything is still the same. Until I am 6st11, I won’t be happy. And I won’t give up until I reach it. I don’t care how long it takes, I need to be that thin. It will look fantastic – I will be able to go out, confidently walk down the road, as one of the pretty, nigh-on perfect celebrities. It’s really difficult though – my eating problems are preventing me from functioning in any normal way, and will seriously impede my chances of getting anywhere in life. I don’t care right now. I want to achieve this weight loss, and smile! And then I will eat junk forever because I’ll be one of those skinny girls who can get away with it, the ones you hate, envy. I just need to keep going, keep eating the bran, light soya milk, cauliflower, and gravy, everyday. Everything will be FINE - and I can reward myself at the end with a big dinner out. With all the foods I adore. Pralines and Cream Haagen Dazs, Krispy Kreme doughnuts, pizza, sandwiches, cheese straws, chocolate gateaux, cereal with yoghurt, crisps, oriental crackers..... YOU GET MY DRIFT. Fats and sugars. I miss them, but not how they make me feel, and look.
450calories is happy. My bulimic Saturday is good, I like it.
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