magickmarker's Journal

ZAPPLE DAPPLE DOOM

Oct 18 2008 15:06

The next time I start avoiding people and crying over having no friends, then crying over how persecuted I am, then crying for how weak I am to be crying like this, then crying for crying, then crying because I don't make sense, then getting pissed beyond belief and unleashing the unholy hellfire on a bathroom door, feed me. I'm not a horrible b***h, just hungry.

I really didn't know I got this bad... :/

That's it.

Oct 16 2008 19:07

No more chocolate.

PMS gets me, and it gets me bad. Like curled up on my bed, bawling and crying that no one loves me and that I'm going to die alone, not caring about calories or health since I'm worthless anyway and might as well not die hungry. So yeah, once that temporary insanity had passed, I found myself at the bottom of 1.5 cups of semi-sweet chocolate chips that I barely remembered eating. (These little buggers have been my downfall since the day my mom brought them home.. and now they've gotten me again. This will not be tolerated.)

The good news is, I'm still at maintenance.

The bad news is my stomach is killing me and I feel like I'm going to vomit.

I hope y'all are having a better week than I am... ugh.

And then it hits me.

Oct 11 2008 15:37

My best friend of 11 years has been abused her entire life in every way short of sexual. She's turning into a sociopath, and I'm really the only one she can speak to honestly. Most of the time. She doesn't express any of this, and she's going to break very, very soon.

My other closest friend of 3 years is an alcoholic and has done a lot of harder things, with a similar story.

My boyfriend's best friend doesn't eat. She does speed. Her father isn't shy about how pretty she is.

My brother has cancer.

And I know other people living in foster homes thanks to what their parents have done and having nowhere else to turn. None of them deserve this.

I feel so small and useless right now.