margitdaley's Journal

Blehhhh
Nov 11 2009 13:34

I am a freshman in college and have ALWAYS hated my size. I am 5'5" and around 155 pounds. I am DESPERATELY trying to lose around 40-45 pounds. If i could be 120-125 my life would honestly be so much better. I know I know that sounds bad, but it seriously is so true. I am not saying that my life would be perfect, but a MILLION times better? yes. I don't know ANYONE else trying to lose weight, everyone at my school are seriously models. I just walk out the doors of my dorm and immediately hate myself. I want what every girl wants. To be able to slip on a little dress, throw on a pair of shoes and head to class. I want guys to notice me, I want to wear a bikini without looking in the mirror and vomitting, is that so crazy? My problem areas are my HUGE ASS, ginormous thighs and calves and a tiny bit of belly fat. Honestly my stomach isnt that bad at all and I don't really have love handles. The worst part about dieting and trying to lose weight is that fear...the fear that no matter what you do, this is the way your body will be. I am so scared that after a couples months of killing myself to lose weight nothing will change. It would break my heart if that is what I would have to deal with forever. I need support really badly. GAH i need so much really, but more importantly...I need to be thin.