meleba's Journal

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I don't know what to do.
Jun 06 2008 13:08

My doctor recommended I go to inpatient. My parents want me to go too, and they might make me.

I don't want to. I'm afraid of going away, and of losing control. The center is thousands of miles from my home. I won't know anybody. I'll be the fattest girl there. But I've trashed my heart; all the purging is destroying it. I'm sixteen, and at high risk for a heart attack.

And I can't seem to stop on my own. I've been denying it for a while, but I'm relapsing. I'm out of control.

So what now?

Replies

1. kaaatie
Jun 07 2008 00:19

I don't know, but I am so sorry that you're going through this. =( I wish I knew what to say that could be more helpful, but just know that I'm pulling for ya!

2. ofmiceandmoxie
Jun 07 2008 00:58

i've never talked to you, but i just wanna say i understand.
bulimia is wrecking my life as well, and if you have this chance to go and get better, i think it would be awesome and great and soooo just... good if you could go and maybe get some control back.
i'm really sorry, and i hope you come to the cocnclusion that's best for you.
hey, at least you were brave enough to go to the doctors. some people can't even do that.
i truly wis you the best <3

3. illusionist93
Jun 07 2008 04:31

Hey Meleba.

I'm proud of you for seeking the help you need from the doctors and not resisting it. Like what ofmiceandmoxie pointed out, some people cant even do that. I send you well wishes and hope for the best with your recovery. Everything is gonna be alright! We are here to support you. :)

4. meleba
Jun 07 2008 05:44

I kind of am resisting, though. Everyone's saying go go go, quit your job, leave your life, abandon your summer. That's not what I want to do. But they listed some scary stats about my heart and body. I'm afraid it's going to fail on me before I'm ready.

It's so tough to know what to do. I'm not even sure if the decision is in my hands: it's my parents who are going to sign the forms. They're listening to me though.

Thanks so much for your replies. I don't really have anyone to talk to offline apart from mom and dad.

5. illusionist93
Jun 07 2008 13:41

Same. I keep an open relationship with my parents regarding my obsession with counting calories, weight, and health. Some close friends are in on this too but they dont want to hear it because I tend to bring it up often and that annoys them. My parents are also getting tired of hearing my day to day questions about cals and what not (they're docs) and tell me to relax, everything in moderation, yadda yadda yadaa. They told me I should definitely talk to someone and I agree at this point. I just want to find that happy medium. I dont think I'd ever be able to give up calorie counting, though. It really is like an addiction

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