merylwhite1's Friends

So this is something I posted in the Pregnancy and Parenting Forum, but I wanted opinions, so I am writing it again.

I am thrilled to bits to be having a baby girl, but I am also secretly a little disappointed, I think. I have rather troubled thoughts sometimes about having a girl. I know its silly, but all mothers and daughters seem to have a love-hate relationship. I love my mom  very dearly, I talk to her overseas at least three times a week, I am protective of her, and I owe everything I am proud of in myself to her- but I am also so intensely aware and critical of her flaws it scares me! I am so impatient with her sometimes.

I sometimes wish it had been a boy because I know boys and their mammas have an incredibly special relationship. My mom and my brother have a much less complicated relationship than her and me!

On the other hand, I always wanted a little girl, so I am very happy! Daughters love their moms too. And I grew up without a father, so to know that my daugher will have the most wonderful daddy in the world makes me want to cry sometimes....

Are these thoughts strange? Anyone have such conflicting emotions?

will i ever get a bust? they are like 2 fried eggs :(

In Houston. A record setting day. I did not move far enough south.

*Whines* We just had snow five years ago!!!!!! Not again!!!!!!!!

Kate, you asked for a review!

I got home from work yesterday, and K had already been to the post office. Sitting on the dining room table was a purple box. 

Within the box was pretty tissue paper, a beautiful card featuring my various woodland friends, and....

and..

and..

SCRUMPTIOUS EDIBLE NOMS OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER.  OH MY DOG.

What was the twisty braidy thing that was sprinkled with sugar? Almond Blankie?  That stuff's a winner, whatever it was.  Wow.  The filling? I could eat it out of a bowl like pudding.

AND THEN, OH FRIENDS AND NEIGHBOURS.  I unveiled the panettone cake.  IT IS A THING OF BEAUTY.  It is so fragrant.  Tender pastry, not stiff like the store bought kind.  Soft raisins, bits of citron, with a delicate flavor of lemon all through.  And it was even in that wax paper cup thingie that panettones are baked in!  I love the carmelized raisins in the bottom of the cup...mmmm.  So, Kate, you get a huge freakin' A +!!!

(i ate about 1/4 of it last night)

Thank you, Pav!  You really made my week :)

   Good day...though, a tad of a relapse, energy wise, I sunk again..also haven't slept right in several nights.. for last week have had so many hotflashes (not the Jann kind- much less invasive) that I couldn't tell between that and the fever...

    But when I get one I just sing, "I'm having a hot flash, a tropical hot flash, the temperture's rising and ain't it surprisin' I'm havin a hot flash"... so the boys know and they do back up sounds a la Tropicana, circa 1949....so all in all it isn't so bad...

    Did pretty much nothing today... got up, did yoga x... felt happy to get through that... set up tree with GG and last night HWonder did indoor led lights over and around my happily sprouting up narcissus garden ....it is so beautiful.... the first narcissus bloomed today... from now through the new year it will grow and grow... and fill the house with heavenly fragrance...

    After laundry and dishes and such, including, oklay... yes, I DID DECORATE.. but I took my time.. at anyr ate.. I collapsed into bed at 3:00 and slept for an hour... felt great...

   Rob made a fabulous dinner.. scallops wrapped with bacon (but I only had a taste for a slice..) with newly harvested meyer lemon juice... pan seared.. side of fabulous greens, and about a 1/3 cup of lovely egg noodles.. divine dinner...

   Lunch was a chicken parm sandwich.. also good.. breakfast was a greek yogurt with the leftover baked appple from last nights dinner and protein powder... I haven't been able to eat five or six times a day... I just cannot get the timing right.. so although that is a goal of mine.. I am taking it one day at a time.. today was well within my 1400 and below marker for cals.. and a nice workout deficit.. so I am happy (also had 2 no sugar hot cocoas)

  Tried to get the boys to go see the Ninja Assasin film they want to see (and I don't) 'cause I am no good to decorate tonight any more... and all I want to do is be in the quiet and watch a Harry Potter movie... so I am doing that now... but I cannot get my homebody boys out of the house... Golden Son the Willmeister is down there playing his heart out...

   98 percent of the time I am fascinated, delighted and overjoyed at his playing.. tonight is a 2 percent time.. probably because we have been together ALL DAY for TWO DAYS...nearly three.. which , again, I love his ideas, talking and joking, its heavenly... but not when I am tired..I get annoyed too easily... OMG.. he's got giant drum sounds going now... he's in a real drumming period...

  So... I go to Harry Potter world.. a place I utterly enjoy... (and plan to be one of the first to visit when it opens in Orlando...I may even try to work there... can you imagine me as a Witch...happy happy times)

    Anyway, dear journal, thanks for getting me to write and be accountable for my food, health, activities and exercise all so important in this next phase of my work here at CC....

It's nice to be able to walk and not feel like I have daggers going into my feet and ankles. I'm grateful for that time.

I don't know what is up with my body, but I spent the Thanksgiving holiday eating a lot and drinking wine. Maybe that reset my body a little bit. This week I'mf ocusing on not having alcohol, which is fine, it's just that there's always alcohol at my mom's place! I'm focusing on doing activity that makes me feel good and not feeling compelled nor confined.

I've been a really good and patient mom this week and I love that. I love my girls. They're so beautiful.

I've decided I'll never be as thin as I was, which is good, that is an unhealthy weight. I've decided to take it one day at a time. Yesterday I had a setback, kind of a binge, but with how active I am I wonder if that's really a binge. It just feels that way. I made myself eat today and so I won't be repeating a cycle. I just need to break the junk food addiction.

What is good though is that I'm regularly hungry. I'm hungry for breakfast and RAVENOUS at lunch. I find that if I eat a bigger lunch, I'm not tempted to hoard calories for dinner or binge at night, which is good. The night should be about my husband and kids, not thinking about food.

I'm racing again March 24th or so... I think. a 10 miler. I'm looking forward to it.

I need to focus on being healthy and being strong. I'm going to start having a lot more whole wheat wraps filled with veggies!

Had a fun breakfast this morning. I toasted a whole wheat English muffin and while that was toasting I sprayed pam in a cereal bowl and put an egg in it, gave it a swish, and nuked it for less than one minute - put it together and ate it like a sandwich. Fast easy to eat breakfast.

I am all alone in the orifice today. This is good because I had to get down and dirty with Numbers. Numbers are not my friend. We frequently engage in mortal combat - I always win, but the Dratted Numbers put up efforts that are unbelievably fierce. Today, they were chastened by the silence and I had them all lined up in no time. When you have a hotel bill of $20k for two days of seminar meetings, there's a lot of numbers to whip into submission. There's always numbers that do not belong in the group - so I have to play One of These Numbers is Not Like the Other quite a bit. Routed out those sneaky devils fast this morning.

Took myself out to lunch today at a Mexican place around the corner. Had Tacos al Carbon, way good, paid attention to quantity and think I've got a reasonably accurate number in the log.

Was finally able to take Beowulf (Seamus Heaney ed) along for lunch as the Walking Buddy is still on vacation. I keep meaning to read the thing at lunches and etc. The last time I started it I only got to the part where his ship arrives. Today, I only got to where he requested an interview with Hrogarth (as the tacos demand two hands). I love the book and decided it will stay at work no more so it is sitting under my purse and will go home with me today.

Dinner, TBA

If you have read my journal in the past you know about my whining about my house.  I was on Kijiji today looking for someone to fix two kitchen drawers for me and found a site that will help people in need fix their houses for a low cost or for free.  You just have to let them know what you need done and they will evaluate your needs and see if you qualify.
This is a copy of the letter that I sent to them.

 ______________________________________________________ _________ 

____________________________________________________________ ___

Do you think that I have a chance in hell of qualifying for their program? 

   And so the four went forth to the San Diego Zooeth...and it was not a perfect day... it is was well past twoeth, when they kneweth that the animals would be energetic before the sunset and would also be in the act of being fedeth...

   And so the four went forth thru the entryway and there were fewer people there than any of the four had ever seen... and aye, indeed, they had seen many many years of membership to the zoo, and yea, so they were happy...indeed.. as they were met by the squawking of the hundreds of pink flamingos greeting them at the entrance...

    And as the four headed out past the flamingoes they came upon some pygmy hippos in their pond and through the glass darkly they watched the hippos swim underwater, and as the hippo turned away from them, the hippo did take a large dump which they did witneseth in the glass, and the pygmy hippo was relieved, and the fishes feasted...

    And so the four took the road to Australasia where they came upon a platypus... many kuckaburros and the meekats lined up in rows and ontop of fake anthills and the four were wathce dlike hawks by the huge and amazing eyes of the meekat mafia...

    Finally the four did make their way to Elephant Odyssey where they were totally terrified by what sounded like a dinasaur.. and it was a lion, a large beautiful utterly roaring lion.. who did stalk past them not five feet away... as the equally as beautiful (but bored by the roaring) female did loll close by...

    Around another corner, a secretive, sleek, exquisitely beautiful and opulent jaguar slid onto her platform to do big cat things...

   FInally the mesa where several beautiful old elephants and one youngster were playing and feeding.. the little one swayed in a perfect rhythmn for the entire half hour or so the four were there... as if to a perfect tune running through his head....

    Back down through cat alley, and another corner, and there a zookeeper playing with three singing dog pups... rascals and gorgeous with pointy noses and funny curiosity... and big teeth....

    Warthog so beautiful and ancient they wanted to weepeth...

     Hyenas hiding in heeps...

     COugars on tree limbs...California Condors saved from extinction sitting in nests the sizes of volkswagon bugs... dromedary camels sweet, but dumb, and very prissy... bored oranguatangs...

     All of these sitings did bringeth them great joy, as they did rusheth to behold the most prized animals of all... the giant pandas.. which we kneweth always had a lineth...and who never really did much of anything worth watching...

     Alas... the Golden Girlfriend and the Golden Son did runneth to the exhibit, and there was no line, and so they all walked right in on a huge nest of bamboo leaves that had just been put out, and in the center, they did view a gorgeous and very busy panda eating bamboo shoots and enjoying herself thoroughly.... you have to be very quiet... and they were... and there were only about five or eight people in there... as well as three keepers...

    And as they went to see the sister panda..they found her PLAYING... highly unusual behavior they were told... but she got out on a limb and all of a sudden became terrified, turned and hung onthe limb, the keeper came in to her "honking" which is a tiny quiet sound from the panda... she thought we scared her or something... but the four did explain that little miss panda seemed to be afraid of getting onto the branch... and then she started honking...which, it turns out, is the way Pandas cry.... oh dear... and so in respect for her panda privacy they left, because they did not want her to feel bad anymore...

    Remarkable afternoon at the zoo... wonderful, exhausting... but oh, ever did they feel so alive and uplifted by their many unique sitings this day.....

     And so they did exiteth the zoo under the full moon, and they felt like a part of the extraordinary thing called the circle of life....

     Ahhhhhhhhh

Ok, maybe not, but, plenty of angst, elevated blood pressure, pacing of the house vigorously thus multi-tasking by burning calories (the bright spot).

My Daughter, who needs a Keeper and should never be let out alone or unsupervised, learned a lesson today. Never put anything on top of the car. Not when performing any sort of maintenance such as putting air in tires or getting gas. Definitely not right before getting on a freeway. What happens is that the wallet blows away and is ne'er seen again.

We got home right before the Daughter who realized her error only as she neared home. The SU took the Daughter all the way back to work (a 40 minute trip) to search high and low for the black wallet in the dead of night. I stayed home in case the gas station would return the SU's message about the wallet. The Search Committee did an extremely thorough hunt but to no avail. So, either someone has the wallet, or it blew off on the freeway and someone just does not have it yet.

Much cancellation of plastic things and plans for acquiring new items of important paperwork on the morrow ensued.

It's after 9 now. Time to relax. You know what, between all the pacing around the house and thinking things like surely the brain can accommodate both brilliance and common sense, I was too uptight to eat much. So I ended up with a lovely calorie day even with the glass of wine that is now in my hand. I am sure my jeans feel looser...but I don't recommend this particular program of weight management.