mikeiscool's Journal

moving on
May 04 2009 23:37

i have binged the past 3 sat nights :( then binging on sunday. why was i so weak sat night? why did i have to eat at 10:30? 10 fucking 30 at night. i should have just come in my room, listened to music or laid down and watched tv. or just ate a bowl of soup in my room and not left.

well, all i can say now is that i am nowhere near ready for my finals. basically i do not feel prepared because of all this sleeping and binging i've done. i feel so ugly and gross. tomorrow i am going to just not eat. or maybe eat an apple? but probably better to just not eat.

i can pinpoint exactly why each binge has happened. exactly why. emotional. gross. disgusting. it doesn't solve anything. i've probably put back on at least 5 pounds or more.

wednesday i will not eat processed foods. i will stay so far away. i am coming up with a plan and praying it works.

i need the lord's strength. i had such a bad weekend. it sucks sooooo bad. sat could have been sooooo good. sun could have been sooooo good. i could have felt sooooo much better. it's my last week of school, my last week at 5, and i feel like absolute shit. i'm so scared :(. how can i do this? what am i gonna do? i can't be sitting around here all the time.

basically food, you are my weakness. i need you but i don't!!! i hate u!!!!!!!!!!!