minerva_moon's Journal

So crazy to look back when I'm almost there...(aka, me blabbering)
Nov 10 2008 00:35

This morning (not ready to record it yet, but if it's around the same in the next few days I will) I weighed in at 121.4lbs, my lowest since going on vacation in July. And actually nearly my lowest, period--I was just around 121.5 when I went on vacation. It's hard to be exact because over the summer I was using a scale that only measured to the half-pound, whereas now I'm using one that measures to the tenth of a pound (my housemate's weight watcher's scale).

That puts me only about three and a half pounds away from my final goal weight of 118. And that...kind of freaks me out.

I hit 150 probably about the time I hit my teens. I spent about seven years unhappy with my body, unhappy with my size, unhappy with my weight. There were so many tears about clothes that didn't fit, clothes that didn't look good because of my body type, things I couldn't wear or things I couldn't eat. So much depression, insecurity, anger, and resentment.

It's weird to be content with my body now. And I am, generally, content with where I am now--I only want to lose those last three/four pounds so that my size 3 Arizona jeans fit a bit better. Size 3! I don't think I was ever before a size 3.

This time last year I was a size 9--on my way down to a size 7. Two years ago I was a size 11. This weekend I purchased a suit for my public relations presentation--size 4 petite. 

Definitely a size I never thought I'd see--when I started losing weight, my goal was 135 pounds and a size 7. I just wanted to be officially NOT overweight anymore. Just for once, I wanted to be able to call myself normal again. And it's so funny, my mom told me when I came home for Christmas at 135lbs that I looked great and didn't need to lose any more weight. Of course by the time I actually hit 135lbs I had decided to try to go for 120ish. But it was obvious that I was doing it in a healthy way--I usually eat around 1600 a day.

I worried for awhile that I would fall into the slippery slope of always wanting to lose 'those last five pounds'. I still worry, a little bit. But I'm looking forward to maintaining, and honestly, a size 3/4 is just perfect for me. I have no desire to try for that elusive size 2.

I feel like a different person. Without all those insecurities and bad body images bearing down on me, I feel like...part of me is gone. Not a part that I miss, by any means, but a part of me nonetheless. And I almost feel that when I switch to maintenence, I'll lose ANOTHER part of me--the part that strived so hard to finally, finally get serious and drop the weight.

But mostly, I'm excited. :-) I'm almost there, and I can't wait to finally finish this journey.