moonstaz77's Journal

Venting ...
Oct 05 2008 22:46

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a few weeks now.  He's wanted this for a long time.  At first I was really excited but recently I realized this means I will be forced to gain weight.  I've talked to my doctor and I've done the research and I know that dieting during pregnancy can cause developmental disorders and disfigurement.  I know I need to eat.  I know that.

But I was so excited when I was losing the weight.  I lost 7 pounds.  I started to feel good.  I have more energy and confidence (even though the only think I can tell that shrunk is my boobs).  I wanted to lose more.  I was hoping for at least another 9 pounds. 

Then I fainted last week.  I went to my doctor and my husband mentioned that I was dieting and my doctor freaked.   So now I'm off the diet.  I feel gross and fat and ugly. The only time I feel good is after an intense cardio workout and then I feel guilty not eating more to basically ruin work I did in the workout.

I know what I need to do but I just wish this was happening differently.  I wish I could have reached my goal before we started trying then I wouldn't get too big when I was pregnant.  I'm so scared of getting really big when I'm pregnant. 

Just needed to vent.