newveggie's Journal

In yet another attempt to lose weight, I have bought (still pending shipment) a gowear fit. It is similar to the body bugg.... and I am hoping - ok knowing - that it will help me know how much calories I am burning and therefore motivate me to workout. I LOVE seeing the numbers.

I know journals are good for weight loss, studies show that those who keep food journals and daily journals are more likely to lose weight and to stick with their plans. So I am debating, should I keep a regular journal, or an online journal? I like online because it seems easier and I can share my journals if I want, but I am scared of losing my information too. Or having somebody find it that I wouldnt want.

I think I am going to do the online journal. It is faster to type than to write and i like the convience of the computer. Plus I can journal while I plug in my gowear fit everyday... right? like maybe I can make a 20 minute routine of logging calories, plugging in gowear fit, and journaling. I just dont want it to seem like a chore or a hassle. If it is either I will probably discontinue the use and fail in my attempts to do anything.

Before I get gowear fit I need to take some measurements, of my belly and thighs and chest, my weight (which is like 195 I think now), my jean size. I dont even know what this is because I am wearing maternity pants. My baby is 3 months old now so I think I should be able to put those away. But they are the only clothes that fit right now.

I am still going to contemplate if I like the online journal, but if anyone reads this and has suggestions or wants to let me know what works best for them and why, I would love to hear it.

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So my last rant was pretty heavy, probably a good thing that I didnt finish it.  My point was that there is so much expected of women in our society, I don't know that its possible to do it all.  No one expects us (women) to be perfect... but ya know what, thats not true.  It's like eminem's song the beautiful woman who cooks and cleans.  Well beautiful women (ok lets be realistic here, I am talking about the size zero model that most everyone either secretly aspires to be or be with), being beautiful takes a lot of work.  And thou that does not have a full time job or go to school or have 4 kids or other responsibilities, well it my be easy for you to eat the perfect diet, exercise all the time, get help from a psychiatrist that you pay 300 bucks an hour... but most of us can't do it.  But god help us if we don't try.  Someone help us if we're not as close to perfect as possible.  Cause then we are failures.  In mens eyes and societys.  Everyone wants a beautiful woman.  Seriously, and they wonder why we can't "accept ourselves for who we are."  WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?  They don't accept us for who we are, how can we possibly do that?  HOW?
Well I know the answer.  We rebel.  This means that we do what we want, when we want, and how we want!  They dont want to give us a job because we aren't beautiful?  Well we create our own!  They dont want to date us because we weigh more than them?  We date ourselves.  Who wants to be with anyone so shallow anyway?  But we all know this doesnt work.  This is all to funny anyway because we know who we are fighting against is ourselves.  McDonalds exist because we LET THEM!  Diet centers and pills steal our money because we LET THEM.  It is up to us to say, we will WILLLLLLL support ourselves.  Don't need your food, dont need your pills, dont need your support (doesn't exist anyway).  We will SUPPORT ourselves.  All i need to lose a little bit of weight is support.  And I know its out there, but I feel like all the time, its me against the world.  No one wants to help, no one cares, but I have to care.  Why?  because its my body, my life, and if I want to stay alive and active, I need to care.  I need to SUPPORT MY SELF.  especially if no one else will.
The saddest part about all of this is that all I need is a friend that has similar goals to me to support me and me support her/him.  My husband is wonderful, he really tries...but he has no idea what I need for help.  Especially cause he has never been in this situation.  He has had his own problems and I am the best support I can be, but like him, he doesnt know everything that it takes to lose weight.  And since he is my best friend, I have a hard time finding support on the one thing I need.  I mean, he has to eat too, but I have to cook for both of us.  How do I cook me something healthy, him something healthy but more calorie dense?  Its hard.  That's all.  It's just plain hard, but I have to do something.  I guess the main thing is, I have to care.  I just have to.  But until then, I am useless and hopeless.
I want to care, I really do.  I just don't know how anymore.  I can obsess about it.  They say dont do that.  I can not care, they say don't do that.  I can mediocrately care, whatever that would be, they say that might work.  It DOESNT.

So I will try what really never worked in the past.  Setting goals.  Here is my first:

Goals for today:
Exercise at leat 25 minutes (CARDIO)
Drink 80 oz of water
Stay under 1650 calories
Get 1/2 of homework done

Reward???  I'll try and think of this.  This is my biggest failure on goal setting.

Short term goal - Lose 7 pounds.  This might take a month, but I can do it.  My reward for this will be ........... I dont know.  I will think of something.  I hate this reward thing , It doesnt work for me.

I will post an update later. 


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This post is mainly for me to rant, but feel free to respond or read or whatever.
I never thought I would be the person to lose weight and gain it back.  I mean, I worked SO HARD to lose weight.  I got down to 125 pounds.  For my height 5'1", it is still heavy but within a healthy BMI.  That was summer 2006.  And then I lost it.  I swear I had/have depression, but my counselor doesn't think so.  Maybe not exercising is making me depressed.
Now I am having so many problems.  It's hard for me to believe that I could go from being healthy, active, and within a normal BMI to having all sorts of health issues and making it into the OBESE category.  Not just overweight, but the worse 'O' word.  It's not just bad because I feel ugly.  It's bad because I have heartburn, diarrhea, headaches, etc, and because I dont feel like myself.  My clothes dont fit!  I am in this phase where I wear the same 2 pants to work every week because they are the only ones that dont make me run to the bathroom every 10 minutes!  OMG, I have to lose weight but how?   Support system?  Yeah, in my dreams.  Its probably the only thing I'm lacking to be successful, but its pretty important.
I am to the point that I dont care if I am pretty.  I honestly, poke my eye with a stick if I lie, DON'T care if I am pretty.  Or ugly for that matter.  ALL I care about is being healthy.  Okay, so I dont want to bring attention to myself for my weight either.  But that doesn't fall into the Pretty/Ugly category.  It falls into the unwanted attention category.  I hate this American society I live in.  It (and excuse my language, but it is justified) FUCKING SUCKS!  Why are we as women pressured to be one thing (pretty, skinny, sex objects) and then also pressured to be another (play to big media, consumers of all foods, the best of all worlds (tough, strong, need no support but support everyone else), be ourselves, be fun, be spontaneous, be everything etc etc etc).  I DONT GET IT.  This society is so FUCKED UP!  It is crazy.
I will finish this later.


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K I havent posted in 7 days!  Holy cow.  Well 4 of them internet was down (that was the last four days) but I really have no excuse.  I havent watched what I ate all week.  Well thats not entirely true, I watch what I eat, I usually just haven't cared this last week.  But I have had some stressing issues to deal with, more stressing than worring about weight.  And I admit, I am an emotional eater.  Unfortunate, I know, I guess I will have to work on it.
School starts in two weeks, I cant wait.  Except I am having trouble getting into the classes that I need, but what am I gonna do?  I keep changing my classes around.

About my weight issue- YIKES.  I can hardly think about it right now, it is so stressful.  And I used to think it was so easy, just a numbers game.  But even though I love to exercise and always feel better when I eat healthy, I am in this mode that even if I am stuffed full, I just keep putting food in my mouth.  I really can't help it right now.  Something is wrong with me.

I thought if we get a treadmill in the house I would for sure use it, but I have the dang gym membership, I should just use it.  I dont know what I want to do, we have the money to get it, but *barely*  Money would be so tight if we did, but we could do it.... I will still think about this some more.

Personally I dont even care if my weight loss is slow, just as long as I'm still losing.  I want to lose like 1/2 pound a week would be fine.  I have 15 lbs to lose, not that much.  Even though it looks like a ton on my frame...  Anyway, that would take me 30 weeks to lose if i did 1/2 pound a week.  That is like by valentines day or something.  Maybe I could use 20 in that time, I dont know.  But that shouldn't be that hard, its only a deficit of 2750 calories a week.  Thats 250 a day.  Hmmm I think I can do it, but I dont know.

Well enough rambling, for my friends I will keep posting, I PROMISE.  Today I am not going to post goals cause I already messed up.  I am just going to eat when I'm hungry and try to eat no junk.  Also I am going to try to drink lots of water, and try to get rid of some stress.

Everybody -- Have a good day! ;0)


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Sorry I havent posted this weekend.  We are doing carpet in our basement and painting.  Thats what I did this weekend, paint and move furniture.  It was fun but a lot of work!
Unfortunately I have been in a slump on eating right and exercising.  I haven't entered my weight in my weight log because the other day I was at my lowest weight since maybe 8th grade... and then I gained 2 pounds back just like that.  I cant bear to see my weight jump like that.
Of course I know why it did.  Think..um friday, chinese buffet.  Saturday, eat snack food all day and a big dinner.  Sunday, Pancakes and syrup for breakfast, scones and honey butter for a snack, nachoes for dinner.  And I didnt practice portion control at all.  I stuffed myself silly. 
So yeah I gained two pounds.  I forgot to mention, I ate all that food and didnt exercise at all.  I didnt sit all day, I painted and cleaned, but I still didnt get my areobic exercise in like I wanted. 
What am I going to do with my self?  I dont know.  I need to get everything at home done, like clean and deep clean and get everything organized.  I want my life in order cause everytime I try to go to the gym I think, I am using time that I could be using to do all these other things that DESPERATELY need done.
I really need some motivation and also some accountability.  My husband tries but I have to cook high cal meals for him, low cal meals for me, do the dishes - after two meals and his mom and my sister and go to work.  I know it doesnt seem like much, and its not... but its so overwhelming that I dont want to do it.  I always have to cook.  ALWAYS.  Nobody else will, nobody else does.  And then I end up doing the dishes too.
I really want an elliptical at home.  I would use it, plus it would be perfect for those times where I only have 10 minutes, not 40 minutes that it takes to go to the gym, get ready go home from gym and exercise there for 15 min.  All of that takes so much time.  10 minutes to get there, 10 minutes back, if I want a good workout, say 45 min... I need atleast an hour and 15 minutes free time, and thats just driving and exercising and getting dressed.  Doesnt include shower or anything like that.
I know losing weight isnt easy, I mean I've lost weight before.  But I hate hate hate hate hate gaining it back.  It is the most depressing.  And I've still got 15 pounds to lose.

What should I do?

PS Goals for the week.  And I'm only doing weekly goals this week but I will post everyday.

1.) Eat 10,500 cals this week (this is supposed to be an average of 1500 a day for 7 days)
2.) Exercise off 2000 calories this week.
3.) Lose 1.5 lbs or have my weight = 128.5 by next monday.

Okay I can do this.  I WILL do this.


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Yeah I didnt do that good either yesterday.  I did get to the gym but only for 25 min and I ate over 1600 cals.  Didnt drink all my water... I just didnt feel good either.  So I'm going to step it up today.  I want to do 1 hr cardio, this will be 20 min elliptical, 20 min treadmill, 20 min elliptical.

Today my goals are:  Have a calorie deficit of 750.  My maintence cals are 1800, so I either need to eat 1800 and exercise 750 or eat 1600 and exercise 550, or some combination.  I really want to eat a lot today so I am going for the exercise it all off game!

My weight today is excelent... 128.4!  I just weighed 129.6 yesterday, so seems like I lost a pound somewhere this week.

Took my measurements this morning:

Biggest Part of arm (bicep): 10.5
Waist (around belly button): 32
Hips: 37
Rib Cage: 28
Chest: 35
Biggest Part of Thigh: 21
Neck: 11

So my goals today are:
1.) Exercise 1 hour
2.) Deficit of 750 cals
3.) 100 oz of water
4.) 20%-25% fat cals (I was over 30 yesterday).


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Well my goals are today
1.)Drink 100 oz water
2.) 1500 cals
3.) 30 min cardio

I wanted to do arms today but didnt, maybe I will talk myself into doing them tonight??


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Well for today I am over my cals again.  I haven't eaten all of them but for everything I plan to eat I will be at 1564 cals for the day.  I wanted to do 1500 but its okay cause I did more exercise than I planned so its all balanced, right?

So far I have drank 50 oz of water.  I told myself once I get to 80 oz I could have a soda (dt dr pepper).

At the gym I ran on the elliptical for 40 min, its the easiest thing to do to burn so many calories.  I could run on the treadmill but I only last on that for 15 or 20 min.  Maybe I will do it tomorrow.  So I burned 505 cals on that.

For weights...well I changed my plan.  I only did leg weights today.  I will do arm weights tomorrow.  So everyother day I will switch on weights.  SO I kinda met this goal but kinda not.

My fat calories are at 23% which is okay but could be better.  Its within my goal though.

Thats all for now, so I met most of my goals and will update the water later when I meet that goal.  And I will post tomorrows goals later tonight!


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Okay So I actually made it to 102 oz of water, who would've thunk?  Anyway I felt good about it, and I never felt too hungry today.  I actually didnt eat all my calories cause I was going to eat mangos that I bought, but discovered that I dont like mangos.  So I am at 1456 cals for the day, not bad considering I ate a candy bar of dark chocolate!

My goals for tomorrow are:

1.) 100 oz of water
2.) 25 minutes of cardio
3.) Weight training (this consits of our weight circuit at the gym, do this twice)
4.) 1500 cals
5.) 20 to 25 percent fat cals.

Can't wait for tomorrow, I actually like working out once I get my butt there.  Its just convincing myself its important enough to get up and get out of the house!


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 Well I am not done with the water for the day, but for the rest here it is:

1.) Well I have had 50 oz so far today, so 30 more and I will make 80 oz of water.
2.)I logged all the food I am eating today, but I havent eaten it all yet.  I am at 17% fat which is perfect!  Over on the calories by about 40 though.
3.) 44 minutes on elliptical for a calorie burn of 567!  So an okay workout I would say.

So I did okay... tomorrow I will try for 1550 cals and 40 minutes cardio plus weights.  I will do the circuit weights since I know how those work!

I will post my real goals for tomorrow later, but here is tentative!


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