paperballet's Journal

well, five days ago...
Aug 19 2009 08:48

i was on the right track, but eating out has been a setback. excuses have been a major setback as well. i try walking but it hurts so much, i just get mad afterward. today's breakfast was 900 calories: a number four chick-fil-a egg/cheese biscuit with hash browns, Polynesian sauce and a coffee with two creamers. i gave the bacon to the dog, but big whoop. bacon is like 30 cals a slice.

we are trying to find a house right now and so that's taking the front lines in my head. the worst part is i don't feel particularly fat until i try on clothes or weigh in or try walking. this has been a tough battle for me. i don't know what to do any more.

i am on that borderline of just accepting my fat body and being a bbw.

i guess we can lose weight and gain it back- because i have done it. just that. it's so pathetic and sad. mostly i feel ashamed and i don't want to leave my house. what's worse is, now, rather than having a friend with me doing this, i am alone.

i dunno. i just don't see myself losing this weight again.