picchi's Journal

Ok crisis time....this has to stop!!!
Nov 04 2009 12:37

-----First off I would like to say I'm sorry to all of you I have not written back to when I should have of.-----

I'm ruining my body, I worked so hard to get back. Day by day I'm shoveling crap, into my over sized mouth.

Since we got back from our holiday, I just can not get a handle on my eating. At first it was three days days good, one day 5000 calories. Then two days good then 7000 calories and now (for the past week) every day is a bad day.

I know I eat like this when I'm confronted with overwhelming self doubt/self hate. I know I eat to berry my feelings; to not confront what I'm feeling, in short to hide. I'm job hunting and the hunt is not going so well so far. It's very disconcerting.

I asked for help, which for me is a big deal. I admitted to the problem, also a big deal. Now I just have to be strong when my every fiber wants to berry it's self in 5 mars bars or peanut butter fudge or french cheeses or what every is on hand....

I'm thinking of making calorie allotments by time. For instance 300 by 8am, 500 by 11.30 and so on. No more no less...no going over, no weekly cheat days, no cheating what so ever.

Oh and I have to kick the sugar...it's got me by the tight and curlies. Lots of fruit for sweets, lots of veg and protein for filling me up, everything very low GI to stabilize my blood sugar.

I have to get a handle on this. I owe it to myself, my husband. I have to respect myself enough to say: NO, DO NOT EAT THE SNICKERS BAR!!! (and not keep giving in to this self destructive behavior).