pinkdis0rder's Journal

it would be really unhealthy of me to lose 20 lbs in six weeks. well. not REALLY unhealthy. that only comes out to 3.3 lbs a week. granted, that's more than 2 a week, but i could care less. honestly.

it IS however, really healthy to make the food choices i made today when going shopping.

i'm really proud of myself.

we got:

apples pears oranges bananas celery mushrooms whole grain pita pockets whole grain bread supplements: fish oil! and also calcium magnesium and zinc in one pill. now to get a good multivitamin... whole grain bran cereal coffee green tea water soluble little packets crystal lite (that was my mom....not me) for some somewhat healthy alternatives to potentially BAD food choices? 100 cal mini bags of "healthy" butter flavor popcorn (they're actually 90 cals popped and have minimal butter =])...hey, it said healthy on the box...ahaha, and... yellow corn tortilla chips and mild salsa

also got a new loofah, baby oil, lavender body spray (yay relaxation), had a chicken salad today as well as a pbj sandwich made with whole grain bread, natural peanut butter and raspberry preserves....and some bad stuff lol but okay.

i'm a little freaked out because i know that once school starts i'll prolly get down to doing the 2468 diet. i also heard about the scarsdale diet. i'm not *all* that interested in a measly fat loss of 2lbs per week. that would only be 12 when i wanna lose 20. fat or muscle, whatever will make me fit into my size zeros. in 12 lbs i'd only be 118. not 110. on the scale. which means 105-107 in reality.

talk about motivation.

the thing is i actually have the discipline to stay on the freakin diet. i just have people throwing food at me 24/7 when i'm on vacation. ridiculous.

yeah that's ED territory right there. coming from the girl who started the ED recovery club, this is surprising, but really shouldn't be.

i just love the feeling of losing weight quickly and having control. le sigh. and i was so bad while my bf was here i feel like i NEED to do this to fix it. i don't know. it's so complicated and deep and effed up and i have so much more other crap going on screwing up my life that i can't even think about dealing with it or getting rid of it.

1 Comment | Add Comment

when i typed it into google to see what information i could get outside of the pro-ana world.

and the first thing that comes up when you type "2468 diet" into google is the thread on C-C! haha.

i looked at other stuff. but still. that was cute.

i simply cannot eat a normal amount. i have gained weight doing so after coming off my fast. and now i've been repelled from it. i feel like someone sprayed normal eating with insect repellent and i am the insect.

whoever said you only lose 10 lbs a month doing 2468 (the poster) is full of crap. anyone can lose 10 lbs a month and not bother with 2468. it's usually closer to 5lbs a week. if anyone is reading this or cares. doubtful.

i haven't figured out what i'm going to do when i get to my GW as far as maintaining goes. probably up my cals a bit and still cycle them. who knows. i wont wanna keep losing weight. GAH. i dont wanna be emaciated, just tiny itty bitty delicate little. :)

i was so happy when i was tiny...

oh well. here goes nothin'

Add Comment

i hate food.

1 Comment | Add Comment

1. forget about breakfast
2. shower
3. run
4. come home.
5. etc.

that ED side of me wants to rear it's ugly head and be like, I'M NEVER EATING AGAIN!. because the last couple days i've basically lived off of donuts? and bullshit. bad food. and the last two weeks i've eaten so much candy i'm surprised i'm not just MADE of insulin by now. what the F*$#?! i thought i had more self control than this...that i would be able to deal with it without c-c for a bit. considering i was like, RELIGIOUS on here. NEVERMIND. i also haven't really exercised cuz of jazz/rock practice for our big halloween concert. although drumming, playing guitar standing, singing my ass off...all that burns cals. i got my boyfriend to eat healthy and lose weight. now he can see the six pack again. and i'm afraid that i'll start gainging weight again. i finally fit into my old size three black jeans and wore them a few times. i like this. so i guess what's gonna end up happening is, i'm gonna end up BACK on here, i'm not gonna give myself a day off every week anymore, and i'm going to actually exercise? the hard part about THAT is getting home after dark...i can't really go for a run around here when it's dark. i leave when it's still dark and i come home when it's gotten dark. so i'm screwed cuz the rest of the time i'm at school all day. and let's be honest. i'm doing this for aesthetic reasons. i just want to be thin. >.

Add Comment

So I've never really used the journal on here but I do have two or three other blogs....although I'm going to assume this should be used mostly in conjunction with what the site is for..which includes more than just weight but how other things affect it...meh. Anyways...I've been REALLY stressed out lately. I go to a really good, really competitive school, and I'm a senior among 100 other girls (or so) with 300 girls from freshman-junior grade levels...so there's about 400 of us (I think it's closer to 425 but okay). College apps and my most challenging course load (with 3 AP's this year and other challenging classes) are really kicking my ass, but also my living situation/home/monetary stuff are REALLY in shitty shape so I dunno what to do. I go from stress eating to stress starving I guess you would call it...sometimes I eat a lot,...sometimes I can't eat at all. I think it's more stress starving since I've been on c-c because I have the added stress of trying to lose weight...so if I stress eat I'll feel bad (cuz it'll be like 2000 cals of junk) but if I stress starve (that's really a harsh/loaded term now that I look at it but whatever)...I don't really feel quite as bad. And it's not like I won't eat ANYTHING, I just won't indulge in more than I need to not feel hungry and I'll just throw myself into a hobby nonstop. Which is good but sometimes I end up ignoring hunger too. Bleh. I kind of just wish things would be normal. Good. Less stressful. But hey, welcome to the real world, right? My life has always been like this and I'm used to it but I also never tried to juggle losing weight or even eating healthily with everything. I did the whole anorexicish and the whole bulimicish thing a while back but that was more stress related....ED's are never about the food deep down. I hope I don't go back there. >

Add Comment