pinkdis0rder's Journal

that ED side of me wants to rear it's ugly head and be like, I'M NEVER EATING AGAIN!. because the last couple days i've basically lived off of donuts? and bullshit. bad food. and the last two weeks i've eaten so much candy i'm surprised i'm not just MADE of insulin by now. what the F*$#?! i thought i had more self control than this...that i would be able to deal with it without c-c for a bit. considering i was like, RELIGIOUS on here. NEVERMIND. i also haven't really exercised cuz of jazz/rock practice for our big halloween concert. although drumming, playing guitar standing, singing my ass off...all that burns cals. i got my boyfriend to eat healthy and lose weight. now he can see the six pack again. and i'm afraid that i'll start gainging weight again. i finally fit into my old size three black jeans and wore them a few times. i like this. so i guess what's gonna end up happening is, i'm gonna end up BACK on here, i'm not gonna give myself a day off every week anymore, and i'm going to actually exercise? the hard part about THAT is getting home after dark...i can't really go for a run around here when it's dark. i leave when it's still dark and i come home when it's gotten dark. so i'm screwed cuz the rest of the time i'm at school all day. and let's be honest. i'm doing this for aesthetic reasons. i just want to be thin. >.