pinkdis0rder's Journal

it would be really unhealthy of me to lose 20 lbs in six weeks. well. not REALLY unhealthy. that only comes out to 3.3 lbs a week. granted, that's more than 2 a week, but i could care less. honestly.

it IS however, really healthy to make the food choices i made today when going shopping.

i'm really proud of myself.

we got:

apples pears oranges bananas celery mushrooms whole grain pita pockets whole grain bread supplements: fish oil! and also calcium magnesium and zinc in one pill. now to get a good multivitamin... whole grain bran cereal coffee green tea water soluble little packets crystal lite (that was my mom....not me) for some somewhat healthy alternatives to potentially BAD food choices? 100 cal mini bags of "healthy" butter flavor popcorn (they're actually 90 cals popped and have minimal butter =])...hey, it said healthy on the box...ahaha, and... yellow corn tortilla chips and mild salsa

also got a new loofah, baby oil, lavender body spray (yay relaxation), had a chicken salad today as well as a pbj sandwich made with whole grain bread, natural peanut butter and raspberry preserves....and some bad stuff lol but okay.

i'm a little freaked out because i know that once school starts i'll prolly get down to doing the 2468 diet. i also heard about the scarsdale diet. i'm not *all* that interested in a measly fat loss of 2lbs per week. that would only be 12 when i wanna lose 20. fat or muscle, whatever will make me fit into my size zeros. in 12 lbs i'd only be 118. not 110. on the scale. which means 105-107 in reality.

talk about motivation.

the thing is i actually have the discipline to stay on the freakin diet. i just have people throwing food at me 24/7 when i'm on vacation. ridiculous.

yeah that's ED territory right there. coming from the girl who started the ED recovery club, this is surprising, but really shouldn't be.

i just love the feeling of losing weight quickly and having control. le sigh. and i was so bad while my bf was here i feel like i NEED to do this to fix it. i don't know. it's so complicated and deep and effed up and i have so much more other crap going on screwing up my life that i can't even think about dealing with it or getting rid of it.