pishposh71's Journal

Day 3
Nov 08 2009 10:39

Its another beautiful day outside and I am feeling great today.

I was worried about last nights Halloween party at our friends Lisa and Derek's. This is one of the few nights a year that I really let go and usually get plastered, eat a lot of everything going and then pass out on the car ride home.  Now being that I did do that the weekend before at Mike's impromptu shot  party I didn't want a repeat of that event. I also made this decision to make life changes 48 hours after that first party. 

Although Mike's party was sort of an emotional nightmare for me it may actually become that pinicle point in life that the lights finally come on. OH YEAH, NOW I REMEMBER> I DON'T LIKE ME. Yup time to fix things. Light on. ding ding. Give the girl a prize.

That fear about last nights party was unfounded. I went off to the party with my 3 sugar filled Smirnoff Ice determined to be good. I was good. I drank what I said I would drink. I politely refused shots offered to me with a smile and a simple explanation that I was calorie counting for a better me.  I wasn't sad or depressed about all that food, the deep fried turkey did not mock me from the table, hell I didn't care at all. I permitted myself to eat a small square of cheese, 2 spring rolls with a tiny bit of dip and I was fine with it! I was really surprised by how easy it was for me to do.

The fun thing was thinking about how differant it could be next halloween. Kevin (my husband) was a pirate this year, but I had got him this great Captian Condom costume with tights and knee high purple boots. He is saving it for next year now. I told him last night that I will dress up as a girl superhero of sorts because by next halloween I will like my body and not be afraid to show it off. As of now all I will show are my massive boobs as its the only part I sorta like. Irronically I plan on asking my doctor for a breast reduction when I see him next week.

So this is today, it is amazing how far a positive attitude can take you. I was told it is true and I believe that. It is great how I feel the people around me caring in their own little ways. Its funny how the shame I felt to talk to them about it has dissapeared in the simple act of just doing that. Talking to them and admitting how I really feel about myself.

Anyway its time for some breakfast and to get this day rolling. I hope you all have a wonderful day!