pishposh71's Journal

Day 6
Nov 11 2009 08:42

So each morning I wake up wondering when the bulb will burn out. It is hard to explain how amazing I feel about making this change but at the same time that little voice in the back whispers to me, what if you fail.  Now that doesn't bother me much because up till a short time ago that voice was not a whisper but rather a loud yell that dominated everything I was.  It is nice to walk into the kitchen and see something yummy (like cake or whatever) and not give a damn it is there. It is the most amazing thing in the world. I can't even explain.

I think weight loss is much like anything else when it comes to addiction. It is a mind over matter thing. Smoking is a hard thing to stop too (which I might mention I have done too) but its not about quitting, its about what YOU want. YOU make the decisions, YOU control  the situation. Turn the light bulb on and the rest is a jog uphill (steep as it may be).

Now I sound like a motivational speaker! It is just nice to be out from under the sludge. I will likely repeat this over and over again but its the best way I can describe the way I am feeling. Out of the sludge.

I have never been the happy bright and cheery girl on the inside, more the dark and twisty broken girl (to quote Grey's Anatomy) but suddenly I feel like Mary frigging Poppins and I am OK with that. It is weird to the extreme!

Anyway yesterday was a nice day, I just had the 3 little ones home in the day and they play well together so it was not at all stressful. Let me be the first to say that a house full of children all fighting about stupid stuff can be very stressful!

I talked to yet another friend about this life plan of mine and she wants to take an Aqua fit class together which I think is great! So we start that tomorrow night given there'sroom.

All the puzzle peices are back in the box. Its a really big puzzle but give me the time I will put me back together again.

Have a great day!