poetnw's Journal

angst

Nov 10 2009 08:02

I can live with this. I also am and have been for eons now, a partner. I do not share this burden alone. Another e-mail from daughter. The lady they were supposed to be connected with- the lady that bought the Nevada land- was not able to sell whatever and is broke!!! So not sure what daughter is doing for sure- do know that she has squatted on a piece of land for 30 days so now must find another spot. I do know that she has paid a car payment. And that it costs gas for her to get to town and a computer. I do know that I do not intend to send her cash. We are not a bank. Maybe in a week or so we'll put together a little box of food stuff and send that off but that's it folks. And so far the weather for daughter has been dry- cold nights but dry. She must be under tremendous strain.

Today I am making bread sticks. Beer meeting tonight. I volunteered to bring snacks- and I refuse to buy bagged chip type crudola. Hubby insisted we bring along a salami stick so we'll do that. The bread sticks have a bit of flax seed, almond meal, sesame seeds and less than a half cup of shredded cheese besides white flour. And nutritional yeast- I think it adds cheesy flavor with its protein. The dough is warming and probably rising in the warmish oven now.

And for the evil reality: tomorrow is Veteran's Day. Hubby will be off work. My evil plump sister is forcing me to tackle making lemon filling for little tarts this afternoon- I hate separating eggs but I will give it a go. Hubby is a sweet one- he has agreed to have tea time with me tomorrow. I am bowled over with admiration for this little Bavarian teapot that I just purchased. Very Victorian and girly. It has a 'top knot'. 'Nuff food porn.

I did make a good for us chili last night. And I talked with one of my sisters. She so loves to rag me about sleeping- are you still not sleeping well?? Give me a break, dear sister. What is- is. I blame some of the rasty sleeping/exhaustion on waking right now on my working this last story. I know where I am heading. Just got to hammer some more on it. Hammer with a strong handled tool.

Steven's Pass

Nov 09 2009 06:24

This is the mountain pass that heads toward V's house and all things West. Lovely to look at and oh, I am so grateful I am not there right now!! And its about 3 driving hours from my house.

I had a good weekend. Saturday we walked downtown. About 50 above with a whoah! 16 mile an hour wind to remind us that winter would be here soon. Vietnamese cafe- shrimp and vegies and white rice and a spicy sauce to liven up the blah rice. Hubby made some tasty bread yesterday; lots of poppy seeds. A hearty not sweet yeasty bread.

I continue to work on a short story. Remembering a comment that I heard on Saturday: a lady told us that her son wrote poetry but he wasn't a poet- that made my head go what? She said since he wasn't published and wrote only for himself, he wasn't a poet. My inner gut screamed, you idiot! He writes. Does not matter if anyone else hears his voice. He writes. Value that. Honor that. He also wrote short stories.

Still waiting for another e-mail from daughter. Still have not gathered anything for a box to her. On Hold. Getting callouses. I am grateful for a heater that works. And a toilet that works! Darned thing started 'running' this morning just when hubby had left for work. I jiggled and jiggled and finally took the top off and peered in- yup- flimsy piece of plastic between me and an expensive plumber. Finally quit running and started filling and then shut up. Yay. A few years ago daughter and her friend fixed this toilet and we found its parts are peculiar and hard to manage- i.e. I would have been up the crick until hubby got home. I am so very grateful for his ability to fix many many things. I am a Sad Sack Female when it comes to most things that could break. Hubby has tried to show me how to use a drill and I can manage a hammer to a certain extent and I can handle a pruner.

I've fallen and I can't get up! versus got to ride

Nov 07 2009 09:08

Two new observers reminded me of my limitations. Brought back memories: sneeze! and I'd be bent for days in back spasms. No twisting, jumping motions for this body. Standing on my feet some days is exercise enough. I am doing stretching and thigh tighteners cause that strengthens the knee. Every night we walk the mile long block- does nothing for the heart but does keep the circulation moving.

I am grateful that a red headed house finch came to the feeder this morning. I am sick of greedy common sparrows. I am grateful for sunshine when the prediction was for rain.

I promise- to myself- that I will get out today and clean up some garden areas; haul the annuals to the compost pile. I need to live the grateful life; not just say it but live it. Gusty winds but not too cool- a good day to walk downtown rather than drive there and walk around.

I am grateful for the NAG room- its a pleasant place to write in. I am grateful that I am wallowing in a short story. The Well. There is a Deeper Well. Tis better to drink from that than to dig into another sugar high.

I'd rather

Nov 06 2009 06:51

I'd rather talk about monster-movie cats- hiss! Cats going bonkers cause of the greedy sparrows feeding right outside the window. I'd rather forget the hell going on in Fort Hall. I'd rather forget PTSD. I'd rather forget that daughter has not contacted me since Oct. 29th. First time ever, we did not exchange Samhain greetings. I'd rather forget that my weight is up.

Sure a lot of I hate this food and that food on these forums lately. Don't like marshmallowy sweet potatoes? Try just roasting a sweet tator/yam and eat it naked. Nothing on it but its sweet essence. Naked. And be grateful you have food to loathe. Be grateful for that. Hubby reminded me the other day of the hamburger pot pie we had that first Christmas back from Idaho. We were invited out but we needed to be Family to ourselves, eating our pot pie. We were shell shocked and grateful we'd made it out of the fire. I was angry and grieving for a cat who did not make it. And taking care of an orphan Birman cat that popped up out of the snow just as we were leaving.

So I have gotten rid of some I'd Rathers. Not sure if that was an emotional heave or what. I am grateful for the Q. Pup snoring on the rug. She is shedding another 50 pounds of fur. Still here. I protect her cause it does not take much to get her limpy. I feel a bit of guilt cause I hear basically this side of broken hip and knee action when she walks- without a pill, she'd be in doggy heaven. Should I play God and take her to the Vet.? She still loves her food and still can skip around when she is in the mood- the miracles of drugs. I am, like I said, grateful for her. She's a good old dog. A Sandwich Stealer from Way Back! I am grateful for new CC friends. And I am amazed that this latest friend wants to be my friend- wow!! a person who runs. Who has that capability. The last time I did jumping jacks in the pool I ended up spending big bucks at a chiropractors- running would kill me. More power to anyone who can get up and go without paying for it. Yes! Got to love ya.

You have the flu? Don't sneeze near the cat!

Nov 05 2009 05:42

Woke me up news item: 19 yr. old cat got sick when his humans had the flu so the Vet. checked out the cat. Yup. Kitty also had the swine flu. I hadn't realized we humans could make our felines ill. I'd always heard it the other way around: preggers? Don't go near the kitty litter pan. Cat got well. anyway. Guess there have been zoo tigers not so lucky.

I've started breakfast out well: vanilla soy yogurt, sweetened with organic agave. Pretty tasty. Thinner than cow yogurt.

I made some tasty soup yesterday. Use the freezer soup: home little tomatoes, home zucchini, home spuds. Store carrots and onions. Store ground pork- no fat but some flavor. A bit of chicken buillion. Hearty soup. And I made more home crackers/flatbreads- no white flour at all. I found a partial bag of almond meal in the back of the fridge and some flax meal. Had a bit of corn flour and ground up some oatmeal in the blender then ground some wheat in the hand grinder. Tasty crackers. Went well with the soup. Kind of tender and looked very home made. Which is fine. Generic looking chow can be boring.

The store bought pumpkins have been a bummer this year. I think they must have had frost damage cause I picked up a little one left from Samhain and realized it was rotting. There are two Big Ugly home squashes that need to be used so I have a pumpkin pie making exercise in mind soon. I've quit using canned milk for that- use dry milk reconstituted and all is fine. We want the taste of pumpkin not the taste of cow fat.

I am grateful my friend's daughter probably has found housing for her and her tribe. She was way too close to being a Park Person- beyond ghastly credit so no way would a regular housing rental agency look at her.

Now where is my daughter? Its been about a week since any word has come to us from her. I am grateful for discount grocery stores. Keeps folks working and feeds me, sometimes interesting chow, too.

winged rodents

Nov 03 2009 08:15

I guess I could be more charitable toward the common house sparrow. I've put a shepherd's crook in by the front side bay window so I have birds battling it out right outside the glass. Common birds but hungry and greedy. And driving Samyot nuts. I'd love to see more exotic birds but the sparrows seem too aggressive.

A cousin has e-mailed me- when did we talk last?? When I was in high school? The last I heard of her concerned drinking, smoking and her house being flooded. Not sure what she has heard about me!

Thinking but so far not acting on what to include in a box to daughter. Dried stuff; brewer's yeast or nutritional yeast as some folks call it, dried fruit, dried meat, Viactive chews for calcium. Thinking.

I hope I did not step into too much cow poop yesterday. I found a little car heater gizmo that plugs into the cigarette lighter and since it cost only 20.00 and my friend drives a heater less car, I bought it for her early Christmas gift. I gave it to her yesterday and I heard in her voice some of what I used to sound like in the bad old days when we were the Have Nots and the Have folks gave us stuff. I hope my gift did not cause a rift between us. This climate is not a joke. Makes a poor person sit up and take notice. Hubby started talking about the Christmas we drove from Seattle to the Anacortes area without a heater in the car and how miserable we were- early morning hour driving at that. And then there was the time we had a crappy cold car and drove it in a blizzard cause we needed to. And I kept the car from skiding down a long slippery embankment into Samish lake. Ulcer making days. So these days I feel like a fat cat, listening to Placido Domingo on the radio.

I'm trying to nudge a story into life. Am probably in long winded mode. My knee, feet, ankles, all griping. Got to barrel into exercises anyway. I think the on coming colder weather is making my sinuses wake up- have pain in an arm pit area- bet its a swollen lymph node. Nothing keeps me from craving sugar and fat! I'll be on my death bed, craving sugar and fat.

zero juicy tidbits

Nov 01 2009 16:24

Just breath and an unexpected warm afternoon- I sat at the garden table in my sweater and talked with my Mom. Toasty. My friend brought her daughter, grandsons and various friends of theirs- our house a Halloween train station at times. The 7 month old boy was dressed in a gorilla suit. He didn't look like a human for a bit! His Mom came back from her trek and said that someone wanted to know why she was packing her dog around!! Couldn't figure out what the black fuzzy bundle was.

And some twerp gave one of the kids a book of matches for a treat. 'Nuff said on that.

Full moon. Roads free of ice. We're grinning almost as wide as the Jack O Lantern that hubby carved. Chietains album tonight's treat. I went out front and scooped up some of a pumpkin that somebody smashed on the road: twas something to be honored and treated as food, not a play thing. I placed its pieces on the compost pile and remembered friend's grandson asking me what compost was. So many ways to be educated. I lit the oil lamp last night in honor of those who have gone before us, 2 legged as well as 4.

plastic slasher sword and a banker suit

Oct 30 2009 04:51

Hubby went to work dressed as an auditor- I think he looks like a banker- except for the crazy red shirt- no tie cause he hates ties. And the slasher sword to cut unnecessary expenses!

Interesting that out of work folks are making money from working at Halloween theme parks. Come December, there will be tons of Santas and desperate elves.

Samhain. One of the only times in the year when I wish I could have a good old bonfire. Something not quite tame. I'll take out the oil lamp and be grateful for its light tonight. The unruly wisteria is doing its work nicely- its tendrils obscure the path out front. Friend thinks kids will be too spooked of our front gardens to come to our door. The large plastic Jack O Lantern really lights the side of the house. I am grateful I found him.

The Greater Good

Oct 29 2009 06:50

Hmmm. Thinking about Scotland- you really did me a grand turn, Megan! That Scottish guide and tours- oh my- which to choose from?? Hubby is determined we stay in Eyemouth- fishing village calleth- can you tell me more about train service or buses or how folks get around? I am not deliriously happy thinking about driving in Scotland. May have heart failure from huffing up a hill to a castle but driving?! Yikes. We'll probably e-mail the lady soon. We're trying to figure if there is a nicely priced B and B in Eyemouth. Did you travel from England to Edinburgh, Megan? I'd also love to travel through England's Lake Country but that may have to be another time- doing too much in one visit will just sour the visit. Concentration on a single area sounds better, to me, anyway.

Rain but so far not snow here. This winter may turn out to be way too fascinating. Groan. I bought a couple of medium pumpkins yesterday. And again, groan: hubby started his annual batch of pumpkin beer. The more he trys not to make a mess, the more he does. I was a beastly person before bed: I said some beastly mumbles as I stared at a sticky kitchen floor. Blah. Took care of the mess this morning. I hate the idea of the animals walking in the Muck and tracking goo all over the house.

Crazy idea but I got up some courage and sent off an e-mail to the lady who sells things to raise money for stray cat problems. Use my Christmas story as a way to raise more cash? Yup. I am certified nuts. We'll see if she bothers to e-mail me back. I did find a Christmas Story place on e-bay- published books but so what? I'll be delighted if my work can make a difference in this world. Per usual, Samyot Siamese is shoving the keyboard away from me even now.

I am tired as in exhausted but am grateful I can stand up right. I am grateful we get a radio channel that brings classical music to me.

TVP and the food bank

Oct 28 2009 04:48

My friend came to me and said, excited, that the folks at the food bank were giving out oodles of a weird thing- she tried to remember the initials and I guessed TVP- textured vegetable protein (soy). Yes! She said she'd never heard of the stuff and she wasn't sure if her daughter had taken any or not and thought hardly anyone was. Once she brought us cans of lentil soup cause she did not want that. Reminds me of the good old bad days when my senior care work cut out and I ended up at the food bank- I was the weirdo who took in the organic and other odd ball food that noone could figure what to do with. Very tasty. Its coming up to the time when I'll collect food for the bank and for sure I am wondering what to give. Friend says there is always plenty of canned tomato products. Should I go the route of Chef Boy R Dee crap? My prejudice perks right up. I helped an old lady once who got tuna at the food bank so that she could feed her cat. She also said she was allergic to turkey! I remember those gross huge turkey legs- all bone and very little useful meat. Not sure how familys fed themselves on those. And that salty cheese that a friend gave us when daughter was tiny- Food Bank Yuck- would not melt for mac and cheese. Animals refused to touch it. So I'm scratching my head over this. TVP is snuck into American Frozen Food- its in frozen pizza, for instance. That's not all pepperoni, folks!

Sometimes my job in life is to drive my pup crazy. Ha. I took the laptop and sat at the kitchen table and fiddled with writing- pup kept peering around the kitchen doorway, trying to figure if I had a food event in mind. Mean me. It was nice being able to look down property as I wrote. I am grateful for sliding glass doors. I'm outside even when I'm comfortably inside.