prchick's Journal

So, it has been a while... and a lot has happened.  I split from the hubby 4 months ago and kinda ballooned in the preceding months and in these past 4 too... too much stress y'know.

Don't think I'm ready to lose the weight yet, but am ready to start getting back into the habit of knowing what I'm eating rather than just blindly shovelling it in.

Wish me luck - I'll need it!

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Well, nothing has changed since October... despite my continued efforts to sort my sh*t out.

If anything I've gained more weight.

The stress of my wedding, the excesses of my honeymoon, the subsequent fall back to reality, quitting my job through stress, and the subsequent joblessness have all made losing weight fall down the priority queue.

But I think it is actually all connected, and is overwhelmingly a psychological issue more than a physical one.  I believe it is all to do with my attitude to food, and my attitude about myself... how much I love myself etc.

I've been trying to look back at how I was when I lost 6 stone when I was 21.  It was a time of change, but of positive change.  I had a mentor who pushed me to my limits and beyond... and who (even though he didn't know it) made me more happy and confident than I ever thought I would be.

Over these past few years I feel that I have let myself be stifled, I have shut down many of my creative outlets, and have reigned myself in (perhaps too much) so that I could concentrate on my relationship with my fiance/husband.  However I think that has been detrimental to my health, and weight (not to mention creativity!).  I am in no way blaming him - he didn't force me to do anything.  I chose to, subconsciously.

Now it is time to stop that cr*p... and to find the qualities that my old mentor brought out in me.  I am firey, energetic, funny, smart, motivated, and slim!

No more hating myself, then eating cos I do... then hating myself again...

Bring on the positive affirmations!

New years resolutions are not for me... and this isn't one... it just happens to coincide - damnit!

xH

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Well, after 6 months of slipping up completely... and gaining all the weight back... it's time to start over.

The pressure of my wedding in June made me give up on the diet... then we just let go completely and REALLY enjoyed the honeymoon - dinner out every night. 

So in 2 months I gained about 28lbs.  Disgusting!

Every day I think I should start over.  And every day something happens to distract me, or upset me.  A birthday party, an invitation to go out and drink (which in itself is fine, cos I drink spirits with diet soda) but then I usually stop and buy a kebab on the way home, or fish n' chips.  Old habits are hard to break.

Then in the morning, it's back to feeling shitty about the night before, and being determined to make a positive change.  Then something happens and I'm right back to eating that big bowl of pasta I crave!

Vicious cycle!

Thing is, I know how good i feel when I'm losing the weight, and how much more energy I have when I eat well.  I just seem to have a block against making the change.  I just don't feel strong enough to do it.

It would help if my husband got on board... but so far he hasn't wanted to.  I know he's unhappy with his weight too.  Maybe I'll broach the subject again with him... who knows.

Wish me luck.

x

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Well, I lost 3 lbs last week... which is on track.  I know it'll be slow progress, but it always is.

I slipped up lastnight cos I was feeling a little down, and ate a whole bag of doritos n' other shit...  which was stupid.  But hey, shit happens and I gotta get over it, cos guilt ain't gonna help either!

Had a great lunch today, soft cheese on thin rice wafers, and celery sticks - yum.  And am planning some sesame roasted veges for dinner.  mmmm

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Oops, I kinda forgot to write in this journal, I'm always too busy with my blog - oh, and life n' stuff!

Happy 2007!

Good news is that I lost a stone in May/June last year and kept it off til Sept... but then my lovely fiance got himself a job in London and we moved.  The stress of the lead-up to the move, then the move itself, then the chaos that is a newly moved flat lead to me gaining it all back... plus a few pounds.

GRRRRRRRR!

We didn't have a routine, had to live out of boxes, mostly takeaway!  And we were so short of money while we moved that vegetables were almost a luxury item we couldn't afford.  Then there was the stress, I didn't want this move, so I ate to make myself feel better.  The result - I start 2007 feel like a hefferlump!

But yesterday was D-day - Diet day... I don't generally call it dieting, cos it's more a lifestyle change... but these are desperate times and call for desperate measures!

I made a big pot of my famous chilli - turtle beans, red kidney beans, chick peas, black eyed beans, borlotti beans, tomatoes, chillies, celery, carrot, corn, spring onions, mixed capsicums, onions, tomato paste, garlic, herbs, and about 5 hours of gentle cooking... mmmmmmm!  Then I made some cornbread using skim milk and a little vegetable oil --yum!

It's delicious, and filling without being full of crap!  Yay!

Then my lovely fiance made us cream of mushroom soup... yes yes, cream!  But we used that fake cream that is lower in fat.  And he used white wine too - which is good for a girl I tell ya!  So, not as low in fat as my chilli, but still, a good whack of veges and no preservatives liked the canned stuff!

I'm feeling positive at the moment, but am dreading the moment when I am too skint to buy any interesting vegetables, or too tired to cook something decent, or too depressed about living in this yucky city to care...

I just hope I can retrain my brain like I did last year...!  Keeping my fiance on board will help, as he has put on more weight than I have so wants to diet too - yay - support!

:-)

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Sheesh, this whole weight loss thing was easy when my partner was doing it too... but he's eased off and is swaying me with naughty things!  Although maybe that was just one weak moment and he won't do it again!  I know he's stopped counting his calories.  Lucky for him I do most of the cooking and can keep him on track that way.

It'd be nice if he stuck with me though.  Although when it comes down to it, it's an internal journey.  It is me that makes the decisions as to what I eat... no one else can decide whether I have that bowl of chips or not!

I's still losing weight, but I'm struggling with that drive that makes you go the extra mile... will have to get it back this week.

Although on the plus side, my trousers keep slipping down - woo!

A stone down, 4 more to go!

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I made a lifestyle change a month ago.  I always knew all the theory, but didn't put it into practice.

I'm on a 1200 calorie per day diet, with low fat, and low mass carbs (pasta etc)... and have lost nearly a stone in a month.

I want to be slimmer for so many reasons, most importantly my health, then for other things like the ability to buy clothes from high street shops... or wearing a swimsuit without shame!  It's so simple really.

Onwards and upwards, it feels good to be losing again, and feeling so healthy.

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