puh8suwrux's Journal

I'm less of a person than I used to be

Nov 23 2009 07:10

The last time I took measurements was 10/12. Since then, I've lost .5 inches of boobage (could just be the bra), 1.25 inches in my waistline, and .75 inches in my hips. And it is almost TTOM, which means I may actually be bloated at the moment. All that, without even really noticing, because my weight has fluctuated so much.

Mr. Rux sent me back to bed yesterday morning, and I slept until 11. Didn't immediately feel better, but did start feeling better as the day grew, and this morning feeling better but tired. Both the kids woke up, one right after the other, so it was after midnight before I finally got to fall asleep.

I think his feeling sick is mostly just not getting enough sleep. Between his poor sleep habits and "fighting" with his CPAP, he just isn't getting a good night's sleep. But, he realizes he does sleep better with it (when he's actually asleep), so I'm very glad about that. He jumps around a whole lot less with it on. But he's having problems with it leaking air around his face - he's gonna try to call tonight about it.

I did pretty well diet-wise this weekend, if you average it all out. Pigged out at a buffet for breakfast Saturday morning, but didn't eat much the rest of the day. Sunday had two chocolate cake donuts for breakfast, but felt puny so didn't have a whole lot more during the day. Tried to drink lots of water to encourage things to drain. So I weighed in this morning at 178.2. Not my lowest, but 1 pound less than Friday.

Plan for today is cereal and an egg this morning, then taco salad for lunch. I've not been eating enough vegetables, so I'm going to make a big effort to get more of them. I also need to eat more beans, but that can wait 'till after Thanksgiving.

I've got lots to do today to get ready for Thanksgiving. Made it hard to fall asleep last night, thinking of everything that needed to get done. Wish I could turn off my brain like I turn out the light. Even making a list didn't really even settle things. And "50 ways to leave your lover" kept running through my head. Though I dreamed that I was singing "Lady Lumps" to a high school stadium, complete with sexay movements. Wierd that I was wearing a puff jacket at the time.

Ok. Going to try to stay off CC for the most part today - I need to be a busy beaver. Kinda freaking that I won't have access when I travel. (All they have where Mr. Rux's brother lives is dial-up). *pouts*

A weekend entry

Nov 22 2009 13:23

We're taking it easy today. Mr. Rux and I are both feeling under the weather. I'm thinking I'm getting an ear infection and maybe a sinus infection. Just really tired and my ear, jaw and side of my face hurts, as well as some muscle soreness in my neck.

Kids got their first H1N1 dose yesterday - they were glad it was the mist and not a shot, but they need to come back for a second dose. And they need the seasonal vaccination - which means that will probably have to be a shot since the two mists need to be administered a minimum of 4 weeks apart.

Took the kids looking at toys to make a list for Christmas. Having a hard time impressing on #1 that she needs to concentrate on things that she really, really wants, and not just everything she likes. I think pretty much anything Barbie or animal or dress up or noisy will work, though. #2 really liked things she could "mother".

Santa is bringing us all a Wii with Wii fit, so they won't be getting a whole lot of other big price things, but I think that will be fine. The beauty of small children. We will probably get a lot from their cousins when we visit for Thanksgiving - they wanted us to bring lots of boxes to put stuff in! Again, the blessing of handmedown clothes and toys and the curse of too much stuff - can't really honestly complain about it, though.

Thanksgiving is going to be a trial, food-wise, but I think I'm just going to stick with making wise choices as far as snacking, because that is really what kills me. Soda and summer sausage and cheese and pies really aren't good snack foods - I'm going to try to stick with healthier snacks, like fruits and vegetables, and if there aren't many hanging around, I can always go to the store and get some. And lots of gum. Need to remember to bring several packs. It is really a free-for-all type thing, not formal, so it isn't going to step on anyone's toes to do that.

And then we are going to try really hard to not eat out until after Christmas. With the car repairs, and then the holidays, the budget has really flown out the window, so we need to recover it. We'll be eating out on our trip, and probably once or twice when they come visit us after Christmas. I've been pretty bad about not wanting to cook, or not wanting what we have in the fridge, so it's been me a lot that says, "let's eat out." Even if we get it ready-made at the grocery store, it is cheaper than a restaurant (and no problem to warm up sides to go with it).

Things will be so much better once we have the credit cards and student loans paid off. Hubby had an epiphany yesterday when he realized that if we both taught, we could make ends meet, so he's less stressed about "what ifs" as far as his job, and that makes me less stressed too. Less stress is good.

I would like to start doing an early morning "wake-up" stretch/meditation yogaish thing, and maybe another one at night. Just 10-15 minutes to relax and de-stress. Does anyone have any resources they could recommend? I had a hard time finding something I liked just looking on-line. Maybe I didn't know the right words to search with.

...and they lived happily ever after. The End.

(just because I always feel like I write a book compared to everyone else's journal entries . I write more for me than anyone else.)

Feeling mopey

Nov 20 2009 07:55

I guess it must be PMS kicking in, along with all the stress. I am being really hard on myself right now about everything. I feel really guilty right now about so many things.

We decided to put #1's party off until January, since December is so haywire, and we probably need to give people more time to schedule it in their calendars. I feel guilty about that - like I should have been more on the ball.

I feel guilty about not keeping the house spic and span, about not working, about not spending all of my time doing fun stuff with the kids, about the money I spend, about not being outgoing enough to start conversations with people or pick up the phone and make a call. I feel guilty that we have leftovers. I feel guilty that the kids frequently don't like a meal, even if they liked it last time we had it. I feel guilty that I can't get #1 in bed and asleep early enough for her to wake up on her own for school and have time with hubby to myself.

I know I shouldn't feel guilty about this stuff, that it is unrealistic expectations, but right now I do.

I feel like hubby is a bit frustrated with me, because of those things, and because I've started sleeping in another bed so I can actually go to sleep at a decent hour. It is so blissful to actually be asleep at 10:00 - but I feel guilty putting my sleep above his feelings.

I'm pretty sure this is a mixture of PMS and stress about the holidays. It should go away after #1's party in January.

I think I'm going to look for a meditation or yoga video or something at the library. Maybe I can do that for several minutes before I wake the kids up. I've never done meditation (or yoga) before, but this tight, tangled feeling at the pit of my stomach can't be healthy. Or feeling on the verge of tears all the time.

Maybe I should talk to my doctor about upping my anti-depressant for the holidays - but somehow that seems like it would lead down the wrong path. I don't want to take anti-depressants my whole life - I was actually going to quit them after the holidays, because I felt like I could handle my life again - until now. I need to learn how to deal with this crap.

Food Log - 11/19/09

Nov 19 2009 19:06

Nutrition Report

Fat - 24.7% (48 grams)
Protein - 25.1% (110 grams)
Carbohydrates - 50.2% (221 grams)
Alcohol - 0%
Other - 0%

Daily Sodium Intake - 3,153 mg
Daily Sugar Intake - 122 grams
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 379 mg
Daily Saturated Fat Intake - 13 grams
Daily Fiber Intake - 30 grams

Calories In: 1673

Calories Out: 2030 (-357)

Sugar = S'mores. 'Nuff said.

Did slightly better on the sodium, but still a bit higher than I would like - thank you taco seasoning and that wonderful rotisserie chicken. I think 2500 is the goal. Fiber was better - got that lettuce cut up! And the protein looks pretty good, too.

Very happy that I did so well today. Just an hour and a half of light cleaning boosted my burn by almost 200 calories. Something to remember.

My calories in is around what I will need to maintain a sedentary lifestyle at 145 lbs.

It's Gonna Be a Bright Sunshiney Day

Nov 19 2009 09:51

Love that song...

Went to bed at about 9:30 last night, fell asleep quickly, and only woke up a few times to go back to sleep quickly. Feeling pretty good today, and for the first time in 4 or 5 days, the sun is shining and it isn't rainy. It is amazing what a good night's sleep and some sunshine can do for you!

Hubby's a bit disgruntled because I have done literally nothing the past few days. Tuesday I had a pretty good headache, but yesterday I just didn't do anything. Probably would have been less cold if I had. He didn't bring it up, I asked him about it, and he said he wished he could stay home and do nothing, but he has to go to work and actually work. I wish he wasn't so resentful of me staying home - I do more than he would, and it was a decision we made together. What it is is that HE HATES going to work, so he is very jealous of me. I can understand somewhat.

Ah, well, in three years #2 will be in kindergarten and I will find a part time job and make him feel a little better. By then the cards and student loans should be paid off, and we'll feel like we can actually "act our wage." It will be a big stress load off. Right now, my working would bump us into a new tax bracket, and then all of the expenses of daycare, etc. And it is NICE being able to stay home - especially when I feel I am doing a good job there.

Anyway, I've already done a load of laundry and have a load of dishes going. Need to do a couple more loads of laundry to get caught up, another load of dishes, and need to actually finish the invitations for #1's party. If I have time to do more, then I will - I feel productive.

Oh, and for those of you who saw the picture of me and #2 in Peaches' journal, there is a picture of #1 in my gallery - it's the picture I'm putting in the invitation. Wish she'd let me play with her hair and do it fancy, but she won't. Oh, well.

Food log

Nov 18 2009 19:22

calories in: 1782

calories out: 1840 (-58)

Nutrition Report

Fat - 23.1% (48 grams)
Protein - 23% (107 grams)
Carbohydrates - 53.8% (249 grams)
Alcohol - 0%
Other - 0%

Daily Sodium Intake - 4,209 mg
Daily Sugar Intake - 146 grams
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 254 mg
Daily Saturated Fat Intake - 15 grams
Daily Fiber Intake - 26 grams
Nutrition Grade

Hopefully putting this in my journal will force me to analyze it and think better about my choices.

The processed food makes my sodium obscene, and I'd like to get more fiber, but other than that, I think I did pretty good today. The sugar comes from the spiced apples mostly.

Tomorrow I'm going to get off my butt and be busy around the house (that will help my burn and keep me warmer!) And I'm going to eat leftovers for lunch and cook something for dinner, so no pizza pockets or beef jerky. Get that lettuce chopped - I've been avoiding it because I'm so cold, but really, it only takes a few minutes.

In the 170's, yet again!

Nov 18 2009 07:18

I just keep hopping around on that line between the 180's and the 170's. And with Thansgiving coming - I'm gonna try but it is going to be hard. We'll be driving about 10 hours to get to Mr. Rux's brother's house in Tennessee. He's kindly offered us one of his free stays at a Holiday Inn, so we will probably try to drive after work and school for a few hours, stay in St. Louis, then keep going.

I am NOT excited. I don't like not knowing what to expect as far as meal times. My sister-in-law is LD, and my brother-in-law is ADHD (well, he's undiagnosed, but it is pretty apparent) and their house is a swirling pit of chaos. The good thing is - at least I usually come back feeling better about myself and how I manage my household.

Also realized that my TTOM falls exactly during this time. I hate having my period when travelling, especially when we are staying at someone else's house. It is so awkward because I don't want to leave anything in their trash, but I hate carrying stuff through the house. Bah humbug.

I'm tired today, yet again. #2 woke up around 4:00 I think, crawled into my bed, and didn't go back to sleep for an hour or so. I've been sleeping in the guest bedroom so I can go to sleep when I want, but with kids it hasn't worked out spectacularly.

I also think I may be sleeping with too many covers. I have to lay them on thick to get rid of the icy feet I get when I lay down (last night it took more than an hour for them to warm up with two blankets, a bedspread, and several fleece blankets piled on). So I'll wake up in the night, feel hot chills, and not want to venture out and take off the top blanket. I'm not sweating.

Have a dental check-up this afternoon. It's been a year and a half - it's hard to get things scheduled with hubby having to take off work for it. Pretty sure I have a couple of cavities . I never had cavities until after my first was born. Then I had three all at one time. And I literally cried in the dentist's chair.

Guess that's it today. Since I didn't do ANYTHING Monday or yesterday, I have to try to catch up today with the house. As tired as I feel - we'll see how that goes. I'd like things to be in good shape when we leave for Thanksgiving - it feels awful coming back to a pigsty.

Need to make the party invitations. Think I may send one to my Mom - she would appreciate it.

Thanks everyone for the kind words about my old minister. He was a wonderful man, and I'm sorry I felt too awkward to send him a note letting him know that he was a big part of my life when I was a teenager, even though I knew he was ill.

Oh, and if you are wondering about my new avatar - it is my character, Rilassa, in Runescape. Figured out how to take screen shots - Woo hoo!

Everyone have a blessed day!

Yet another book

Nov 17 2009 10:48

Last night we did a wall of thankfulness. I'm wanting the girls to think about the blessings they have, so we took turns stating what we were thankful for and I wrote them on leaves that we taped to the living room wall. The girls were totally engrossed in the activity, though admittedly their thankfulness was for silly things like a particular toy. To be expected for their age, though. I want to make this a tradition for the weeks before Thanksgiving.

I have a hard time voicing my thoughts on things like this, though. I think I feel like I'm just using cliches when I say I'm thankful for my house and my health and my family, thought I truly am thankful for all of these things.

As far as the tea party - I found sets of cups online at a floral supply that were the price I was expecting to pay for the cups at a thrift store, and I called to make sure they were food-safe, so I went ahead and purchased them. They all match, which is probably a good thing - so no one feels like they got the "ugliest" cup. And we will have a few leftover for future friends over. AND they just called and said it would probably get to me Monday - really happy with this company.

Found some pasteboard boxes at Wal-Mart that have a cute scalloped edge on the lid - but they only had 5. So, I need to go by some other Wal-Marts and keep checking. They were less than a $1 each, but the materials to decorate with are adding up. I found washable glitter markers that I was really happy to find, then some stick on jewels, and some stencils, and some ribbon I already had.

I think I am going to make cheap clip-on earrings for all of the girls, then call it quits on the favors. I'm doing more than I did last year because there are far fewer kids and we are having it at home instead of a hosting place, but I think this is enough. Far better than a bag of candy and cheap plastic toys, and not a whole lot more expensive.

I'm very excited and nervous about having the party at my house. How confident I feel depends greatly on how well I've been keeping the house - and right now the house is pretty messy. And I'm going to have to buy a couple of folding chairs or I won't be able to seat everyone. I will wait for that until I have RSVP's, though. I already have a table that does extend to seat 8-10, and I have a nice gold tablecloth and napkins that I was planning on using. I want to make this a fancy affair for the girls. I might buy the tissue paper strands and tie bows on the chairs.

Now, I just have to get #1 to actually pose for the picture to go in her invitation, and word the invitation. For the front, I'm planning to cut tea cups out of some scrap floral fabric, and print "Hear ye, Hear ye! By Royal decree, you are invited to a princess tea." Then on the inside I'll have #1's picture of her in a princess dress holding a tea cup pop up, and have all of the pertinent information. I'm wondering about parents staying with their kids, and how to word it. Mr. Rux will be there to help, and the mom of the 3 girls from church I can ask to stay to help as well (I helped with her daughter's party - and it is an excellent chance to get to know her a little better)

And, as always my journal is again a book. Thinking aloud is what it is. #2 is hungry but doesn't want lunch food. Guess I need to get off and fix my own lunch so she'll see it and want some too. Though, beef jerky and fruit isn't any better than a ham sandwich .

ETA: I just got news that the pastor of the church I attended as a teen and who participated in our wedding ceremony died after a long fight with cancer. I did some work in the church library, and there was a time when he was the adult I would go to with problems, and I will always remember his hearty laugh and how often he used it. Somehow, hearing he was ill didn't seem as real as hearing he has passed, and it seems that somehow I should not have felt so awkward sending him a note telling him about his part in my life before he passed out of it entirely. I need to send a card to his wife, and I need to be more proactive in telling people what they have meant to me.

I haven't done anything today.

Nov 16 2009 15:02

Except have a most awesome CC meet-up. In case any of you are wondering, watergirl and peaches0405 ARE real people, and they were a lot of fun to hang out with. Thanks girls!

The weekend was a blur. We did awful as far as eating out - EVERY single meal! BUT, I think I managed to do fairly well - I tried to stop when I wasn't hungry, and think I did fairly well.

We got firewood for free from the Kansas City brush and leaf collection center - some whole logs we were able to split to fit in the fire pit we bought last weekend. The iron fire pit was probably the best $75 we've spent in a while - sturdy and we will use it frequently!

Then we made our weekly trip to SAM's, with some stops at thrift shops for teacups. Couldn't find any that weren't part of a dish set. I'm thinking I may give up on the giving out tea cups, and just use the ones that came with my dishes. I'll send something else home. Otherwise, it is ordering them online for about $3.50 each (not TOO bad with only 9 girls, but have to order in increments of 6), and hoping they come in time and not when we are gone for Thanksgiving. I also didn't find a pretty tea pot (only a couple of really ugly brown ones), but I'm not sure how necessary that really is for a kindergarten age party (with hot cocoa).

We made it to church again this Sunday, which was a big deal for us. It is amazing how much easier it is to get everyone dressed when shoes are actually in closets and clothes are washed and put away and hairbrushes are in the bathroom! I made it to church and I WASN'T grumpy from having to dig around the house for things!! Snowballs are so wonderful!!

Hope everyone else has an amazing Monday (or at least a bit of glitter in the day).

That'll do, little pig. That'll do.

Nov 13 2009 10:04

I don't know why I'm quoting Babe. I hate that movie, probably stemming from a day that was hotter than all get out, getting stung by a wasp on my leg, then going to movie group only to find my hubby (we weren't dating yet, but I was chasing) had gone to a play with another girl. We watched Babe that night. Stupid movie.

I did awesome yesterday. I got the living room and the hall steam cleaned - the living room looks really good, the hall looks less gross. I touch-up mopped the kitchen, cleaned off the table, and did a load of laundry and a load of dishes. I ate well, until hubby didn't show up at his normal time and I started munching. But I realized what I was doing, and went ahead and ate. He was a little over an hour later than usual, so I was glad I did.

All in all, I think burned a little more than 400 calories more than I ate - much better than I have been doing.

Today I feel exhausted - there was a pea under my mattress again. Hubby stayed up late because he didn't have a "good" book to read. Honestly, why doesn't he just leave and go to another room when he does that? He can't be still or quiet. He thinks he might have Tourette's - I think he's just obnoxious and has poor self-control. And of course, it is the tired grumpies talking right now.

What I want to get done today (I've started making a list on my wipe-off board on the fridge - it helps me keep on track):

load of dishes
load of laundry
pick up, vacuum, and steam clean the kids' room and the master bathroom
wipe off the ceiling fans

And I've had a bit more to eat calorie-wise than I did this time yesterday. I went ahead and made my full size coffee, and I had two poached eggs for a snack (already), after my normal bran flakes, granola, and fiber one breakfast. It's tired eating, I know. But I can't take a nap with #2 running around, so I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I will try a big glass of ice water and actually doing something. Wash my face and brush my teeth - funny how often I skip that because I'm too busy hovering over the kids trying to get them ready to go on time!

I feel really good about what I am accomplishing these days. I bought some redi-wipes, so I'm trying to wipe the bathroom doorknobs, sinks and toilets every day. New habit - not good at it yet. But it sure is nice to have a clean sink and potty, and really, it only takes 2 minutes, max, to do both bathrooms, if I keep with it.

It is so much easier now that #2 is spending some time entertaining herself, rather than needing me with her every moment. It bothers me, though, when I look back on the day and realize I didn't really spend any time interacting WITH her, other than asking her what she wants for breakfast and lunch. But, she's finding what she needs or she'd be bothering me more.

I haven't been working out because I don't want to spend that time that I could be cleaning. Not good. Next week, I am going to make myself start at the gym again. I have to find some balance between getting a good workout, and working so hard that I want to slack the rest of the day.

Hubby is talking about buying a Wii for the family Christmas present. I'm not sure we could all share one, but it does look like a lot of fun. Even the fitness stuff looks entertaining. But I'm feeling like maybe we shouldn't spend that money this year. Next year, the credit cards should be paid off, and I would feel better about it. We have two with balances, and one that we use that we pay off every month. So everything we buy, makes it take longer to pay them off. At the same time, a little indulgence every now and then makes you feel like it is all worth it. Especially the one going to work!

#1 has a congested cough. She does this every year about this time - it stays with her for a while. But she will cough all night long, and then is hard to get along with the next day. Not that that means she will go to bed any easier come night-time. I don't like to give her cough suppressant unless she is really having a tough time of it, because I want her to get that stuff out. But she sleeps so hard, that once I decide maybe she needs some, it is sometimes hard to wake her up to get her to take it. In which case I think maybe she doesn't need it yet. If only children had written instructions on their forehead that tell you the next thing you need to do.