replenish's Journal

Daily Process
Oct 09 2009 07:12

CW: 57.4 kg

GW: 54.4 kg

Deadline: by the end of this year.

Everyday I'll input how much I weigh to see how much my weight fluctuates.

57.4
57.2

Back Again
Oct 08 2009 21:53

Guess what..I'm back again. This time heavier than ever, and I'm not going to stress how much I've gained as well as how ugly I feel. My face is ginormous and frankly, my mid-section has gotten worse. I try and try again but the stubborn fat always seems to stay on me. Whenever I do lose it and my eating habits are stable, there always seems to be something that brings me back to eating like a freakin' pig. I've noticed that through this whole year, all I've done is complain. No progress is seen, felt, or admired. I hate myself. I hate my life. I'm screwed for my  future but there is still time- not very much but hopefully enough to change everything around.

Quit complaining and lazing around. Reach for the goal and "do not disappoint the people who believe in you"

Fcuk
Mar 15 2009 21:27

Binged around 2600 calories today. It's not even accurate, probably ate even more..I'm too ashamed to go to my friend's house tomorrow. Shiet. I hate myself.

updater
Mar 03 2009 21:58

meer, I haven't posted on this for a long time and I'm supposed to be studying for bio but..got distracted as usual. x]

So..the overeating problem is slowly getting better, well not good enough to call it "normal eating" just a over indulgence I suppose. It was doing fairly well cause there was no junk food at home to really eat but then like always, dad brings home satan's food. A rasphberry cake, chex mix, and a big box of chocolate (I was known to eat about 900 calories worth of those in one sitting). Though I over indulged on the cake which I coughed up 800 calories (metaphorically speaking of course) or in simpler terms 2 slices. Yesterday I only ate one slice and was satisfied suprisingly. Today I managed to even out the food I ate and didn't just mindlessly eat a ton of calories in one sitting. Though I still think this is a bad habit even though it's been getting better somehow. Now the problem- exercising- I've always been an active type.. exercising from 1 hour-close to 3 hours everyday but I was sick last week and took a week off. Now I'm just really lazy and don't feel like exercising at all, nada! I have to get back to my exercise habit even if it takes away my studying time. Come home, eat a yogurt, jog for 40 mins and then hwk. Snack..skip for 30 mins and then finish with dinner. Simple said then done, I always end up dragging myself home and first thing that's on my mind is food! Gaah. So fat D:
Well, today I exercised for 80 mins and reminded me of how nice it feels so tomorrow I'll keep at it. 1500 calories tomorrow cause of 2500 calories eaten today -__-; (dam cake) and 1 hour exercise. No more strenous exercise. I want to stick to studying for school. Barely making it past honour roll, If I get a min of 67% in bio then I'll get honours. I just really hope it's more than that.. been slacking off school for way to long now. I know every mark cept gey bio, frickin Mr.L >___< 

Oh yea, did I mention not eating half the bag of chex. It just..didn't taste as good as it did before which totally turned me away from eating more of it. Happy, yet still sad that I have even more rolls on my belly and that I can feel the damn fat when I bend inwards. So uncomfortablee, I really wish the fat would go away fast but it will take at least a month to see the fat finally burn off. Nice and slow..

uuuhhhhhhhhh so, my small goal right now, regardless of calories is to give up junk food for good. Starting with one week then one month, and so on...

I MUST ACCOMPLISH IT! I WON'T BE A FCUKIN FAILURE ANYMORE!

Spring is near, goodbye Winter blues.
Feb 06 2009 20:39

Tomorrow is 6 degrees celcius! Finally a warm day, and a break from the cold winter. That means spring is near and that means I can bike again! I loved biking with my friends last year and hopefully we can do more of it this year. It will help burn off all that excess weight I've developed from the winter of overeating. Dunno if it's a temporary seasonal torment or complete loss of control, either way the spring and summer time is the best time for me to lose weight since I can go outside again. Biking for 2 hours is a breeze even though I never expected it to be but since the winter hit I probably won't be in very good shape. Though I still exercise on the treadmill everyday and skip rope for 15 mins, I hope my biking endurance will get back to where it was. Byebye Winter, I used to love you but you helped make the suffering even more harder to endure for me. (:

..
Feb 04 2009 17:44

I just keep gaining and gaining..I don't know what to do anymore.

Haven't checked the scale in a week cause I'm at the TOTM and my overeating behaviour has struck again. I think I'm around 130 now x___x fearing the worst..but hoping it's not true.

Starting Again
Jan 30 2009 23:25

I don't know how many times I've been in this phase but always falling off the wagon is really irritating me. I really want to stay on this track, and for good this time. No more excuses, no more binges, I'm sick of it and I want it to stop. I know I've said this so many times but tomorrow is going to be different. My change in eating will stay fixated on healthy food not to mention clean food. If I ever feel the need to binge, just run out and hop on the treadmill, more benefit than just eating crap when I crave for it. Just not worth it anymore- come to think of it, it's never worth it. Seriously need to eliminate the belly fat that circulates around my mid-section right now cause it's really hard to look at. I actually can feel the fat which is even more disturbing. This is why I have to get rid of this fat and bad habit eating and start anew. I will be burning around 900 calories everyday and eating 1600 calories. Exercising for 2 hours and 10 mins. Though it may seem like alot, I think it's worth it since I've could have spent the amount of time exercising instead of stuffing my face with chocolate :] I have good stamina too so it's all good. I just want to be really fit! If I stick to this plan I can lose up to..16 lbs in 2 weeks or 2 lbs each week. I know my metabolism will slow down cause it will be less fat to lose so I don't expect to lose too much. My main goal here is to get back in control from binge eating, changing my eating lifestyle to a healthy one, getting deeeezed (not really), and lose the ugly stomach fat that has tormented me for 2 months! :DDDDD

I will not give up and be half assed about this any longer!

Blrrrg
Jan 27 2009 21:10

I binged again today..did I mention I binged yesterday? I didn't count the calories but when I got home I was at 800 cal. Probably shot up to 2000, no clue right now. I purged afterwards, not so proud of that either. Tomorrow I've planned out my journel to self-recovery and a bigger calorie deficit is implanted in my brain so I can eat more calories and see the results faster- plus it's still a safe healthy way of losing. 1600 calories and 800 calories burned for 1 hour and 30 mins of exercise everyday. Eating clean *limiting processed foods and of course no more binging!

slip out
Jan 23 2009 21:59

Crap, I slipped today and ate half a walut butter cake and a mini fruit tart..+ some additional add ons that I wasn't supposed to eat. Total today was 2200 maybe, didn't accuratly count but approximatly that much. I exercised today and I'll probably only gain 100 calories from that overeat. Fell off but picking back where I left off tomorrow. I'll lower my cals tomorrow just cause of today and exercise for maybe 30 mins or so cause I have homework. Damnit, I probably won't get honours this term cause of my lazy ass slacking off. Practically all my marks dropped but a few %. Ugh. .____.

Oh, the reason I overate was probably the tuna salad sandwich I had for lunch, after I found out it was worth around 600 calories I guess I got itimidated and just screwed up my whole healthy eating. Began with a few bites of the cake but left it alone and told myself "No, it's not worth it" but an hour later I just gave in and ate a bunch of shiet. I still kept the thought of not eating anything that has no nutrition in it or does not follow the food pyramid.

just realized..
Jan 16 2009 16:46

I went through some of my pictures when I was 105-110 lbs and realized how skinny I was...man. I felt faat when I was that skinny but now I feel worse cause I've gained 15 lbs. I'm very impatient right now even though I know that it should be a slow process to lose weight but I really miss my old body now. I really find the fat on my face disgusting to look at and even my whole body. It's completely changed, why did I have to start thinking about losing weight when I was already skinny to begin with..
just ended up becoming "actually" fat. -sigh- When will I get to feel better about my body again .____.