restless_girl's Journal

Only fruit in the house are apples and kiwi fruit and I don't particularly feel like either of them.
... Migh take some kiwi fruit to work with me.

One of the bad things about that day is how many calories were in my lunch.
It ended up being so high because I had 2 cups of rice.
But oh well.

I'm not feeling great.
I have been really having trouble with anxiety, almost constantly.
Even when there isn't anything happening.
I just feel like my chest is all tight and my heart is fluttery and I can't breathe properly.
Trying to plan my holiday in Aus but it's getting difficult trying to get things sorted with my friend who's coming too.
So that's stressful too.

Matt and I are ... weird, as usual.
We haven't found a good level of "just friends" yet.
We're either barely talking to each other, or ... having moments of pretending we didnt break up at all and sleeping together.
It's frustrating.

My mental state has degraded back to what it was before we got together, which isn't very pleasent.
So I'm much more anxious, depressed, stressed and have very low self esteme.

Basically, life is utter shit, he was my life line when I was feeling really bad, and now I don't have that.