robtucker430's Journal

Weigh In: 269.0
Five Day Average: 268.31

Ok, so the weight went up a bit today, but I'm not going to sweat it. First off, seeing 2 pounds fall off in a day (from 268 to 266) wasn't going to stick, so seeing it go up is no sweat. Secondly, I weighed in WAY early this morning, I had to get out of the house super early, like 5:30am early today to get to the gym and get to my final exam by 8am downtown this morning. So, not worried about the 269.

I titled this blog, "Now - The Hard Part" because this next week is going to test my loyalty to myself. My self control in an unfamiliar environment. I took my last final exam today, and starting tomorrow until the new year, I have no work and no school, as I took my last week and a half of vacation time from work.

I have no schedule.

Which sounds great - and it is - but that means no 'scheduled' lunch time. It means way too much down time where sneaking into the fridge would kill the diet. It means that I really - REALLY have to be adamant about what I eat, and I think more importantly - WHEN I eat it. And we're not even talking about the holiday parties that will be on-going for the next 7 days.

So, it's the hard part. But getting blow 270 was the hard part. Getting back on my feet after losing my footing a few times was the hard part. Getting under 300 was the hard part. Breaking my 21 day plateau of being at 330 was the hard part. Admitting that I needed help and had to start this blog in the first place was the hard part.

The GOOD part is that I've overcome obstacles before, and I'll do it again.


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Weigh In: 266.5 (new low!)
Five Day Average: 270.06 (new low!)

It's working. I've been eating right (perhaps a bit lean actually), been working out 7 days a week, and on December 1 I weighed in at 277.5. Eighteen days later, I'm down 11 pounds. Granted, it's been fluctuating so wildly the past few weeks that I wouldn't call that an '11 pound loss', but if you put the averages against each other, this is how it comes out:

Five Day Average as of today: 270.06
Five Day Average as of December 1: 276.81

So if we're talking REAL numbers, I'm down over 6 pounds this month so far. You'll never hear me complain about that.

It's about determination. I hovered around 275 because I didn't have it. I found excuses to be average. And when you're average, you don't see results. Granted, I never 'gained' it, but I never 'lost' it either. And that's the definition of average.

I don't really have much to post about, but I wanted to put that 266.5 up there. I want to see a five day average of 265 by the end of the month, but we're starting to get into the part of the month where there's a TON of land mines. I made a promise to myself that if I gave it 100% throughout the month of December that I wouldn't limit myself during the holiday parties. I've got a few of them coming up, and I know what that means.

I've got three options that way I see it.

1: Eat however I want during the holiday parties - it's what I promised myself I'd allow.
2: Eat 100% clean and "miss out" on the food.
3: Use common sense, enjoy enough to enjoy it, but use your brain.

Option three seems to be the obvious choice, so that's how I'll go. The catch is, I can't fall into the trap. "I earned it" is not good enough. That's a justification. I also earned the low weight and health benefits, and big pile of chocolate covered chocolate just doesn't support that earning.

One other thing - I've noticed a major slowdown with some of our members during this time. I hear that we're 'busy', and I know that we all have a lot going on. But this blog, and this weight loss thing, it can't be forgotten. Make time for your health the way you make time for work, school, your family and your responsibilities. Without your health, you can't enjoy the rest of those things anyway. Hang in there, FAT!

OK, one more other thing. For those of you who know my cousin Gary who used to blog on here, his wife Patty just gave birth to their first child this morning, baby Brennan. VERY excited for them. Just thought you guys would like to know.

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Weigh In: 268.25 (new low!)
Five Day Average: 271.1

It's a Monday night but it feels like the weekend. I only have to work 17 hours this week, and then I have the rest of the week, PLUS all of next week, off of school. My last final exam of my bachelor's degree is tomorrow morning. Erin's a teacher, and got a snow day, so I decided to take the day off with her. We went to the gym, went to the mall, went to go see "I Am Legend" with Will Smith. Sweet movie.

Oh, and I also hit 268.5 today.

Not much to say about it, except for it's not this huge 'milestone' that I always seem to put on myself. I did the same thing when I got to 300. I put so much effort and time and stress and hard work and anger and every other emotion I can think of into this, and when I FINALLY beat the number (getting under 270, for example), it's like - no big deal.

If I'm being honest, I'm looking forward to Wednesday when the 276 comes off my record, and I get under 270 for a 5-day average. My brain is already geared towards hitting 265 before the New Year.

So, I've found my new gear. Full speed ahead.


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Weigh In: 269.5 (new low!)
Five Day Weigh In: 272.45

First off, my weight's been crazy lately. Here's my last five.

270.25
271.5
276
275
269.5

Obviously, that's one of hell of a lot of fluctuation.

A few things that come to mind. First off, I'm glad to see the 269.5 show its face, but by the weigh-ins lately, I'm not holding my breath for it to stick. I'll be glad if it does though, and I haven't done anything to not deserve it to stick. Been there, though - so we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Here's a comment that Melody on the calorie-count.com website left for my blog. This really leaves me thinking, and I want everyone's opinion on this. Her reply to my last blog:

I dont think your eating enough?

I did a needs calculator putting you at 6'0" (your taller right?) 275 lbs and moderate activities. It said:

• You'll need at least 3,810 calories to maintain your current weight and activity level.

Of this, 2,240 calories are required to meet your body's basic energy needs. That amount (your resting energy expenditure) is what you'd use up if you did nothing but lie in bed all day.

• To lose about one pound per week, you'll need to cut back to 3,310 calories per day.
http://www.ahealthyme.com/CalNeed.do

I think your eating way too low. I mean your pretty damn active and thats not including exercise. Hell I'm 100 lbs lighter and if I exercise I eat 1800 calories.

Time to rethink your eating?

Now, I noticed a long, long time ago that the calorie-count.com website recommended that I eat a lot more calories than I have been. I've been using 1800-2200 as my number for as long as I can remember. It's gotten me down as far as I have already, so I'm hesitant to change that.

But, I've been to multiple sites just like the one Melody is referring me to - and I'm wondering if maybe she's on to something. To the guys who are my size or close (I'm 6'4, 269.5 as of this morning), what's your calorie intake? Should I be doing more? I hesitate to even imagine taking on more calories, but the whole math thing, everything we've learned from the 'books', tells me that I should be taking in more. So - thoughts?

Also - one other thing: I think I realize why my weight ballooned so quickly those past few days. I had a good amount of ham at the company Christmas party a few days ago. Erin's mom was telling me that it seems like every day-after-Easter she can't get her rings on because she eats the ham and it swells her up for a few days. Perhaps that explains the obscene 6 pound jump? That would make sense.

Ok, another night in the books. Hopefully everyone is doing well. We're in the middle of a snowstorm in Michigan, so I'm prepared to get some cardio doing the snow blowing tomorrow morning. Until tomorrow!


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Weigh In: None

I actually went to weigh in today, but since it was so ass early and not even close to the time I normally weigh in, I'm not going to bother recording it. It was something like 275, but it would normally drop a pound or two from the time I weighed in to the time I normally would. So, an "unofficial" 275?

I've had something in the back of my head the past few days and it was verbalized by my father in law this morning. I've been in the gym EVERY SINGLE day, working my ass off. I've been eating pretty damned perfectly. A few days ago I had a half-cup, and that's a half-cup MEASURING cup of low fat ice cream. That is 110 calories. Then, the next day I had 2 cookies. The little ones - about 80 calories a piece. My weight went up six pounds.

In the back of my head, I think that's total bullshit. I understand "fluxuation", and I get that slipping will cause my weight to go up. I've got no bone to pick with it. But I can't help but think in the back of my head that it makes no sense. Everything we learn about 3500 calories equaling a pound, all the math and science that goes into this whole process, and to have my weight go up like 4 times by a HUGE jump like this - because of approximately 270 calories when everything else is golden, it makes no sense.

In my head, if you were listening, you would hear, "It's not fair".

But I know what that sounds like. I know it's someone complaining because the scale isn't agreeing with them. But when Tom and I were working out this morning, he said that he had read my blog from a few days ago, and his exact words were, "I saw what you said you ate, and that just doesn't seem fair that you would gain six pounds after that".

So maybe it's not fair. Maybe that little voice in the back of my head was right. Maybe gaining 6 pounds by staying under my calories for the day but exchanging a bag of carrots for sweet isn't what the 'rulebook' says.

I think I'm right to be frustrated about it. And since frustration fuels anger, and anger fuels intense workouts, I think I can be ok with it. For what it's worth, I've had a handful of peanuts, an apple and lettuce with tuna on top of it today, and it's about 2pm. I had a great workout today. I'm going into the weekend feeling energized and ready to knock it out of the park.

Fair's got NOTHING to do with it.

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Weigh In: 276 (ouch)
Five Day Average: 272.0

If you haven't read yesterdays' blog yet - read that first, and then come back to this one, or this one won't make any sense. 

Now that I've been thinking about it, I think I'm putting a ton of pressure on getting to the "number" 269 - the same way I did 300 and the same way I did 330.

It's like some huge race to get there - I feel like I'm trying to starve myself sometimes, trying to go 'overboard' in the gym sometimes - just doing things I normally wouldn't do (eat cookies - I'm not even a "sweets" guy), when these huge milestones come around.

I just need to settle down, stick in the gym, stick to good eating, and let the scale happen.  Easier said than done though, I suppose.  I've actually considered putting the scale away - pulling it down from the shelf on Mondays to weigh in for challenges, and not being obsessed with the scale number.  On the other hand, there's been MANY times where I've wanted to eat poorly, but then I step on the scale and know in my head that if I do eat poorly, that number will go up.  So in a way, stepping on the scale 8-10 times a day has kept me in check as well.

I get all mad that "I've been trying to hit 270 since October".  That's not even really the truth.  I half assed it for months, and the RESULT was me not hitting 270.  That's a far cry from really working hard and just not earning the results.  I've only been REALLY TRYING since December 1 - and I've lost 4-5 pounds since then.  It means that I'm working hard and seeing results.  I need to stop looking at 270 as a "goal", and focus on 1-2 pounds a week steady weight.  Does that make sense, or is that me just making an excuse?

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Weigh In: 271.5
Five Day Average: 271.2

The last year has taught me a lot about myself. A lot of it is good - I can put my mind to something and achieve it. I have higher standards for myself than I used to. I can work harder than I gave myself credit for.

The last 24 hours have been strange. I wrote that blog last night just feeling like I could do nothing wrong. Even the picture in the blog yesterday showed someone hauling ass down a mountain with a big avalanche behind them. Sometimes when you get building your speed and workouts up so much, you need to watch out for the black ice on the bridge. There might be ice there - and where there's ice, there's a chance to slip up.

Today was my company holiday party. I was prepared - I knew I was going to eat with my group, but I knew I was going to make the right decisions, and I did. You can't even imagine the spread here - this was insane. Just nuts. I got sliced ham (that spiral ham thing) and this broccoli and cranberries salad. That's it. I went back to my desk, and was proud of myself.

But then, for some reason I went back and grabbed a handful of the candied popcorn. Just a small handful - nothing that's harmful, just a few bites.

The black ice.

I didn't drive off the road - but I think I lost some traction. After that, I wanted more. So I had another handful. And on the way home from work I grabbed 2 cookies. Not big cookies, but cookies. I don't know why. Was it a self-destruct button? Something in me that wants to 'reward' me for doing well the past few days?

I'm not sure what it was. But I slipped on the ice, regained control of my car and am back on the road, full speed. I may take a bump in the weight tomorrow morning, and it might piss me off, but what else can I do? Right back at it, full speed ahead.


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Weigh In: 270.25 (tied for new low - October 13)
Five Day Weigh In: 271.6

A few cool things to note today.

First off - a mental war that was not only won, but dominated. I woke up today and just felt like doing NOTHING in terms of working out. I worked out twice last night, and my body was feeling it. So, I laid around and watched TV when I knew I should be in the gym. By my weight on the scale this morning, I knew I was SOOOOO close to seeing the 260's, so I kept telling myself that I absolutely HAD to get some exercise in.

So instead of packing a gym bag, going to the gym, getting a locker, working out and then having to transport all my crap to the showers, I put my running shorts and shoes on and threw the headphones out and head out the door. It was about 20 degrees out - but it got warm as I ran.

I was going to do my 'usual' (that I've done like 5 times - not exactly a 'habit') 2 mile route and get to work. As I was jogging, I decided that I wanted to try a different route. Just go a different way and really not worry about my 'time' and my 'speed' and just go for a run.

Best decision in my 'running history' yet. I just adventured. Should I turn right or left? Keep going, go into this neighborhood? Hey, I'm close to my in-law's house, maybe I'll run by and see if they see me so I can brag about this long ass run that I'm doing. About a half mile in, it started to rain. Remember that I told you that it's about 20 degrees. Basically a mushy hail. Pretty miserable.

Instead of wimping out, that fueled me as a challenge. The snow, braving the elements, running in winter gear - and "Eye Of The Tiger" blaring through the headphones - I was in my freaking element.

So I ran.

4.41 miles.

Nonstop.

Sweating balls the entire time - but I NEVER stopped.

Damn proud of myself.

I then went to work, ate right, came home, ate right (although I had seconds of dinner, probably shouldn't have done that but it was healthy seconds), and then went and played competitive volleyball for an hour and had a great sweat going there. Finally, it's 8:40pm as I type this, and I'm exhausted. But I feel good about myself.

I cheated once though, and I hope it doesn't bite me in the ass. My general rule is that I weigh in right when I wake up, before I do any exercise or eating. It gives me a good official weigh in. As I said, it was 270.25. When I got done with my 4.41 mile run, I couldn't help but step on the scale. It read 268.5. New low, right? Wrong. Doesn't count unless it's the first weigh in of the day.

But it's on the horizon. It's coming. And it will be mine, sooner than later.

And then, when I get the 269, I'm going after 259 like a bat out of hell. Kind of like this video. Watch that right before you go work out. You'll nail it.


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Weigh In: 271.0
Five Day Average: 272.05
Weight Lost This Week: 4.83 pounds

Almost five pounds in a week. That's crazy to me, but I am proud of it. Sometimes you get weight loss as a fluke - something that just happens. I haven't had one of those times in a long, long time, but I've had them. This wasn't one of those. This is a result of hard work and being stellar at the dining room table. Not a single 'bad meal' or cheat all week.

I'm on the cusp of 270, and I can feel it. Today I went to the gym in the morning as usual, but after work, I just had this urge - it was like this craving - to get to the gym again tonight. I'm not sure why, but I TORE IT UP in there tonight. A man possessed. I spent about 20 minutes destroying the upper body, 20 minutes blowing out the lower, about 15 working on the core, and then when I thought I couldn't walk anymore and was pouring sweat, I jumped on the Elliptical and cranked out a half hour's worth.

I did what I have to do. Billy said that "if I didn't get into the 260s before the New Year" that he'd stop reading my blog. I know he doesn't mean that - he's addicted to Tuck - but it's nothing I've got to worry about. I'll see 260's THIS week. I'll see 265 before the end of this month.

Also, just wanted to say something about the Michigan FAT Coalition meeting last night. It was something special to meet and hang out with everyone. It's funny how that works - we got to Applebees at 2:30 and didn't leave until after 5 - and there wasn't a moment of that "awkward silence". Everyone was really cool, and I left the restaurant even MORE motivated to do well.

Here's a picture of the five of us. Click on it to make it larger.



Kevin said something on the Fat Forum that really hit home. In this picture, nobody is fat.

We couldn't have said that a year ago.

I'm proud of what this "Fat Coalition" represents. I titled the forum "Fat Coaliton - Where Friends Are Found and Weight Is Lost". That's what it's all about. It's not a list of strangers who just happen to want to lose weight. The way I view this group, I see you guys as my friends. The people I can trust with my thoughts and insecurities because I know you've been there, and I don't feel vulnerable talking to you guys.

You folks have saved my life in the most literal of terms.

So, to the FATties that have been here for a while, I think you know what I mean. To the newer members, here's to hoping you gain the same experiences that I have in this whole process.

Cheers.

PS: If you're in "Tuck's Big December Challenge", make sure to hit the forums and post your December 10th weigh in!


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Yesterday's Weigh In: 272.0
Today's Weigh In: 271.25
Five Day Average: 272.65

My scale bounced back and forth between 271 and 271.5 today, so I took the average.

Today's a big day for me. First off, the Michigan (and Colorado) representatives of the Coalition are meeting at Applebees for lunch today. Kevin and Beck have made their way into town, and Melissa and Grant, Kristen and Vince (?) and Erin and myself are going to meet up before Kevin and Beck make their way to the Pistons game. That's pretty cool.

Also, I saw the 271.25 on the scale today - which is almost a "new low" for me - something I haven't been able to post in a long, long time. My five day average has dropped from over 276 just since Monday.

I am doing what I can to break a cycle that I've been stuck in for literally 4-5 months. I get down to ALMOST 270, and then I feel comfortable with where I am, and then I completely blow it with a stupid eating decision that pushes me back up to where I started. Last night had potential for that trap - Erin and I went to go see Lion King (amazing production, go see it if you get the chance) and we went to Sweet Lorraine's for dinner beforehand. Lorraine's is a pretty fancy - not too much - restaurant with FANTASTIC food.

The problem is, most of it isn't great for you. I found a great meal though - chicken kebabs with green salad, topped with red bell pepper hummus as the dressing. We shared an eggnog cheesecake dessert (Erin's favorite), and I had 3 TINY forks full - where you barely use the tip of the fork, and when I went for the fourth bite Erin looked at me. I ignored her look, and went for the fourth bite - to which she grabbed my fork and took it from me. I love that woman.

So this week is really important to me, and getting to meet up with some of the Coalition is going to give me a bit of a boost. By this time next week, I could potentially have a 5-day average that is in the 260's, a goal that has eluded me for months.

All it takes is a bit of dedication.


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