samismilexx's Journal

Day 251
Nov 30 2009 19:09

I upped my goal date and lowered my calories...

I think the date was too far out. I now want to be 145lbs by June 6th... which CC says is the soonest I could do this the healthy way. So... that's my new goal... and my boyfriend isn't going to like it... Not at all...

It's not that he wants me to be fat or something... he just doesn't want me to NOT EAT when I'm hungry... dieting means starvation to him. It's neat...

Anyway... Let's see if I can do this damn thing.

Day 249
Nov 25 2009 12:39

So I'm not down much... which sucks... hardcore... but oh well... Just gotta keep trying, right?

It's harder this time around because my boyfriend believes in butter, not diet food... so I've been having to try and portion high calorie food to be acceptable, but it's hard... After the new year I will be making him stop this delicious gourmet kick he's on, but until I'll just have to keep trying... it's holidays and all.

Today I have to go have lunch with my dad... which is fine... I found a salad on the menu that is low cal (440) and I always have tea... I just... I don't wanna go. He upsets me and when I'm upset I binge eat... Or worse, I become bulimic for a day. It's not healthy...Oh well... the bf will keep an eye on me later... As he does.

Anyway... I'm really, really, really hoping to lose weight by my next entry...

Day 244
Nov 20 2009 12:40

Obviously, I have not been attacking this dieting concept aggressively, recently. I was actually up to 203 earlier this month, which I was not happy about... I blame my boyfriend. If his meals were not so delicious and butter-based I would not have wanted to shovel as much as humanly possible into my oral cavity. However, I have him portioning, now. As a result I've come back down to 198.8 and while that's above my lowest, it's a start.

My goal, since I missed this year's goal, is to be 145 by my birthday next year. That's... 53.8 lbs in a little over 11 months. Which is totally doable, of course. I just have to watch my caloric intake... and make my calorie sheets again and my weight calendar and become all obsessive again. I know what to do, and how to do it, I just need to stick to it this time (not that I really did BADLY last year).

I'm not sure how my boyfriend will feel about it. He likes me how I am, but I think once I start losing the weight and looking even better (because voluptuous is attractive too ladies) that he'll be fine with it. It's nice to know that he loves me no matter what I weigh, though, because should I blow up like an emergency raft I don't want to be single for it, ya know?

So anyway, here I am today... 198.8 and trying to get serious.

Day 177
Sep 14 2009 12:07

Wow... I had to figure out what day I was on... it was hard...

So I took 103 days off of the site... on my own I managed to skim 189 lbs and maintain myself at 190 for a while. I stopped weighing everyday, because that will drive one to anorexia, in my opinion. When I hopped on the scale this morning I liked to have died, though.

7 lbs had crept on somehow... I didn't really notice it because all my new thinner clothes fit fine. The jeans and pants and things all fit well, and getting looser. I'm sure it's some freak water weight or muscle mass growth, but it still bugs me, you know?

So here I am, back on track.

I'm not going to reach goal by the goal date... I just can't see me dropping almost 40 lbs by then. It's not in my cards. At this point I need to start figuring out maintenance. My birthday is Halloween, and then we have Thanksgiving in Novemeber, Christmas in December, New Year's in January and Valentine's Day in February. The next five months are hell... though I did some of my best losing Jan-Mar of this year, so that's neat, at least.

In general, I've learned some great portioning rules for when eating around people (and delicious food). I have PGX to fill me up, and have also acquired ECA stacks to help when I go over a little... (Yes, I'm aware they aren't the best for me, but greatness requires sacrifice and I smoke a lot anyway.)

Well... I'm back... Wish me luck, yo.

Day 74
Mar 21 2009 08:51

Well... This morning I was 201.4 and I was very excited about it. I love when that scale shows weight loss, even if it's 0.2 lbs, that's still weight loss. Everyone at work has noticed, and I've actually motivated a good number of people to diet as well. I would love to say that it's because I show such conviction and that my progress has showed them just how easy it can be to work toward an ideal weight, but it's not. The car biz is all about show. The fat girl, who has always been the fat girl cannot surpass and show up the skinny girls, especially the skinny older women. Sad isn't it? The thing is that these chicks aren't great at losing, they're great at maintaining, so they've had some real disasters. I've tried to help, offering them my diet diary printout and whatnot, but they just don't want my help.

Well, I'm 33.6 pounds lighter than when I started in January, and I'm extremely happy with myself. I feel better, I look better, and I have more stamina to walk around a lot. That's become my new nighttime hobby: walking around. I love walking 16th St Mall at night. It can be a little scary, with all the hobos and whatnot, but in general it's just fun. The homeless really leave me alone for the most part. I've also been trying to teach myself to skateboard, to no real avail except hurting my back (from NOT falling). I take the dogs to the park and I can run around with them more than before, and I've gotten to the point I know about the caloric count of most foods just off the top of my head, which means less recording for me.

I still have bad days, of course. I don't think there's a dieter out there that hasn't had a bad day. Those days my measuring units become retarded though. I found myself wanting a "HAMMOCK OF CHIPOTLE BURRITOS" the other day. Hahahaha. A hammock of them. I'm not sure how many that even adds up to. I didn't deprive myself of my precious Chipotle, because since I've lost all that weight I eat far less.

When I do eat a lot, which sometimes happens (especially when I don't take my multivitamin) I try my best to binge on lettuce and celery. I've found that some lemon juice and pepper really make those two bland veggies super delicious (at least to me). So I'll have about a head of lettuce (yes, a head) and some of whatever I'm eating (like a Lean Pocket) and I'm full! I also use PGX for that but sometimes I just want to eat and eat and eat regardless of whether I'm full, in which case the lettuce and celery are particularly helpful. They're also good for that "I'm eating because I'm bored" thing that I do. ^_^

Anyways. I just thought I would check in, since I hadn't in a while. I'm excited to buy new shoes when I get below 200. ^_^ YAY!

Day 52
Feb 27 2009 09:31

Plateau... Really irritating me... Grrr...

-shrug- I'll make it break... somehow... though I've tried everything, upping calories, mini-binges, everything... I'll figure it out... Grr...

Day 29
Feb 04 2009 14:29

Day 29...

Well... I'm not sure what to say about today... I'm hungry. I'm always hungry these days...

I'm down 14.4 lbs or so though... So that's nice... Even if I'm hungry...

Dum dum dum...

Day 24
Jan 30 2009 13:15

Hello again.

This morning I was down 2lbs from yesterday. Strange? I thought so, but I'm not complaining. That makes 13lbs in 24 days. The excitement. I dunno why it's dropping so fast. It might be luck, which I hope doesn't run out, or it might be awesome... I'm going with awesome. Lol

In general, I feel good. I've lost 2 inches off my waist, which makes it better, and the dropping weight is just making my life. I do miss Chipotle, though... Le sigh.

Day 22
Jan 28 2009 08:07

I was looking at pictures from my New Year's party last night. Looking at pictures always bothers me because no matter what picture it is, I never see myself like I am in the pictures. The pictures always show this fat girl and, while I know I'm a big girl, that's not what I see in the mirror. When I look in a mirror I see someone who could lose a few, but not the bloated thing that shows up in pictures. I never feel that big until I see pictures other people take. I always take a few of myself with my phone, of the face, to update avatars and whatnot, but I guess I'm just good photographing myself.

It's just really annoying to see two completely different people, you know? I know that body dysmorphic disorder makes people see awful things in the mirror and pictures, but what is it when you only see awful in photographs?

Day 18 - 1/7th of the Way
Jan 24 2009 12:24

Lost 10 lbs... technically that happened yesterday, but I didn't write about it. I'm not 225 lbs in 17 days. Okay, technically it's 5 lbs because of that whole scale fiasco, but I like thinking it's 10, because that's a milestone. When I hit 20 it'll be really cool and I'll celebrate with something... Like a new outfit.

Yesterday all I wanted to do was eat... I was so stressed out because of work and it made me want to cry... well I don't cry, so normally I would eat. Instead I went home and went to bed instead of even making dinner. I just knew that as soon as I put something in my mouth I'd put it all in my mouth. I wasn't actually hungry for dinner anyway, so it was fairly okay.

Today for Saturday lunch at the dealership we have Tokyo Joe's. I really like TJ's. It's really tasty. I got a chicken bowl, no sauce. Ate the veggies first, the chicken second and a little rice. I felt full and capped off the rest of the rice. I'll munch on it later if I get hungry, I guess... I really want celery, though...

I guess that means I'll be running by the grocery store tonight. I can make veggie fried rice. That would be good and not real bad for me. I have a great recipe for it. I love recipes, by the way. I love cooking. I just so rarely have the time.