saroful's Journal

So here we go.  I have an exercise ball.  Yes, I had one before, but i didn't know how to use it.  and it was small.  this one is huge.  it is taller than my old chair at the computer.  it frightens the dog.

this thing is intimidating.  I put it in the living room. I tried to "dribble" it to get it there, but it's so big it almost has no space to get from my hand to the ground.  it's like a 4-inch dribble.  So i sat on it, i rolled on it, and i did weird rolly-ball pushups.  felt very badass.

so did i mention this thing stinks? I was xpecting that pleasant new-toy smell. no.  this smells like a my little pony dissolving slowly in toluene, uttering little pink screams and finally giving us a hoofs-up reminiscent of terminator 2 as it sinks into the chemical ooze.  and now my butt is starting to smell like a dying pony, too.  my shorts. even my underwear, i bet, although if i sniff-test my underwear, you are NOT going to be the first ones to know about it.

which brings us to the "how do i use this thing?" rant.  There is a dvd included.  so i could watch it on my computer, but i couldn't play along.  couldn't, for lack of a better term, follow the bouncing ball. cause my whole assembly is sort of crammed into a corner.  i guess i'd need a tv. that's not going to happen.

it hurts my butt less than the chair does, though.  this is a plus.  i'm not sure if i have better posture.  does it still count as working your core if the ball is jammed against a wall and a galaga machine? i suspect not.  also, i'm slouching.  i don't look in the slightest like the perky bitch on the cover of the box.  i bet even her perfect posture has perfect posture.

this ball is so big it doesn't even go "boing" when yo utouch it, that little bell-tone noise that handballs used to have, that "spang" sort of thing... no, it goes bloooong.  spuuung. big noises.

speaking of noise- the little half-ass foot pump that came with it is terrible.  teh tube is like the bendy part of a flexi-straw, so every time air moves through it, it whistles like two piccolos trying to tune. and there is practically no seal.  i am inflating half a cubic yard of air with a foot pump 3" in diameter and 5" high at its most accordioned-out configuration.  oh, and did i mention the tube is not fitted tightly to either end? so every now and then (like, every 10 seconds or so) one end comes loose.  THEN the noise goes from "tuning piccolos" to "cartoon elephant that just saw a mouse."  it's a bellowing scream, that you have to get VERY close to and try to put the air back in the ball as it rushes out.  eventually, it required two people.  also the tube is NOT long enough to reach from the top of the ball to the ground around the circumference of the ball at anything more than 3/4 inflation.  so you have to put the ball on its side and hold the tube into the little spot on the ball, NOT leaning on the ball or lettting the ball roll at all, and hold the tube on the pump, and pump.  There's also this little measurement strap that goes around the ball.  now, it beats hell out of measuring the height of your ball on the wall like the last ball i bouhgt, but the damn thing will not stay put.  i think this is really a 3-person job.  it can be accomplished by 2, but only if an interested (but terrified) greyhound isn't "helping."

but i feel like a little kid with a hopalong.  i want a handle, and i want to hop this thing down the block.  who says grownups don't get cool toys?

make the smell stop. please.