se1289's Journal

So its Sunday...2pm and I'm watching Law and Order SVU at my friends house.  If you wanna know why I'm at my friends house..its becaues I cant be at my house because I'm SUPPOSE to be at work from 2-6. I havnt told my mom or my boyfriend yet that i have quit. I dont want to tell my boyfriend because I dont want him to think I'm a quitter, and I dont want to tell my mom because she will just start crap.

I have a second job that earns me $150 a week and I think that is effiecient since the only bills I have are my cell and utilities for me and my boyfriends house. AND I have money saved. Going to school full time, making strait A's and keeping my 4.0 like everyone expectgs me to do..and working two jobs was just too hard. I wasnt enjoying the job I quit so thats why I decided to quit it. Now I have weekends free..YAY!!

I hate lying to my boyfriend. I feel so guilty. Even my dreams show it...cuz I got arrested in my dreams last night. I need to tell him I just dont want him to think down on me. But I KNOW he would understand because he even thought two jobs and school was hard. I guess I will tell him soon.

My dreams have been really crazy lately. In the past week I have killed a baby, been arrested, cheated on my b/f, and was married to this guy I know. I always have crazy dreams but they have been super crazy lately. I'm a vivid dreamer.

SO there are some things I've been wanting to work on with myself.I"m getting better but I know I need more work!

1. Stop lying so much..just be truthful

2. Dont come off so strong..

3. Read my bible every night. I did good for a few days but I just started letting it go

4. Going to church now that I'm off on sundays

I've conqured some things...like I dont steal anymore, I dont disrespect my mother anymore.. I have been doing good with the working out and eating correctly...so I guess this isthe last I have to worry about.

I always have alot of things on my mind, including trying to make myself better, money, and what I need to do. I think if I write it all down, it wont be in my head, I wont be so stressed, and the crazy dreams will go away.That will be another journal entry..but a private one of cource. Yall cant know TOO much!

If you read all this..thanks! Back to Law and Order SVU and homework on this wonderful saturday afternoon!

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I've never been good at keeping a journal or a diary. I would open my dairy and it would be over a month since my last entry. I really think keeping a diary/journal would be good though. Since I hate HATE HATEE writing I guess I will stick with this calorie count thing.

 

Well its been almost a year since I lost my 50 pounds and sure enough, I gained 20 of them back. I really want to lose them again. Eating right seems to be the biggest challenge. I can work out no problem. I love being in the gym. But not for the life of me can I eat healthy.

 

I started off my day healthy, a nice bowl of cereal.... for lunch I had a turkey sandwich with pickels and some pinapples... then BAM..went over to my friends house and he had pizza and my fat ass had to eat some. GRR GRR GRRRRR

I try and try and I keep failing. I really just need to start resisting. I figure little lifestyles changes at a time. Thats how i did it the first time.

I've gotten better about the not eating at night, but I still need to work on it. Thats an immediate goal

No fast food has been going GREAT. Not only do I not get all the calories, I save money.

Now i just need to work on making better food choices.

 

I'm going to start this again. And I'm going to lose the weight, AGAIN. I  will post pictures of my body soon. I'm not FAT by ANY MEANS. But I am 2 pounds away from being over weight :(. Lets do this Katie!!!

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Well..lately..for the past months..I have had this unsettling feeling in my mind. This restless feeling like i need to do something..or i need to figure something out..or i need to...SOMETHING. IT wont go away. Its there, and its killing me. It mostly comes when I'm thinking. I was just working out, and the feeling came again. Sometimes I Think its "Hey i need to study"..because i am a nerd like that. But deep down I know its something else. I have this hope that if i create a list of things i Need to do everyday and do all of them..maybe my mind wont be unsettled because I will have done everything. THat could be part of it..hmm. But honestly, and this may sound wierd..I think its God. I think I am not right with God. I KNOW I am not right with God. I love God, I belive Jesus is my savior, and I am 340004% sure if someone held a gun to my head and asked if I believed in God i would say yes. The reason I THINK part of it is me not being right with God is because I think He has sent a sign. I moved into my friends apartment a few months ago and there is this man who walks around, almost everyday, for 3 hours praying, or saying praise God, or singing gospel. I really want to talk to him. I really want to ask him some questions but I get nervous. Maybe its time I do that. I think i'm going to head to church today and do some praying..maybe this unsettling feeling will go away. But I'm also going to make that list because I think that may be part of it. I"m going to put the list up here though just in case I lose my written list...which is known to happen.

Maslow's hearchy of needs states that the final need is a sense of self knowing. If you dont self know then you get a restless feeling. I Think i have reached all of my needs execept this one. I cant wait until I do..

 

THE LIST

• Study self assigned study sections
• Read three chapters of the bible
• Pray for forgiveness
• Dont purposefully sin
• Workout on assigned days (mon, tue, wed, Fri, Sat)
• Eat right..no more junk food or fast food
• No more lying
• Go to church at least once a week
• Try to stop popping bones
• Drink water ...goal: 8 glasses a day
• Be positive, no more talking about how I am fat...losing weight takes time, I know this
• Dont worry about stuff too much (I've been doing great at this lately but I Could do better)
• Dont sleep past 10
• Have a good visit with my mom at least once a week
• Save at least 50 dollars a week
• Put my tan lotion on every day (vain huh? lol)

Time to go see if the church is open today..

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I have never been too organized of a person. I could never keep a diary, keep my room cleaned for too long, or keep everything in a notebook for too long..or remember to do something every day. Hopefully this journal will help me keep up with everything. Its not just about weight loss, its about a overall better me.

EATING

Between April of 2006 and June of 2007 I lost fifty pounds by counting calories and exersising. Counting calories has become a habit that I dont mind and I can usually think of the calories of something I'm eating without even looking it up because ..well..i'm a loser, lol. Since june of 2007 I have gained back 10 pounds. Now some people may think "Hey..thats not too bad"..but I"m gaining it back because of my poor eating habits, which will eventually turn that 10 pounds back into 50. I have been eating ice cream everynight and fast food everyday since I've been rooming with my "eat anything skinny as a stick" male roomate. I know that I cant eat like that and hopefully through this journal I can balance my eating so I can eat an occasional icecream but not go overboard. Going overboard IS my problem. I eat one thing, one thing turns into 2 things, 2 things turn into about 5 snacks..and mostly at night...which is BAD. So with eating i have a few goals

1. After supper do not eat again. If I am hungary I will only eat ONE snack, but a healthy one. No more bingening at night

2. Learn to balance an occasional treat in and still eat healthy

3. Eat a balanced meal so I lose fat as well as weight.

 

EXERCISING

My exercise habits are pretty good. I might skip a day or two just because I am getting board of the exercise.which is my main problem. I usually do the same things... thirty minutes on the elliptical or treadmill or bike and weights. My goal is to change up my exercises every once in awhile so i wont be bored with them. Hopefully with my new "Wii fit" I can add in some yoga and new strength training exercises to spice things up. I will pose a new variety exercise later once I work it out. So my goal for exercising is:

1. Have a variety of efficient exercises as to not get bored and skip days or not work as hard at them.

 

MISC

So I am a person of bad habits and its hard for me to keep with new things to try to make them a habit. Some of the things include studying what I'm suppose to study everyday (I do make strait A's though in college so i cant complain too much), putting on lotion everyday (seems silly but important), cleaning my room everyday (man it can get messy), hanging up my clothes after washing ( thats usually what makes my room dirty ), and maybe some other things I will think of later. So some goals are

1. Wash clothes once a week and hang them up

2. Put lotion on after a shower everyday

3. Study my self-assigned pages everyday

4. Clean my room before I leave the house

5. Charge my phone when I sleep (yea..just thought of that, lol)

6. No more calling my mom (If you knew the situation between us it would make since...basically since I date a black guy whenever I call her it ends in her saying something like "Why do you want to know/do you want it/it only matters BECAUSE your a nasty slut doing it for your nigger.....yea she's racist, lol)

 

MY DAY

Also, i hope to keep this as a journal to log my emotions, feelings, attitudes, daily activities, and other stuff just because I think it will help me some how in the long run. I Suppose I will add it in at the end of the day, or the beginning if i have exciting news, or the middle if something happens.

So far today I have a job interview at 9 oclock am for Wal-mart. I hope they offer me a Stocker position. If they dont I will most likly not take the job. Even if they do offer me the stocker position I will have to think long and hard about it. It would mean leaving my job at Subway, which I have been at for two years, and earning the trust in the new job. Subway is a guarenteed job, good pay, and friends. Its an easy job and a slow job. I do get bored sometimes because it is so slow, and I do get frustruated with it sometimes because it CAN get VERY busy when your trying to do other stuff work-related, but its a comfortable place to be. I dont make the money I want to make at subway though because not a lot of hours are given. Usually i'm assigned 20 hours a week but can get a few more if I work other peoples shifts. I would like to work 25 to 30..maybe 40 STEADILY if I can..and I Think walmart will offer me that. My boyfriend used to work there and he said they work the hell out of you ,lol. I love him.

I also have work from 11-8. I'm SO not looking foward to that. Its a double shift. It means as well as working the dreaded 11-2 lunch shift..i work midshift which means I have to cut vegtables, stock chips, stock drinks, and do somee other stuff. UGHHHH. I will be working with one of my friends who just started back working there though so that will be cool. Hopefully its not busy so we can both get our work done and then chill.

Well its about time for me to go get dressed. My clothes for the interview are in the dryer. I wasnt sure exactly what to wear. I didnt want to dress TOO nice because it is only WALMART!!!! But i didnt want to look like a bum. Have you seen the people who work at walmart though? They probably went in their interview with some street clothes on. Ghetto ass sunsofbitches in Montgomery, lol.

 

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Mondays/Thursdays
Chest, back, and rear delts
Incline dumbell presses -  sets of 8-12
DUmbbell rows- 10 sets of 10 reps
DUmbell flyes- 2 sets of 10 reps
Bent over lateral raises- 3 sets of 15

Tuesdays/fridays
Shoulders, arms, and abs
DUmbell shoulder presses- 3 sets of 10 reps
DUmbell upright rows 4 sets of 10 reps
DUmbell curls- 8 sets pf 10 reps
DUmbell overhead tricept extensions- 8 sets of 10 reps

Wednesdas/saturdays
Quads, hams, and calves
Dumbell squats -  sets of 8-12 reps
dumbell lunges- 4 sets of 8-12 reps
DUmbell stiff legged deadlifts-  sets of 12 reps
DUmbell calf raises- 7 sets of 20-40 reps

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