se1289's Journal

Restless
Mar 02 2009 13:30

Well..lately..for the past months..I have had this unsettling feeling in my mind. This restless feeling like i need to do something..or i need to figure something out..or i need to...SOMETHING. IT wont go away. Its there, and its killing me. It mostly comes when I'm thinking. I was just working out, and the feeling came again. Sometimes I Think its "Hey i need to study"..because i am a nerd like that. But deep down I know its something else. I have this hope that if i create a list of things i Need to do everyday and do all of them..maybe my mind wont be unsettled because I will have done everything. THat could be part of it..hmm. But honestly, and this may sound wierd..I think its God. I think I am not right with God. I KNOW I am not right with God. I love God, I belive Jesus is my savior, and I am 340004% sure if someone held a gun to my head and asked if I believed in God i would say yes. The reason I THINK part of it is me not being right with God is because I think He has sent a sign. I moved into my friends apartment a few months ago and there is this man who walks around, almost everyday, for 3 hours praying, or saying praise God, or singing gospel. I really want to talk to him. I really want to ask him some questions but I get nervous. Maybe its time I do that. I think i'm going to head to church today and do some praying..maybe this unsettling feeling will go away. But I'm also going to make that list because I think that may be part of it. I"m going to put the list up here though just in case I lose my written list...which is known to happen.

Maslow's hearchy of needs states that the final need is a sense of self knowing. If you dont self know then you get a restless feeling. I Think i have reached all of my needs execept this one. I cant wait until I do..

THE LIST

• Study self assigned study sections
• Read three chapters of the bible
• Pray for forgiveness
• Dont purposefully sin
• Workout on assigned days (mon, tue, wed, Fri, Sat)
• Eat right..no more junk food or fast food
• No more lying
• Go to church at least once a week
• Try to stop popping bones
• Drink water ...goal: 8 glasses a day
• Be positive, no more talking about how I am fat...losing weight takes time, I know this
• Dont worry about stuff too much (I've been doing great at this lately but I Could do better)
• Dont sleep past 10
• Have a good visit with my mom at least once a week
• Save at least 50 dollars a week
• Put my tan lotion on every day (vain huh? lol)

Time to go see if the church is open today..