seamstresslulu's Journal

Still No Gym
Nov 10 2009 18:23

I didn' t make it to the gym again today either. Which I feel bad about because I got up on time but my ipod battery was low and I cannot exercise without music. Also I stayed up until 3 am surfing the internet on the damn thing. Eh!

There is another problem, my alarm clock apparently wakes up my roomate. She was diplomatic about it but I could tell she was pissed that she had to wake up and ask me to turn it off so I am going to swing by Wal-Mart and pick up one of those ipod docking radios depending on the price.  It will allow me to charge the ipod at night since I no longer have regular access to a computer. Also I have an alarm clock on my phone and my ipod that I will make use of. I stayed awake from around 5:30 for another few hours so I know getting up is not the problem.

The other thing I need to do is just suck it up and make sure that I am in bed by 11p.m no matter what is on TV. That's something tha talways gets me. I'll plan to be in bed by 11 but there's something I want to watch or feel I just can't miss and so I overshoot my bedtime which means I wake up late.

When my day doesn't go the way I want it or I miss something important like going to the gym then I feel like chucking everything out the window - studying, eating healthy the gym. Its like I punish myself for failing in one area by failing in everything. As though if I don't get everything right then I don't deserve anything at all.

I think also there is a part of me that deeply resents not being able to do whatever the heck I want. Anyway I know I can do five days in a row at the gym. I'll do four in a row, rest on Sunday and start back up again on Monday. I've already lost one pound somehow so I only have another to drop. There are so many things I have to do before Monday.

I need to:

• Get my hair redone
• Manicure and pedicure
• Buy some work shoes
• Get stockings

I'm also meeting my old work mates for lunch and happy hour on Friday so I want to look really amazing for that. Hey I've lost 15lbs and some inches since I saw them last. It will have been three months that's about 5lbs a month. I've done a lot of work since then.

I guess I'm worried because today is the third day I've missed the gym. Sometimes I tend to drop things for a while before I finish them and sometimes they never get picked up and that's what I'm worried about. I really want to make a habit out of getting up to go to the gym five times a week. I'm also upset with myself for forgetting yet again that sleeping somuch aggravates my depression and means that I must skip my meds otherwise if I take them at midday then I will have trouble sleeping and I've been doing that since Sunday and I'm starting to feel the lack.

Other good news is that I have finally ordered the front doors and I can install them myself will a reversible drill bit which I will have to borrow from Home Depot. I plan to pay for my classes at the end of this month and replace the kitchen light by then. I want to start really upgrading the look of this place. I also need a desk so I can study in my room and storage space for my sewing things.

I'll get there.