shakti411's Journal

Great to read my past journal entries!
Nov 06 2009 11:16

Okay, I haven't written anything since July. I read the last few posts. I see a progression from feeling like s**t to feeling good and having bliss states occur momentarily, too.

Lately, I've been feeling pretty awful again. Bad attitude. Depressed. Hopeless. I went on my trip down the Amazon River at the end of August/first week of Sept. That was as fabulous as life gets! I ate a lot of wonderful gourmet, but healthy food on the trip and didn't gain anything! It was probably because of the heat--we sweated it all off. But since I've returned, I can't seem to get 100% raw again. I felt cabin fever real bad after returning to my little greyish, windowless office and apt that looks out on the driveway and garage. It will be years before I can afford to travel again. Being poor totally sucks!!

I'm pretty close to being raw again, though. Lately I've been eating 1 cooked or conventional item each day, like an egg, or chana masala. And I'm drinking a bit of coffee every other day. I stopped exercising for a few weeks, too. My skin has been terrible--rosacea, pityriasis, acne, etc. My hair is falling out REAL BAD! I'm noticing a big difference in my hair. That's depressing. However, my nails are as strong as they have ever been in my life. Go figure.

So I WAS feeling better on the raw diet. The conversation in my head is that it didn't give me more energy. Well I probably combine things very badly at night when I'm home alone all the time. Also, since I am alone, I can't eat everything up soon enough and probably the majority of food I'm getting is past its prime.

However, I'm making another attempt. I just watched "Food, Inc." on dvd. It was horrifying! I knew the food industry is really, really bad, but somehow seeing it firsthand drives it home. I don't want to eat animal products anymore unless they truly are grass-fed, free range, organic, etc. I'm even wondering what to do about Thxgiving now because I don't want to eat animal products.

So three days this week I've done my abdominal workout. I've done one sun salutation twice this week. I'm drinking more green smoothies. I spend my life now just trying to manage, cope, get myself to comply. Sigh.