shoeofkuribo's Friends

So you know how I swore off clothes shopping for a whole year? Like last week? Well, that sure didn't last long. I am back on the horse as of right now, though!

I was thrown into a Festivis panic. No time for searching second hand or ebay, no time to sew, no time for anything but a frenzied lunch-break trip to the mall. I really did try hard to make something from my wardrobe work, but I seriously have nothing right...my red party dress is too xmas-party, I have plenty of cool urban chic but nothing fancy enough...like not one thing I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing to work, and that just won't do. The hostess is wearing a vintage velvet gown she had altered to cocktail-length just for this party, I can't show up in work-appropriate clothes no matter how cool they are. I'd have grievances aired against me for sure.

So....Le Chateau to the rescue. I looked elsewhere but no luck. I heart Le Chateau! I know they get a bad rap for being way too expensive for the sub-par quality of their clothes, but honestly they have come through for me on many occasions now. Their sizing goes up to XXL or 15/16, which is perfect for me, and most other places don't so it's a bit of a crap shoot. Anyway I found a gorgeous top; I don't know how to describe it, it's very 1940's movie star having a cocktail party. It's a dark shimmery burgundy/black, taffeta I think, 3/4 sleeves, square shoulders and a collar but a cross-over top instead of button-down...kinda gathery around the torso (oh so good for hiding bulges) and fitted over the hips, which means on me it's SUPER tight but still works, and has a little side zip at one side near the bottom if I want to open it, and then has a wide long belt in the same fabric for tying in a bow at the waist or to the side. If I wear it with a long straight skirt, it will be 1940's diva...if I wear it with the skirt I also bought (heh), a knee-length grey flared dealie, and maybe my knee-high boots, it will look more modern. Or I could wear it with black pants and heels. I am really happy with it...and RELIEVED. I was so worried. So...that's done. Back to the vow. I'll consider it my xmas present to myself.

Yay for Friday! Have a great weekend, everyone....wish me luck at Festivus Feats of Strength!

I did the dunk test on the over-crisp biscotti, they were totally fine, pretty much the same as the other ones really. So everybody got coated in chocolate, plus I did a new batch of double-chocolate-almond, and then packed them all up snug in their tins. Each cookie worked out to about 80 calories. Cool! I packed them into my backpack and hauled them into work this morning, and made up pretty little notes to go with each one. As we speak, they are being packaged and adressed to head out in the mail by our admin assistant...feels weird not doing that stuff myself, I am not used to having an assistant avaialble! But she'd offered so I figured may as well. I was reluctant to leave them though - all my biscotti babies going off into the world lol. If you'd like the recipe, click on my Yummyland link on my profile page...they turned out really nice.

I ended up having to go to the bike shop for my headlight yesterday, as I could NOT get the stupid thing open. Well. The bike guy had a heck of a time with it too, and he's a bike mechanic! It was all crudded up, the quick-release buttons were all jammed, and when he took it all apart and put the new batteries in that way, the light still didn't work. I suspect he was doing something wrong...the batteries definately died as they did the slow brown-out first. Joel can fix it I am sure, he did it last time - and he thinks he's not handy, ha. Anyway I bought a new headlight, an LED light so it's much brighter, battery lasts longer, and no slow fade as the batteries wear down. And it's not all jammed up so I should be able to change the batteries myself when need be. I also got a red tail light, as I didn't have one before. These new lights both have three settings - bright, eye-scorching, and seizure-inducing flashing. Heh. No one will ever miss me now, and I can actually see the road much better. I feel so shiny! Yay!

I spent about an hour going through my closet last night, trying on outfits, trying to peice something together for Festivus. How can I have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear for a party?? I wish I'd waited to swear off shopping until after this. I am strongly considering breaking my vow after work today....the party is just two days away and I don't want to be panicking on the day of!

Has a pretty good calorie day yesterday, but with over 6000 mg of sodium the scale was NOT nice this morning. Heh. Scaling back on the sodium today....

Yesterday was quite the gong show. After work I had some errands to do, the last of which was Walmart. It's super-cold out these days....like -5C, with another 5 or 10 lower from the windchill that biking creates....it was chilly. AND my headlight battery died, thus the trip to Walmart for batteries. Anyway, they are doing all this construction around the Walmart and I got re-routed out of the parking lot a different way and I got all disoriented and got LOST. This Walmart is super-close to my house, I've been there 100 times. But I have a really bad sense of direction...this could only happen to me. There I was, wandering around around in the freeezing cold and dark, so close to home but unable to get there. Getting lost on a bike is not like getting lost in a car. In a car, you just meander around until you get there, no biggie. On a bike, you are subjected to the elements, not to mention uphills that I know are not on my usual route....I ended up on the highway heading towards the ferries, did an about-face at that point and rode the sidewalks illegally right past the police station because I was concerned cars could not se me with no headlight. I was almost in tears....frozen, miserable, freaked out, frustrated...finally got myself back on track and rode past the freakin Walmart on my way back home lol. LAME. And want to know something even lamer? I don't know how to change the batteries in my headlight. It involves a screwdriver so I usually just wait for Joel to take care of it, but I really need light for the ride home, it's SO dark after work these days. So I brought a screwdriver....if I can't figure it out in the garage, I wil have to ride to the bike shop to ask for help and let them laugh at the lame-o girl. Sigh. I was just there yesterday getting my tires filled with air, so they already think I am pretty helpless lol...they told me to come by every week to top them up, so at least I know they don't mind. And they gave me free ear-warmers, toasty!

Then later last night I made a double batch of biscotti for Project Biscotti and fell asleep during the second bake of one batch. So those ones are suuuuuper crisp. I am not sure if they can be salvaged (a chocolate coating makes everything good, right?) or if I should start over.....they are cranberry and pistachio, and pistachios are so expensive. I am unsure and wish I had a second opinion. I guess I will try dipping one in coffee tonight to see if it softens appropriately. I really wish Joel was here to fix my light and eat my cookies. Heh.

Still have not figured out an outfit for Festivus this weekend. Dammit Janet. I see some crying and carrying on in my future if I don't get that sorted ahead of time!

December 9, 2009. And nothing positive for my health still. I have so far journaled everything I've eaten today. I'm at around 900 calories right now. That seems like a lot, but I can have a sensible dinner tonight and keep it under 1500 for the day.

I'm mad at myself and jealous of others' progress. The only one who can change it is me. I know this. I've done it. I want to be a success story.

My gym membership has been up since October, but I think I may have talked my roomate into joining the Y with me this weekend (we get paid Friday). And even if she doesn't want to, I still want to.

My goal for the day is to drink another 32 oz. of water (at least) and journal dinner and any other snacks, staying under 1500 calories for the day.

Stayed over in Van until this morning and took the early ferry back, which means getting up at 5 AND staying at wrok late as I don't get in until nearly 10. It's gonna be a looooong day. Heck, a long week.

I went to SB to get a boost of caffeine, decided to try something new and got an espresso truffle with an extra shot, came back to the office and looked it up....300 freakin calories. They told me it was made with non-fat milk. Liars!!!! Or, if it is, that non-fat milk is mixed with ground up truffles or something. Yikes. The most annoying thing is, yes it's yummy, but it tastes pretty much exactly like the mocha I make at home for just 95 calories. Doh.

The weekend was nice, too short though. I went to the gym on Sat while J was at work, did 35 minutes on the elliptical for 550 cals, woo hoo! I am pretty sure I really am burning that much too, as my heart rate is between 160-170 nearly the whole time. A heart rate monitor would be nice though. Then to the weight room, did much the same as last week but it was a little easier and I am much less sore in the aftermath...still a bit sore but not dying. Sunday we went to my sister's place for dinner, I played with my nephew and he cried when I had to leave. Aw. He's just 3 but really tall and solid, like a little linebacker. I was picking him up and turning him upside-down and rolling him onto the floor, of course he wanted to do it over and over and I figured good exercise, but now my back is a bit sore lol....he really is getting too big for that. But what a cutie! He keeps mentioning the purple cement mixer. I can't wait to be the one to give one to him! He knows they don't make purple ones, but just likes the idea because he loves purple and loves cement mixers. So I am going to be the hero when I produce one...hopefully I can get paint that sticks!

As usual, calories were good during the week and bad on the weekend, though pretty good yesterday....I'll see what the scale says tomorrow morning. I am ok being on hold right now....I can get back into losing mode when I feel ready. But I need to keep a close eye on the scale to make sure I don't creep up. If I can keep it around 235, I figure i am doing alright. I look forward to breaking the 200 barrier, and feel a bit giddy about someday being in the 170s or 160s, maybe even 150. I like to watch x-weighted and saw a girl last week who went down to 150, looked about my height, and was pretty sold-looking, had good muscle-tone....and she was perfect as far as I am concerned, perfect. Kind of same body as cellophane star....which is really my ideal. I don't want to be wispy, heck I never could be, I am a big-boned solid Ukranian girl. I was thinking about it, about my vision of myself and what is realistic. I've always been quite strong, even as a teenager when I was thin, even when I don't work out, I am just blessed with strong muscles and a solid foundation. Like Joel, but the girl version. I want to embrace my shape and my strengths, and my strength is actually a strength I have hehe. I may never be the toned 150ish I think is perfect, I mean my tummy will likely never be visibly toned without surgical intervention and my thighs will always be huge (they were even when I was 9)....but I can be a version of that, as toned and strong as I can be, my ideal version of myself, if that makes sense. Rambling now, but those are the thoughts I have been sorting through lately, thinking about what a "healthy body" means to me and what do I really want to achieve and what is really within my grasp with some work. When I was a teenager, I was always wishing to be what I wasn't...uber-thin, skinny-thighed, small butt, flat stomach oh flat stomach above all else. There was a time I got down to about 135 lbs when I was 16, and I STILL didn't have the shape I wanted. I still hated myself, thought I was fat and disgusting. I can't believe it now. What did I see when I looked in the mirror? Clearly not the beautiful young girl with strong legs and lovely soft curves. I would kill to look like that girl. She was pretty silly though lol....I am glad I am much wiser now.

Just realized I am in week 100 of my plan. Wow. 100 weeks since I changed my life. That's a long time...coming up on my 2 year anniversary. I thought I'd be much further along by now, but at the same time never really believed I would be even as far as I am. So I feel both accomplished and a little depressed....but it should not matter how long it takes to reach my goal weight, it's the journey that counts.

Yay for Fridays! Yay for this one being here!!

I am in an especially good mood because I talked to Joel last night and he is not only going to come here next weekend so we can both go to the Festivus party, he is also going to bring his car. That means stocking up on heavy/ bulky grocery items, tp, kitty litter, maybe a little space heater for my freezingcold cubicle, the list goes on...AND he can bring over all the stuff i have accumulated at his place, like the sale chciken broth litres my sister bought for me, the large Calphalon frying pan I bought at the outlet, a big bag of quinoa from Costco, and more...so yeah it will be good. And maybe we can go for a drive to see all the pretty xmas lights...I am excited! A party AND a car next weekend!

In preparation for the Feats of Strength, I challenged my coworkers to arm wrestle lol.....I need some practice! I kicked M's ass, as I knew I would, but T. beat me on the right arm, not without a struggle though. And then I beat her at left, as I am left-handed. I hope they do left at the party. T looks quite strong and says she can beat some men at it.....so I think I did pretty good...in competition shape!

And I have decided to make biscotti to hand out as xmas presents to people at work. I work with a bunch of community corrections people on certain projects that I coordinate, and I really like the POs I work with...so I am going to make up a bunch of biscotti and send them through inter-office mail. Plus some for people in my office too. I chose that because it's a hardier kind of treat that will withstand the travel, not get stale quickly, and is low-fat. This project is rather ambitious though.....there are 9 offices and prisons to send to, and like 8 or 9 people that will be around the office next week. If I wait until the following week it will be a ghost town....so I might do that lol...anyway we'll see how much of that gets done. I'll call it Project Biscotti.

I head to the mainland at 3 today, just 4 more hours to go. Cold is almost all gone, weekend ahead and a great next weekend to plan, biscotti to make, cement mixer to paint purple, and sunshine in the forecast. Life is good!

On the road to recovery, yay! I ~almost~ biked to work today but in the end decided not to push my luck. I compromised and brought my gym shoes in case I want to walk home. I walked about halfway home yesterday before wearing out. I am feeling SO sedentary with all this laying about business. I hope to feel well enough to hit the gym on Saturday while Joel is at work. I have just over a week to cram in some muscle-building before Festivus! You see, next week my friend S. is having a Festivus party to which I am invited. That's right, I am going to ANOTHER party, look at me Miss Social Butterfly. Apparently Joel and I were such a huge hit at her last one that we now have made it onto The List, hehe. People like me, they really like me! Anyhoo I have been looking forward to Festivus since I was invited and it's almost here. I have been doing a lot of smack-talking about totally clobbering everyone in the Feats of Strength, aka arm wrestling. I know I can take down lots of the women there, they are all little frail girly -girls muah haha....but S. may pose a challenge, as she has been doing pee-pushups a lot longer than me (she's the one who gave me the idea). And I have no one to practice on...Joel is so far beyond me in strength that it's no contest at all, which is totally unfair since I am working at it and he does NOTHING. His legs look like runners' legs but he hasn't run since freakin high school. Funny. Anyway I don't think it would go over very well if I challenged my coworkers to arm wrestle, so I guess I will be going in cold. I am really excited about Festivus! The women (and some of the men!) in this crowd are real fashionistas though, I need a great outfit and since I have sworn off shopping for a whole year to pay my taxes (OMG), I have to find this fabulous outfit from my closet. Eeps. Also I said I would bring something, so am trying to come up with something that is a perfect balance of party-friendly, yummy, and shockingly low-cal considering how delicious it is. Sweet or savoury? What to make?? I dunno.

Today I did something silly. Well actually I did it on Monday and realized it today. When I went grocery shopping I bought some canned soup. What the heck was I thinking? It was on sale and looked good, it was a new line of Primo soups, I got Sicilian Meatball and Chicken Pomodoro. I brought half a can of the meatball one for lunch today. Ick. Well not exactly ick, more like ho hum. Nothing like MY soups, I can make something WAY tastier and preservative-free and better calorie bang per buck, so why did I buy them? Momentary lapse in judgement. I hate wasting food, but I am so not eating the rest. I refuse! Hopefully we'll have a food drive at work I can donate them to. Must remember: do NOT buy canned soup no matter how good it looks.

I asked my sisters to make me up a stocking for xmas, since my parents are already gone and they are the ones who usually make them up for us (yeah it's sad, I am 38 and still get a stocking, I didn't know it mattered but I realize now I really still WANT one). One said no problem, the other said it's too late because they leave soon too. So we'll see. This weekend will likely be the last time I see either of them before xmas. I could ask Joel, but I think it would just stress him out, presents kind of make him freak out a bit. He hates giving them, he hates receiving them even more. To him a perfect xmas would be present-free. And it's not because he's cheap, he buys me stuff all the time (though less so now that we are both trying to avoid bankrupcy), he just hates the pressure of trying to come up with the right gift and feeling inadequate for not spending enough money etc.

And speaking of gifts. Joel's roommate approached me again with the ipod plan. He was going to get J a new ipod for his b-day last July, I was a bit put out because A. it's an expensive gift that will make Joel feel bad and B. it would be replacing the ipod I got him last year that is still perfectly functional, just has smaller storage. Well he never got it, but wants to get it for xmas now, and asked me about it to make sure I wasn't getting that. Um no. I said bluntly "no it's much too expensive". But then I felt bad for making him uncomfortable and said "I've been thinking about getting him the Beatles box set, cuz I know he really wants it, but it's also pretty expensive so if I get anything that much it will be the box set". I really do want to get J the box set, but it's nearly $250. I can force that into my budget because I am not buying for anyone else this year, except my nephew and he won't cost too much. I am getting a cement mixer and painting it purple, because that's what he wants, he's mentioned it to me several times including in a dictated email he sent from his dad's iphone (he's 3, so that was incredibly cute. I believe the subject line was Airplane, for no particular reason OH SO CUTE). I am wandering off track here....my point is, I am unsure if I should get J the box set he wants. I don't want to make him feel bad that I spent that much money on him, especially compounding K's also expensive ipod gift. I want to get it for him, but not sure he'd want me to. And I certainly don't want to make him feel bad for not spending as much on me. So I am stuck. I have no other brilliant ideas of what to get him. Well, if I don't get him it, at least I won't be subjected to all that Beatles-listening. I am not keen on them.

I am feeling like a big whiner, so I titled this entry something nice and positive to pull you all in . Ha! It's really just another sad boring whiny post.

I am still SICK and came to work so feel double ick. I just counld't imagine taking three sick days in a row. The gods were telling me to stay home though...this morning the bus didn't come, then the next bus 20 minutes later was so full it drove right by my stop, with about 8 people standing at it with me, everyone was hopping mad. I laughed. What else can you do? So we'd been standing there freezing our buns off for over half an hour before a bus finally stopped for us. Brutal.

I feel fairly useless today. My head aches, my sinuses are totally clogged, and if being sick isn't enough I've also got some KILLER cramps. I want to crawl under a rock and die. Not very conducive to getting work done.

My first of the month weigh-in was....both good and bad. Bad, because I did not shed the 2.5 lb gain from last month, but good because I didn't gain more. Only because being sick made me lose a few, I am sure, I was sitting higher last week. So being sick is good for something. I really gotta get back into the loss-mode.

In addition to all my woes, I have two other things to bitch about. One, is that I think it's horrible that they allow Big Mac ads on CC. I know it's all run by About. com so CC has no control, that's the usual defense, well WHATEVER I am quite sure they are targeting the weight-loss supplements, self-improvement aids, and now cruelly FAST FOOD specifically to CC. It's shameful and mean.

And two, this is a bit of a personal rant about a certain group on here I joined way back. This group presents itself as being ever so supportive and inclusive (as long as you fit their criteria), but really they are cliquey and I have not gotten a word of support from them. If you are not a part of their inner group, they pretty much ignore you. It reminds me of high school, which is sad because these are people who likely know what it feels like to be ostrasized and seem to be getting a kick out of forming their own clique now. Whatever. I give up on them, I am no longer posting my monthly weigh-ins so they can go ahead and kick me out. I have gotten WAY more support here from you guys than I ever did there, that's for darn sure. So screw em.

Ok I think I done being bitter. Going to go have lunch, maybe that will improve my mood lol.

So I am staying home from work for the second day. I can't remember the last time I took two sick days in a row, certainly years and years ago. I just woke up feeling so YUCK, and with cramps on top of this cold, that I decided another one won't hurt. Nothing pressing at work this week anyway.

I had switched my flex day to last Friday, so I have actually been away from work since Thursday..a mini-holiday, if I weren't spending it on the couch feeling like crap! I started getting sniffly right on Friday and it's been downhill ever since. Also on Friday I went to the gym and worked out extra-hard. There were some meatheads in the weight room and they always intimidate me from going in there, but Friday I said SCREW IT and marched myself in there anyway. Let them look, I don't care. I don't know why but at the gym close to Joel's, the meatheads really do watch if you use the weights, it's not just me being paranoid. Anyway I overdid it in an attempt to look tough lol....serves me right. I mean even if they are watching who cares what total strangers think. But I did have the courage to use a new machine, well not really a machine but a bosu ball that's mounted on the back with arm rests/ handles on the side and you mount yourself on it then pull your legs up to your chest?  don't know what it's called but I always wanted to try it, so I did! I did 9 and that was it. And two sets of 25 crunches which I haven't done in a long time....so between the chest press and the ab excercises, I was in sorry shape afterwards. My stomach and armpits were KILLING me all weekend, my tummy still hurts actually (but maybe from coughing now).

We went to Joel's company xmas party on Saturday night. I wasn't feeling very well by then, but didn't want to miss it. I wore my pretty new red dress and felt like I fit in, with all the pretty sparkly dresses there. Dinner was good, but my stomach hurt so I didn't enjoy it as much as I may have. We stayed pretty long, but didn't dance much, the music was crap. Like going to a dance club, hip hop and stuff. We realized we are no longer the target demographic when it comes to music. Sigh.

The rest of the weekend was mostly just laying around feeling sorry for myself. I haven't even showered since Saturday lol....guess I gotta. I got home from Joel's yesterday, and am in desperate need of groceries, the fridge is bare. I think I might walk to the store and take a cab home with the bags. Lame, but I can't face biking or carrying stuff right now. When you are sick, living alone really sucks.

AW YEEEAH. 217 this morning, hot damn. 4 more pounds to go until I'm back at my lowest weight!!! WOOO.