smelko's Journal

This is my first post, and I'm making it becuase today, for the first day in a long time, I feel alive. I finally had fun and enjoyed mysef with all my friends today, and while with them, I didn't even think of food... AT ALL. This is a big step. I don't even remember the last time I had real fun.. If I did, in the back of my head I was thinking about calories and food and obsessing. But today is different. Today is amazing!

I feel like I just started the first day of the rest of my life. That feels so wierd because It's a sunday, and not a monday, whch you'd think "ok week day, be good again, start fresh. But this is even more of a reason why today's different, because normally I'm so statistical and obsessive (counting cals, obsessing over the numbers, the time of day, the day of the week etc) that I would only start on a monday... BUT TODAY'S A SUNDAY! A NEW DIFFERENT DAY IN FOREVER, AND THE UNORGANIZATION FACTOR MAKES IT SO MUCH MORE MEANINGFUL.

If anyone else would read this, they'd think hmm.. so what? But this is th first day in soooooooo many weeks and months that a) I didn't binge and had control  2.) Had fun with life and my friends WITHOUT thinking in the back of my mind about food.

In order to keep this up, here's tomorrow

egg sandwich and grapes- 300

salmon + zucchini- 250

vegges and hummus- 100

5 chicken wontons w/ snow peas- 250

piece of fruit and a slice of turkey deli meat- 150ish. 

AND something else around 100 calories.

I need to remember today.