sulfyr's Journal

Pay attention for once!
Nov 19 2009 18:55

My god, I can't even count the amount of times that you've asked me how to do something, almost RIGHT AFTER the teacher has explained the assignment Frank.

For once why don't you pay attention when things are being explained as opposed to dicking around in Maya, or playing on Facebook? Just because you would rather tattoo for the rest of your life as opposed to being an animator... doesn't mean that's what the rest of us want.

We want to learn and actually PAY ATTENTION in class.

And holy hell I want to punch out Kaela. STFU for once.

Who can tell I'm in a shitty mood?

Poor and getting hungry.
Nov 18 2009 08:48

These past few days have left me hungry. I have $20 to my name to last me for the rest of this month...

$10 of which will go towards doing laundry.

Now I'm forced to ration out the food I do have up here so that I don't starve. I do have the cafeteria downstairs to go to for my evening meals (or lunch if I'd rather that) but the rest of the time I'm on my own for food and my supplies are starting to run low.

I loot apples from the cafe when nobody is looking, but I can only survive on those for so long. And the other options I could take (A muffin or something else fatty) either taste gross or are horrible for you. I know I've been at 1200 calories at best these past few days... I know being so low will set me up for another binge but I probably wont even be able to just out of lack of food.

I'm too proud to tell anyone...

I'm also not calorie counting for a while... it sets me up for binging. For now I'm going to make smart choices and just listen to my body and see how that works. (Which sucks when there's no food around, but oh well)

College portioning salad?! REALLY?
Oct 29 2009 10:47

Well I'm sick, and therefor a cranky bee-otch.

I finally feel up to eating something so I make my way down five flighs of stairs to the dining hall, hand over my meal card and make my way to the salad bar (as per usual)...

Lo and behold, what do I find?

The salad bar, a place usually stocked with a 'build your own' salad motif, chalk full of veggies, vegetarian friendly protein and healthy fats (slivered raw almonds, sunflower seeds, etc) to be replaced by rows upon rows of McDonalds like garden salad.

No veggie-friendly protein, no healthy fats. Heck, the soy sauce I liked tosprinkle on my daily salad was gone to... in an effort of 'portion control'

Yet the rest of the messhall was still in a 'take as much as you want to shove into your face' mode.

Shouldn't we be portioning out those french fries? Or the cookies, muffins and all the stuff that SHOULD be a little more portion controlled?
I'm a creeper and I take a little looksee around to see what others are munching on... and it's gross to see someone with a full plate of mac and cheese, a burger AND fries.

Ugh.

Ahurr
Oct 15 2009 14:10

I may not have a lot of friends (not that I'm complaining) but the ones I have I'm greatful for.

Last night I spent at least 20 minutes bitching to Kerri about how bad my mother can really act. Being away from home for a month, I started thinking maybe I was over reacting before, but going home for the weekend just confirmed what I thought before..

• She doesn't care that my 16-year-old sister smokes (both cigarette's and pot). Doesn't care that she sleeps around (And she lost her virginity WAY before I even considered having sex.)

• She started, fueled and has re-opened closed ED wounds... I ask if she'll take me to Dairy Queen for a SMALL blizzard, or ask for a treat every now and again, and I hear 'Oh but you used to eat so healthy' ... when I would eat the same 'safe' foods every day for months... and struggle to get in 1300 calories. Being able to ask for a treat was hard enough before, and hearing you encourage my old ways felt like a stab to my esteem and mentality.
  (And yet my sister, who is over weight, can eat whatever the hell she wants without any comment or even a second glance)

• She can't accept responsibility when something goes awry. She constantly lied to me about my dad and put a big strain on that relationship.

• She said she could take me back to school on Thanksgiving Monday around dinnertime. At 2:15 she comes over and asks "Are you ready? We have to leave by 3" when I was planning on visiting my dad that day.
  And afterwards she refused to drive if I wasn't ready by 3.

• The house was honestly disgusting when I got back.. Garbage and old food in the sink, a bag of garbage just sitting in the kitchen waiting for someone to take it out. There were old apple cores and Michaelina lid's littering the computer desk.

And she wonders why I spent as much of my time away from her as possible...

But thankgod for you Kerri. You just listening and putting up with my complaints helped me realize how toxic that house is to my mental health.

Pescatarianism...?
Oct 05 2009 04:29

I've been giving this a lot of thought over the past month and I'm thinking that, for right now, I'm going to go back to being a pescatarian. I've been a veghead now for a little over a year and I find myself missing fish... I always thought these little 'cravings' would go away but they never did.

At the same time though, I do feel guilty over holding one life above or below others, and I don't know if i could stomach it now.

I'm torn over what to do...

NROL4W - Stage 1 log
Oct 01 2009 06:00

Workout #2a

Exercise            Sets     Reps     Set 1     Set 2     Set 3     Set 4      Rest

Squats                2         15     75/15      75/15                               60

Pushups              2         15     35d/15    35d/15                              60
Bentover Row      2         15     60/15      60/15                               60  

Stepups              2         15       /15      /15                                  60
Jackknife            2          8        bw/8       bw/8                             60     


Notes: There is no area for doing stepups in the gym. I do however climb 5 flights of stairs multiple times every day, carrying heavy bags. I hope it that at least helps.

STEPS TODAY: About 15,000

NROL4W - Stage 1 log
Sep 27 2009 08:56

Workout #1b

Exercise            Sets     Reps     Set 1     Set 2     Set 3     Set 4      Rest

Deadlift               2         15      60/15     70/15                               60

ShoulderPress      2         15      30/15     30/15                               60
Lat Pulldown        2         15      60/15     60/15                               60  

Lunge                 2         15      25/15      25/10                              60
BallCrunch           2        8        bw/8       bw/8                                  60     


Notes:  Restarting program after a 4-week hiatus.   Holy crap I died on the lunges :'D

Leave me ALONE!
Sep 09 2009 11:27

Seriously.

Counting myself, there were three people on the 12+ ellipticals at the gym... I chose the one by the end to be away from the others. Why is it, when there are huge gaps between people, everyone crowds around me.

I just want to watch my Star Trek in peace, without thinking everyone there is looking at my sweaty self.

Aiming for 4+ hours a week when time permits.
Tuesday - 45minutes
Wednesday - 45minutes

Lonely
Sep 08 2009 12:17

Well it's my first day truely alone out here at Durham.

I wont see Brian until Friday and the cable in this place sucks. I don't get two of the hannels I actually watched at home; Space and Comedy. Boourns.

Luckily the gym on campus was included in my tuition, so I'm making a goal of putting in 5+ hours there a week. If the place settles down a little today I'm going to head over there, but with it being so close to where people are getting their student cards, it's bloody well packed.

On that note, it took over 2 hours of standing in a lineup to get mine... AFTER I waited in a different lineup for 10-15 minutes, before someone decided to clarify that said lineup was for 'returning students'... not newbs like myself.

I still have no idea where to activate my meal plan lol. Apparently the food sucks though, so I'm in no rush.

Feel so gross
Sep 01 2009 12:46

Alright.

Time to stop complaining. I've eaten like crap for the past 2 weeks... indulging and over indulging and not eating any healthy choices... But that stops now.

I've been using the excuse of 'stress' to over eat any junk food I can get my mitts on, but no longer. I can see that I've gained weight (although I don't know what is actual fat mass and what's water weight) but now I'm doing something about it.

Current weight: 125lbs
Goal Weight: 112lbs