susiekitten's Journal

tuesday
Nov 24 2009 12:39

I worked at the game last night, so I shouldn't have to do that again for a while. I was starving and dead on my feet when I got home about 8:30. The kitchen was dirty, there was no food, I told them the first one who asked what was for dinner (including the husband) was getting their neck slit. I made 1/2 a peanut butter sand. and then had some baked tostitos with the dreags of the cheese dip. I was starving and we'd been working with the nachos, and frito chili pies, and hot dogs and pizza and candy bars, and I was really good. I had nothing. It helped that I had no cash on me.

  Today is mother's birthday. I have the gift I was going to mail her behind my desk. after she made such an ass of herself last week I refused to mail it out of meanness. I'll send it sometime. I sent her an email. It just makes me furious.

   I'm trying to get back my MOJO. I got up this morning (later than I intended) and did the "lotte burk method for hiphugger abs" ouch. It's 27minutes of sit ups and pushups and streching. but it's what I had that was short.  I've been buying antique picutures again. That never heralds good things emotionally. And I have not been very "sexy" lately. I'd like to just be left alone and of coarse D. always thinks it's him...... It's me, all me, I feel about as  sexy as a canned ham. But I'm working on it. Tonight is basketball, tomorrow is a mamagram (I hate that so much) and I have to take Chris back to the Dr. about his leg. I'll leave here about 1:30 then be off until Monday. I love that.

Monday
Nov 23 2009 09:12

I got up and worked out. I just felt like hell all weekend. I didn't feel sexy, I felt like a big old blob, so I'm going to start again. I didn't eat too bad, it was just the not moving. I did take down my halloween stuff, it's only 3 weeks late.

  We did basketball from Thursday until Saturday afternoon. We had a tourny and ended up 6 out of 16 teams, some 2 A like us and some 3A or 4A so we didn't do badly. After the game Saturday we went and go Am's hair done. The place we used to go is not there anymore so we just went into the hair college and let a student cut her hair and it looks really good. While I waited I got my nails done. I've had better looking manicures, but I don't believe I've ever had a massage on my hands and arms that was better. I thought I was going to go to sleep in the chair. She kept saying "you're under a lot of stress, aren't you? I can feel it in your hands" The whole thing for both of us was 9.00. come on! I'd pay more than that for just the massage. The next time I go back I'm bringing my own polish (theirs was cheap and flaked off in hours) and I'm getting my nails wrapped. I intend to do that ever month or so. I felt so much better.

  We went to the club Saturday night and I got to see my friends. There were quite a few people and we had a good time, I just wasn't feeling myself. I hate it when I'm "off". We may skip this week, or maybe I'll be back to Susie. IDK.  I'm at odds with my mother right now. She called last Thursday and bagered D. about Am going off to college to play basketball. She thinks it's awful. She hates sports and doesn't get that we want her to have the best chance to go to a college we can't afford to send her too. She's  going to have a scholarship somewhere, we have calls nearly everyday, and my mother just thinks she needs to live at home and drive back and forth to the college here. D. was so upset , and she started in on how we should go to Austin to see her this Christmas and Thanksgiving. We, as in me and D., since the kids have to work. We are supposed to leave my babies at the holidays and go see her. She says she's not coming, we have to go. FUCK THAT. I'm not leaving my babies, she can get her fat ass in a car and come up here. It's a hell of a lot easier for one or two people to get in a car than 6, especially since we'd have to take 2 cars, and the kids can't get off, I can't get off, Am has basketball practice, D. has work. She is right there on the edge. D. is nearly done, and I am too. I don't feel like I owe her anything. She was not a nice person when I was growing up, and she hasn't improved.

Tuesday
Nov 17 2009 13:06

 Today started off really really bad. I had two bitchy voicemails from the college, because one of the professors airfare went up nearly 1000.00 from 2 weeks ago. I don't make the prices. I ended up finally being able to get it for a resonable rate on FunJet with a throwaway hotel :$351.18. I know it's insane that I could get it for that with one night hotel when it's 1160.20 for just the air in Sabre, and actually today it was 1467.20 in Sabre.  Sometimes I just hate my job.

 I went yesterday and got two tires and my oil changed and my fuel injection system cleaned (I dont' know what the hell that means) It's running better, but now my check engine light is on. I did the oil change at Walmart and while I was waiting I ate lunch at Subway (buffalo chicken sand with extra veggies and no cheese, supposed to be low fat) and then  did some shopping. I bought the new Train cd because I always buy the new Train as soon as it comes out. One of the few things in life I'll pay full price for. It's good.  Then after work I went home and took allergy meds, and crashed until 7am this morning. My back is killing me, I know it's the stress. All I wanted to do today was stay home (ALONE) crank up the new cd and paint my bedroom and clean house. I can't even imagine how wonderful that would be.

Wednesday
Nov 11 2009 17:46

Okay, this is isn't good, but I had my delicious moment of the week last night, and it involved Facebook..........when I was in hs there was one boy who I was so in love with. I loved him from the 5th grade until after I graduated. I was never in his league and he thought I was a spaz. I saw his wife's FB last night and right there he was....OLD, Fat and not attractive......all these years he's lived in my mind just like he was in high school.....tall, sexy, perfect. He only dated perfect girls..took his cousins wife, and married her.  She's now a wildebeast. but so is he. I love it.

  Today I got the 80 pound monkey off my back, I got my computer fixed so I can run the university tickets and I feel so good.....I can sleep tonight.

Wednesday
Nov 04 2009 10:28

For the first time in 2 weeks I have a computer that actually works, sabre and all even the emailing... I don't know how to act. The last 2 weeks I've had to grab other computer who had sabre (there's 2) one which is Di's and she needs hers as much as I do and the other is the beast, but she doesn't do a goddamned thing except guard the computer like she was the master of the office. I hate her so much. of coarse today (after yesterday) I'd be hard pressed to find people or things I don't hate. I had nightmares all night. I still don't want to be touched, and I have a date Saturday with Strawberry. D had a shitty day yesterday too, his business is down and the bosses were bitching.  It's good I'm not drinking today, they just thought they met Courtney  Love Saturday night, I'm pure evil today. I'd be uncontrollable.

tuesday sucked
Nov 03 2009 20:44

not the best day ever. I worked my damned ass off and then we all got notes on our check stubs that informed us that christmas bonuses were cancelled this year due to the economy. The guy that's going to put in my bosses pool cabana came by today to get pictures of what he wants...... not the best timing. I'm doing the work of 2 offices. I'm under unbelievable stress and I don't make shit. I seriously don't make shit. Last year my christmas bonus was 500.00. (before taxes) but it paid for a lot of Christmas... I told the kids it wasn't going to be that big this year. Really pissed.

 First basketball game...we lost, but we lost to a three and four A schools....we're 2 A.

Saturday (finally) afternoon
Oct 10 2009 12:05

 Finally got that week behind me. I have to go back to that office next week too, but at least this ones over.

 I think I might be crazy. It just hit me as I was looking on Etsy for vintage Desert Rose dishes, Silver teapots, sparkly jewelry, vintage pyrex... I'm sitting here in Motorcycle boots and a leather jacket. If there's a weirder person I don't know who it would be. If I died tomorrow and they had an estate sale of all my stuff they'd swear I was either a stripper or an 89 year old woman. I have framed portraits (16x20) over 100 years old of mostly young women, or children, framed photos of flappers, all kinds of cookbooks (food porn) pyrex, about 5 sets of dishes, plus random handpainted china, about 80 different teapots, and more holiday decorations than 3 families would need and a good library's worth of books of every kind (except romance), along with 6 pair of thigh high boots and 150 pair of high heels, and unknown amounts of slinky mini dresses. I make no sense.

 Mom called and said my brother is in the hospital in houston with the swine flu and walking pneumonia. I hate that, but I don't really know him anymore. I've seen him once or twice in 20 years. We've never had a good relationship. He's three years younger and the only person I've ever had actual physical battles with. (in HS) and I lost frequently. I hope he's okay.

 We're going out tonight and I'm ready. (Chris is ready to get rid of us for a while.)

Thursday....
Oct 08 2009 10:07

Still in the other office, and still sick at my stomach from nervousness and stress. I woke up twice last night in a panic because I was thinking about a ticket I forgot to run that probably went up (oh yeah it did) that was for one of my clients in my real office so I wasn't there when he came in..It's just crazy. We're doing travel for the college so that's a whole new thing, plus we have no files, we're flying blind, I can't remember what all I need to do. I was so snappy at D. Monday and Tuesday that he would hardly talk to me yesterday so I had to kiss alot of ass to make up for it. It was just stress, but I don't think he understands it.

 I sold a ticket this morning to a kid who was flirting with me. I asked for his birthday because we have to have that now for tickets. He was born in '90, and I said Oh you're my son's age. He said " I thought you were single!" It's was kinda nice being hit on by a young guy, even though that would just be creepy if I went for it. I keep getting these notices from Twitter that so and so following you, and I don't remember what my username is, or when I last tweeted or anything. why in the hell would anybody follow me???? I'm insane. Follow someone interesting, someone normal, someone who knows what in the sam hill their doing. I'm a train wreck.

I'm here
Oct 06 2009 09:50

My baby's recouping at home with Mamaw. He's not ready to go back to school.

 I'm working out of another office and feeling overwhelmed. I feel like the new kid and I don't know what I'm doing. Today has started better than yesterday. Yesterday I was thrown into the deep end. I'm only supposed to be here until we find someone else. I don't know if they're really looking. I don't know what to do, D. doesn't understand. He keeps saying it's the same thing you've been doing, no it's not. The last agent left and took all our files. ALL THE FILES> we don't know who paid what for what, if it got deposited, if they got travel docs, there aren't even phone numbers in the pnr's to find them. I didn't eat anything yesterday during the day but a fiber bar. I was too stressed. My shoulder's hurt, my head hurts. I'm terrified. I ate crap when I got home. Fatfree chips and velveeta cheese dip. and a beer. There were no chairs at home to sit in, the kids had both couches  and then my mother called. I was just pissed. D. keep making sex jokes, like I was going to do anything last night! I finally just went to bed about 8:30. I didn't bite anyone, but I wanted to.

Friday
Oct 02 2009 17:08

Chris is doing really well, and I enjoyed the day so much. It's the first time I've been home alone (except a kid) in over 3 years. He slept late and I got to clean and decorate the porch with pumpkins and flowers. I got to go buy the flowers, that was nice. I felt more like myself than I have in forever. I didn't call the office, I didn't care. I went by yesterday and got some stuff done, so I didn't feel bad about not going, or calling. Today I was just momma, I wasn't Susan I wasn't Susie, I was just me. I miss that. I haven't decorated since I went to work. I didn't find all my stuff, I've hidden pumpkins from myself (I buy alot after holidays and squirrel it away) but I found alot and I bought a real one. I haven't had a real one in over 10 years. Nice day, I needed that.