swimchick_123's Journal
God is a jerk.Aug 28 2008 22:12
I'm so, so so so fucking stupid. And fat.
When I was 110 pounds, I was so skinny. But I didnt see it. I begged, begged God to let me see what others saw when they looked at me, but NO. I thought i was a whale. Why couldn't he have made me happy and actually feel like the skinny person I was?! If he's so great and fucking almighty, then why couldn't he have made me even remotely aware that I was skinny, and pretty?
Now, at 130 fucking pounds, I am truly the whale that I thought I was. I know that its my fault, but why the fuck couldn't God have given me the knowledge that I was infact skinny at one point in my life?! Maybe that would have stopped the binging. I KNOW that would have stopped the binging. But no. I am so sick of being a bitch to everyone around me because I feel trapped and worthless in my own body. But I can't do anything about it because I can't control it anymore. I can't lose weight, I've tried so fucking hard but i just CANT. I'm going back to school next week and they're all going to see my fat. All my clothes are too small, I can't afford any new ones. God I can't fucking escape my body. Thats all I want. If I was skinnier, I wouldn't dread going back to school. I wouldn't dread swim practice. I would be able to swim easier. I would be able to go out with friends. I would be able to wear tight clothing again. It would fix EVERYTHING.
I'm so fucking hating myself. And God. But mainly myself.
if you where skinny when you where 110, then adding 20lbs doesnt make you a whale, and as for the whole god thing, im no preacher but maybe this is his way of showing you that you where skinnier and that you should work hard to get back there, then you can just use the motivation of that you are skinny and dont wanna weight 130 to stay at 110, just my view ... good luck |
Babe I know how you feel! I felt SO skinny at 120lbs, and now I'm at 130lbs and I feel like I cannot get it off! And therefore I binge. Why? I don't know! Since I want to LOSE weight, why binge?! The point is, 20lbs, 10lbs, 30lbs, your not a whale. Your beautiful and you probably look healthy! Just take control. Get to a happy medium (maybe 120?) And don't hate girl! |
What you might try this ... go to someone close to you, and tell them that you are the best looking person you know. Tell this to your nearest family member or closest friend. Just say, "You know what, I'm the best looking gal I can think of." The next day tell someone else that. And tell them something else about yourself, like "I'm a smart girl and I know how to take care of me." Do that every day. Make it a habit. Then throw out the rest of the pringles after you've had 1/2 the can, right in the garbage so they get messed up with the rest of the garbage. Brush your teeth so you can't taste what you've just snacked on. Get up and go for a walk or start talking with someone when you feel like seriously chowing down and you're not really hungry. If you start thinking about something you crave, picture it with bugs or mucus on it. Keep that picture in your mind. Plan exactly what you want to eat and have that in the house, lots of baby carrots, snap peas and trail mix and grab a handful of these every so often during the day. Throw out little bits of the food you're not supposed to have. Believe me, loving yourself is not a feeling or a thing that happens to you, it is something you do and is best done in front of other people. Tell people you're a worthy person and they're not going to argue. They're going to believe it, gauranteed. They're going to say, how come she is so put together and self confident. And you're going to feel that and get all the benefit from it. I really wish you all the best my dear. Just get your ship on a calmer sea. Sincerely, Mr. Neville |
thanks all |
yeah it sucks right. just when you've already gain weight back you piled on more and now would do anything to go back to that size, feeling worse than ever. if we haven't felt so depress in the first place we wouldn't have continually eat and gain more. hopefully with healthier eating habits and over a period of time and consistency that the weight will level off. i'm so sorry you have to go through the exact thing i'm battling with. |
Where can I see 1/8th or 1/6th of a pie or angel food cake?
This is the best way to picture a portion of pie or cake: Draw a circle to represent the circumference of the cake or pie (9" pie? 10" cake?... Read more