tadydid's Journal

I'm weak
Mar 04 2009 18:48

I really suck at dieting.  Yesterday and today I've completely failed by going out to eat and drinking a ton of pop. Before that, I'd still get fast food for one meal but eat healthy the rest of the day. I keep going downhill, instead of up.

Yesterday I went to Logan's and had 4 rolls, a sandwich that had a white bun and bacon on it, fries, and a HUGE daiquiri. That could've been enough but THEN I went to the movies later that night and had popcorn slathered in butter.  Today, I went to Long John Silver's and got greasy fish and shrimp.  They even have low-cal stuff there now and I didn't eat it. I got the bad-for-you stuff. 

When I go out I figure I don't have to worry about eating too healthy because it's a treat. However, it's not a real treat when you're lazy and eat out a lot. The funny thing is, I don't even like fast food that much! Every now and then I could go for a burger and fries, but it's cheap and gross. I just get it for the convenience. The health food at fast food places usually tastes worse than the bad-for-you stuff (For some reason, salads at fast-food places taste bad to me. Don't ask me why, they just do) so I just eat that instead.

I also go with the group. If nobody else is really watching what they eat, then I let go too. When I ate out yesterday I was with my husband and one of our good friends. I was comfortable with them and I didn't feel like I had to watch myself. They ate a lot of bread so I didn't feel like a fatty when I had four rolls myself.  Also, when I'm home, Josh goes out for fast food and I have him get something for me. Why not? I think "if he can, I can too." He's offered to help me out with dieting and he's really supportive but sometimes he's a bad influence. He doesn't try to but it happens.

Pop is just an addiction, plain and simple. Caffeine in general too, but mostly pop. When I try to give it up, I feel so sick from the sugar withdraw. I can't take it and go back. Even when I do manage to give it up for a while (I think my longest was about a year), once I start again, I can't stop. Josh is also bad with that; the one thing he won't give up is Dr. Pepper and he can drink about one 2 ltr. per day! It's so hard to say no to Coke and Pepsi.

I just can't control myself. I don't know how to change. I do for a little while, but I always bounce back.  What do I do? How can I lose weight when I'm so weak?

I don't know if this journal entry makes sense, I was just writing and trying to get this off of my chest. I'm not going to bother editing. I'm just so frustrated!! Gah!!!

There's something else I don't understand: I weighed myself a few days ago (less than a week) and I had lost 5 lbs total. I weighed myself today in similar clothes and I had gained it all back! How could I gain THAT fast?? A few lbs maybe but not 5! Dammit!! >_<