tblover900's Journal
re-re focusOct 28 2009 09:11
Decided to refocus on me. I have been pushing myself too hard in the emotional aspects of my life. Its time for me to slow down, look around, and take my time.
Everything with F is just....all messed up. I hate that we have to be apart and that its no one in particular's fault. I hate situational breakups. I was really starting to trust him and open up...i felt safe, finally. I guess i should just take it as, at least i know I CAN feel that way. I keep myself so hidden on the inside that sometimes i wonder how capable I am of having strong feelings for anyone, to the point of worrying about it. I don't want to be the messed up girl. argh, enough about it. We haven't gotten together to talk it over yet. Our schedules over the weekend just didn't match up.
Orion is doing well, I took him over the 2'6" oxer again on Sat/Sun. He was having trouble measuring his stride with the ground poles, but that might have been my fault...I can't space them correctly to save my life. (8 steps apart sounds right.....right? it was heel toe measurement...oh well) i took them out and he did fine. I like having them becuase he is forced to not get too fast. He thinks SO much that he gets too excited sometimes. I did a LOT of ground work with him...he still hates the mounting block. hi, sweetie you're humungous I need that step so i dont break your back trying to swing myself up into the saddle, okay? okay. lol. big baby.
Went to the gym yesterday, weighed myself. Up almost 4 lbs. Grr. Should have known though...i haven't been watching what i eat and i hadn't been to the gym in over a month. So I did nothing but cardio my first day back, next week I will add the lifting back in with it on alternating days. Its getting to be that time of year when the horses are inside on the weekends, which means cleaning stalls. 25 of them to be exact...it takes me close to 6 hours when i do it alone. I did the math on another site, I burn 1200 calories on saturday and sunday....thats not together, 1200 per day. Insane! So I am going to have to basically double what I eat on the weekends. I usually just up the protien like crazy so I am not too tired but it'll leave me some wiggle room so I don't have to be super strict on myself around the holidays. Cause thats a losing battle to begin with. Just have to make sure I moderate portions and such.
Friday if the weather stays nice **crosses fingers** i'm taking Orion on a trail ride for the day with some ladies from the barn. Caroline is going and so is the new boarder, she is so nice and really funny. She has a QH and rides Western, i helped her out a bit last weekend when her horse was being lazy with picking up the right lead. I got after him a bit and he now behaves perfectly for her. **feels proud** And then Friday night is the barn bonfire and horsey costume contest....Orion and I are gonna be gypsies! I have a coin belt and full skirt and all that. I also have a cotton sarong with a knot design on it, which will be Orions saddle pad. Braid ribbons and bells into his tail and onto the saddle, i need to get a garland for his neck...maybe tonight so i can test it on him tomorrow and make sure he is okay with it. lol I will post pictures for all to see my handsome boy. :)
Happy Halloween
I guess i should just take it as, at least i know I CAN feel that way. Yes x 1000. It is an unfortunate turn of events, but you've learned much from it if you have learned this. |
What Thonx said. :) Give it a little time and a chance to talk things out and then see what happens. If anything, this was a learning experience and the timing just wasn't right. Can't wait to see the pics of you and Orion! I have only ever ridden a horse once in my life (I was 11) but I loved it. I enjoy watching steeplechase and barrel racing, and love hearing you talk about putting Orion through his paces. :) |
Ooo we are having a similar halloween party at my barn- with lots of games including bareback riding contests and egg-in-the-spoon while on horseback. I really want to go but I'm not planning any elaborate costumes since I'm having LASIK tomorrow. We'll see. Definitely post pictures on you and Orion as gypsies, that is such a great costume idea that I might steal it for next year. Smoke is black so I was thinking about painting a horse skeleton on him, that would be cool. But washing it off would be such a pain. Sorry about the frustrations with the guy. But person above me is right- the timing just wasn't good. Hang in there, you will meet someone you can feel open with! |
Thanks DocLo. (why am i encouraging that name....) You guys are right, I just have to keep telling myself that over and over. I might believe it. ;) Katy- I will be sure to post pictures! Horse skeletons looks awesome! You can also do a reverse zebra! Or maybe some indian war paint? hand print on the rump, circle around the eye and a couple of other little "drawings" on his barrel. That way the paint isnt everywhere! You can also make him a fairy horse!? Just do the same thing im doing with the ribbons, bells and braids, drape pretty flowers around his neck and then you can wear the fairy costume with wings! one of the girls got wings for the littlest pony we have, her mom made a cloth with velcro "girth" with the wings sewed on....Daisy is Tinkerbell and the little girl is going to be Peter Pan, SO CUTE! |
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