Day One: Stopping thisNov 10 2009 13:54
So long story short, I haven't gotten over my binge eating disorder. It's actually the worst its been since school started, and I've been binge eating pretty much every other day :(:( I'm in this weird cycle where I binge eat one day, then eat barely anything the next, rinse and repeat basically. I know, I know- I'm setting myself up for binging by not eating anything the day after, but I feel so guilty and disgusting that I just can't eat anything. And I don't mean low self esteem disgusting- like, actual physical symptoms disgusting. Since my binges are pretty big, I wake up the next morning super bloated, my mouth is dry and disgusting, I've had horrible night sweats so I'm all sweaty and gross- and just the idea of putting on jeans is awful. That's how I feel today, since yesterday was pretty bad. I got so stressed out I just ate and ate.
Anyway, I know that I can beat this, and I really don't want to be still binging in December, which would make it a year that I've been dealing with BED. O my gosh..a whole year. The idea just freaks me out. So here's the plan: write an entry every day that includes how the day;s going and what my calorie goal is.
So today is obviously not going very well. I haven't really eaten anything..I'm not hungry and I'm really afraid that if I start I won't be able to stop (which is happening more and more frequently). I'm feeling really nervous right now actually, so I think I'll go workout, then study, then hopefully have a better day tomorrow. WILL have a better day tomorrow.
hiiiiiiiii. I'm sorry you are going through this, I know how tough it can be! I have off and on bingeing problems that got really bad this summer due to stress and over restriction. I know it seems like when you are at that point there is no way to get out of it but you def can. I think its important that first, your life is in balance in other areas besides food. Also, you have to take small steps. Saying "never again" is not realistic. It might start as just saying that your binges next time won't be as bad, or that you will find a way to cut yourself off before you get really physically ill. Then gradually you can set stronger goals like not bingeing for a whole weekend. anyways I made the mistake of stopping journaling all together when I was going through it because I was too embarrased to talk about it! But I think its really healthy to journal so keep that up too. Good luck! You aren't going through this alone :) |
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