tesecook's Friends

Just 29 days till my first anniversary here at CC. I had lost over 100 lbs...101.6 to be exact, but now am sitting around 80 lbs lost. I've gained some back, but not so much that I am totally freaking out.

I fell off the wagon this fall. Big time. I've been binging, and making up the same old excuses. I think part of the problem was I was setting unrealistic goals, and trying to maintain an unrealistic weight. I do believe in set points, and I was trying very hard to stay at a weight I just can't live in and still be me.

So....I'll say it. I want to weigh 165. That's 10 lbs OVERWEIGHT, but it's my sweet spot. I can maintain that.

To make that happen I've cut back from 45 mins a day, at night on my elliptical, and added a 30-40 min walk at night. I can handle that a bit better. So, I get more excersise.

That means I can eat more. I hope to inch back to 165...that's just five pounds....this year. Some time. In the mean time, I can eat 'round 2800 calories a day and still lose a bit every day.

Am I back? I'm here. Will I be tomorrow? Who knows. But today was a good day.

It's back. The deals with myself, the magical thinking about "tomorrow" and the lack of excersise.

But for how long? Is this it? Am I doomed to gain it all back? I've put on 14 pounds. But worse than that, I've put on 20 years of excuses and lies and shame back into my daily routine. What the fuck is going on?!