tiatortilla95's Journal

So, my crazy busy month is finally slowing down.  This weekend was supposed to be the worst (most busy) of them all but was seriously altered by the fact that the baby shower I was supposed to have tomorrow and have been planning for a month was cancelled just yesterday!!  Momma has been in and out of the hospital all week because of major swelling, luckily it's not toxemia, but we decided a shower is just to much for her right now and it's best she just stays in bed.  They have already had  one shower so they've got all the basics. 

Secrectly I am glad it was cancelled... though I could have pulled it off (parties are what I do best) I would have spent the last (and next) 24 hours running around like a chicken with my head OFF! Because tomorrow is also our Cinco De Mayo Party!! And my house is still in serious disarray from the office redo we started...oh, over a month ago!!  Hubby's been working extra hard to get it back together **been so long since I've made an entry - I don't think I've mentioned Hubby quit his job! ya QUIT! That's another entry, another day**

Anyway- looking forward to relaxing tomorrow with a couple of margaritas, great company and some delicious guacamole!!! Bought some super cute capris to wear and can't wait to strut my 37 lbs. smaller booty around! :) hahahhaha

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AY Yi Yi!!!  So, we had our little mini-vacay at an indoor waterpark, and we had a blast!!  I love water parks and this one was really fun!  However this was my first real test of will power, it was the first time I was away from my nice little controlled environment of packed lunches and prepared dinners for an extended period of time, and boy did I fail miserably!!

 I pretty much lived off of Snack Bar food and Fast food for 3 days, but the thing is I did have healthy(or at least healthier than I did choose) choices - pizza, buffalo wings, burgers, soft pretzels with cheese, waffle fries, doritos and lots of beer~ these were my choices at every meal (snack).  The snack bar had salads and chicken sandwhiches...for crying out loud I even brought some fruits and veggies that we had in our room ~ none of which was eaten!  I am so disappointed with myself.  What's worse is I felt like doo doo all weekend (my stomach was killing me) yet I continued to eat like this.  And here's the real downer....2 lb. gain!!!!

I know at least half of that is water retention (I hope it is anyway) Though I did consume a lot of calories, I was literally on my feet from Friday afternoon til saturday night (other than sleeping of coarse :) ) chasing my 3 year old, climbed about a million stairs for various slides and what not, and even did some rope climbing...so my activity level should have burned some of that crap off, right?  Well only time will tell that though, I'm pumping myself with water today to try and "flush" it out.

Really though, it is more about my complete lack of will power, not once did I make a good choice, I  mean even on the way home (vacay is over now) I pigged out at the brunch buffet!  I am reminding myself that it was a vacation and I am here today starting anew, but I just want to have more control even when I am on vacation.

I have learned something about myself though; this is usually my breaking point -This is how it starts: 1) I have been so extremely busy this past month (both work and home) that I have been slacking at the gym...2) I tell myself "well you've lost 32 lbs already" 3) I had a little away time, 4) then I had a gain (my first gain all year) and finally, there is no end in sight as far as my schedule goes - from now till pretty much July we have a million things going on and here at work they are predicting this pace to stay around for awhile(I have worked more overtime in the past month than I have in the past year!) Here is where I would normally throw in the towell, I'd say I am just too busy to do it anymore and give up.  

 But I'm not going to this time!  I am consciously aware of my feelings and I am going to fight them.  I really think this site is the reason I will succeed ~ I feel accountable for my actions now - it was so depressing to see that gain in my weight log, it only made me want to work harder this week to turn it around!

So this was my first big step backwards but I'm not going to let that stop me!

Happy Monday all! 

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My Gosh!!!  I have been so freggin busy lately I havn't had a chance to get in here - I have barely kept up with my Food Log - But the good news is, I'm still on track!!  Had a rough weekend (as far as eating goes)  Aside from being insanely busy at work; we decided to turn our "home office" into a real home office. I mean completely gutted it...putting in all new carpet, moldings, closet doors  - hubby's building a desk, a book shelf and some cabinets!! Whew!  We always do this - every year right about this time we decide it's time for some home improvements!  And we always bite off more than we can chew...so my living room is in absolute chaos because all of the contents from the office are sitting in my living room!!  And we still have a long way to go!!!  But we love doing it and this will really be a big pay off - get some real organization in there! 

But anyway we ended up eating Taco Bell (OH GOD - IT WAS SO GOOD!) and KFC in the same day - I didn't over do it and even managed to still have a small deficit at the end of the day (painting, moving furniture & boxes, ripping up carpet) burned a LOT of calories that day! :) 

It really makes a difference to me knowing that I am ging to log in everything I eat and I am going to see exactly what I am doing to myself...I truely stop to think about how bad I really want to eat whatever it is I'm reaching for!!  And it paid off because Monday morning the scale was down 2 more lbs!!! (still my old scale - haven't even had time  to shop for that!)  That's 28 lbs. since January 3rd!!!   Whch brings me t what I'm bumming about today...

I'm not getting any compliments.. I mean 28 lbs. should be noticible - I do notice it - my clothes do fit better (some even bigger) and I've even bought a couple of items down a size!  My husband compliments me and my sister too but they both know that I am working really hard so their comments almost don't count (I appreciate them but it's different)  Not a single co-worker, or family member that I see every now and then...no one!  I'm thinking maybe I've been up and down so many times that they're all just used to seeing me at all these stages.... cause Lord knows I've been here before!  I've been 28 lbs. down, 3 months in, eating well, exercising... My biggest loss at one time was 35 lbs. - got down to 200 back in 2002.  I guess I have to use this as a push to just keep on going and get past that point that any of them have seen me at!!!   I know the differnece this time is this site!  I have never kept track of what  I ate or had so much good information at my fingertips (I know I was putting myself into starvation mode at past attempts) 

I am letting my impatience get the best of me again...need to put it in check and just keep doing what I'm doing!!

Damn, I am long winded today - and the work is piling even higher, guess I better get to it!!! 

As Tigger would say...TTFN!

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OK, so I weighed myself this morning and I have been really good about only weighing myself once a week (Mondays), but today was an exception...see my hubby and I have had a little competition going on - when we started this weight loss plan / total change of lifestyle...we thought we'd make it fun by challenging each other with a "lets see who can lose more" contest.  And YAY ME!! I won!!

As of today I have officially lost 24 lbs. since January 3rd!  The winner was going to plan a weekend getaway for the 2 of us, but since I surprised him with a mini-weekend getaway for his b-day just a few weeks ago, we scaled down this prize to - winner gets to pick out a new scale! So I'll be scale shopping this weekend!!

Well crazy busy at work today  - I've kinda got myself into a mess...I'm so obsessed (sp?) with this site that I have just been letting the work pile up over the past week and now I'm practically buried under it!!! :) Gotta get crackin!!!

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So here I am, survived another weekend!  It really is hard to re-train my brain on the concept of eating healthy and not being on a "diet"! Every past attempt (and success) at weight loss was all about deprevation!  Just completey gave up everything I loved and as soon as I either (on the shorter runs) fell off the wagon I'd throw up my hands and say aww forget it and go hog wild (literally eat like a pig) or on the longer runs ( 6 months was my longest haul I actually got down to 200 - and a few weeks at 198,that was back in 2002) I'd start feeling good and slowly bring back all those bad foods that I love... a binge here,a binge there and POOF - right back where I started..and then some! 

I'm still having trouble with the almighty M-Word!!! (moderation)  There are still some things I just feel I have to stay away from completely until I have a little more control.....pizza, doritos and sour cream, french fries, and taco bell (which wouldn't you know, used to be quit a bit out of my way to get but now is nearly next door!!)  But slowly learning to let myself enjoy food, and stop obsessing on the weight loss, wanting immediate results...After a few really good weeks I even went in and changed my first goal - I originally gave myself til June 8th to get to 200 (right before our vacation) but then after seeing a quick drop I thought, no I could do it by May 21st at 2 lbs a week.....I've got to keep reminding myself that this is going to be a long and slow road - I think I'll go change it back...give myself some breathing room -while March is pretty much event free, I know I'll be having my sisters famous oreo pie at Easter - I can't miss that!!!!

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So far so good..made some pretty bad decisions yesterday, well actually I take that back I made some pretty good ones compared to what I would have chosen in the past.  We had 2 different parties, well the first wasn't really a party it was a gathering to celebrate the life of a family friend that past away last week, she didn't want a typical funeral so the family rented a hall and everyone just gatherered to talk about her and share stories...of coarse there was enough food to feed an army!!!  I strolled up to the food table checked out my options and am pretty proud of myself - while I picked up the serving spoon for both the potato salad (loaded with real mayo) and the macaroni salad -I put them both down before one drop touched my plate!  Instead I loaded my plate with salad and fresh veggies, I chose italian dressing over ranch and skipped the bread rolls.  I did take one small fried chicken wing, but eneded up not liking it so only took a couple bites, and 2 meatballs from a swedish meatball dish - I picked the two with the least amount of gravy, oh and 1 slice of turkey on top of my salad...so all in all not too bad - it was the first "get together" with the whole family since my new journey to health and it was deffinetly a test, and I'd say I passed!  There will be many many more to deal with as the weather gets warmer, I have all of March to build up my will power for Easter Dinner!!!  Yikes! 

Well, that was yesterday afternoon then that evening we wnet over to a neighbors house to play cards....I brought a cheese and cracker tray and a hommus and tobouli tray with mini pitas and bagel chips...there was cheesy potatoes, chips and salsa, bean dip, a veggie tray and cookies.  AND DRINKS!!!  Aside from my heaping spoonfull of cheesy potatos my drink is what got me...I didn't know vodka was so high in calories - I had crystal lite pink lemonade with diet 7 up (not bad right) well you add a double shot of voka to each glass at 67ish cals per oz, well it was ALOT!! By the way I really liked this new drink it might be my new fav!  Anyway I had the cheesy potatos, 3 or 4 pitas with hommus and tobouli, chips and salsa and bean dip!  Didn't touch the veggies. :(   Then when I got home...(always get the munchies  when I drink)  I had 2 pork egg rolls and 6 girl scout cookies!!!  I actualy forgot about the cookies until just now, I logged in my food journal this morning and now realize I left out the potatoes and the cookies!!!  I don't have the heart to go back and add them....It was bad enough with out them! 

Didn't start today aff all that great either. hubby and I had a hankering for an egg mcmuffin...so he made a McD's run and after an egg mcmuffin(no cheese) and a breakfast burrito(no cheese and took out most of the sausage) I've started the day off with an F!  That's depressing, but the cc calculator doesn't account for the minus of cheese but even still I found another site that broke it down and the cheese only adds up to 100 cals and 7 gr fat!  So I'm sure it'd still be a F!!! 

But I'm not going to beat myself up over this, I'm going to make better choices for the rest of the day and as soon as I get my crap together I'm headed to the gym!  The kids have a b-day party at 3:30 so I gotta get a move on it! 

I haven't kept a journal since I was a teenager!  Kinda like it! 

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