tolife's Journal

The Anxiety Factor...
Jul 08 2008 12:43

OK... what are the real reasons I was about 268 pounds when I started this?

• Bad habits from my family of origin
• Genetics
• Keeping yucky boys away from me
• Self medicating my Anxiety! 

Ahhhhhhhhh we have a winner!  All of the above were factors, but without the last one, I don't think the others would have gotten me above 200.

I've always have issues with anxiety, and I've always resisted medication even though it's been recommended for me for years.  Why resist?  I have a perfectly good medication - food!  And boy is it ever.  It's cheap, available, and very effective. 

So, what does this mean in real life?  It means that during my dramatic and ongoing loss, I had a place to channel my anxiety - into counting, tracking, and generally obsessing. 

Now that I'm trying to transition into maintenance soon, my anxiety levels have skyrocketed.  I lost my best coping mechanism and now the chemicals in my brain have taken over.  I can't tell if I'm hungry or not, because the drive to eat eat eat eat eat is so strong I can't hear anything else.  And that drive is my anxiety.  I have come to the conclusion that in order to maintain my weight and develop an intuitive and healthy relationship with food, I must control my anxiety. 

I've decided to start medication.  I've been on it for about 2 weeks and it has dramatically changed by eating impulses.  I'm able to feel if I'm hungry or not and then make decisions with my head about what and how much to eat. 

I'm going to try this for a while and see how it goes... but until I really develop new maintenance habits, I expect to stay on medication.  I hope to taper off after that, but who knows.  If my brain really is chemically imbalanced I may need help long term.