tree0421's Journal
This is harder than I thought it would beNov 04 2009 08:07
So yesterday, after I gained three pounds I guess my day was doomed. I fought with my boyfriend all day on email, ate close to my calories for the day at work so I knew my night was doomed, drank wine last night, continued to fight with my boyfriend into the evening, read*, and binged on pizza.
*only bright spot
I actually don’t feel that horrible about it though. I like really needed it after fighting with my boyfriend, but I feel like I fought with him because I gained 3 pounds. Because it is one of those fights that you can always have and I just felt like having it yesterday. It boils down to my boyfriend is broke and far away, so when I go to see him I usually pay for us but when we live together it will be probably the same because he will use all his money for the mortgage on his house. But I feel like he doesn’t ever visit me and that upsets me from time to time, and he is a musician and he is maybe joining this new band which makes me nervous because of my own insecurities. Practice might be on Sundays, which is one of our two days a week together. He tried to make me feel better about it, but I just don’t think it is fair. And I try so hard for us. I am the one who comes to see him every weekend. He never comes to me. And he acts like it is so hard…and I think like how is it hard on you?? you can come see me whenever you want.
I try not to go see him more than I do 1)because it’s the principle of it! and 2) my car is really old and I would rather let her rest during the week.
I am so bored at work and so bored at home that it is so hard not to think about food. I have like no hobbies (except for writing and I have had writer’s block for a good 5 years now!) and pretty much no friends as the one I have I never see because I am visiting my boyfriend every weekend. I guess I just needed to vent today.
I don’t know what to do about the boyfriend. I love him so much – so much more than anyone and he is great…but I think I drive him nuts. He loves me a lot too. I plan to get a job where he lives and move in with him asap, but the job market sucks right now.
Enough Debbie Downer talk. Today I plan to eat less at work so I can eat more at home. :D
I can tell you that this whole process is an emotional roller coaster. I feel it every day. But I keep going, even when I screw up (which is frequently) and I compare my eating and activity to what it was 2 months ago. And that alone keeps me motivated because it was BAAADDD!!!! You may want to try eating less prepared frozen meals to eliminate the crazy water weight. I eat them alot too, so I am not one to preach, but then again, I am experiencing the same crazy ups and downs. The one good thing is that I seem to go up a few pounds, gradually lose them, and then drop more. That has been the trend for the past 2 months, at least. I'm hoping it continues! Hang in there and keep up the good work! You will see results! |
thanks! i think this website is the only thing holding me together. :) it is awesome to have people going through the same thing as me. i am not going to eat frozen meals anymore (well not as much as i was - i was having one every night for dinner). i ate them for convenience, but i can eat other things easily and cheaply.
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Hi- amspano is right- this can be an emotional roller coaster. It's hard to focus on yourself so hard without all kinds of other things coming up. So you had one bad day? You'll get past it. Remember how good it makes you feel when you have a good day, and have some more of those. There are 3 more weekdays now in which we can be good. I don't like the sound of the boyfriend troubles. I'm biased though- in my mid 20's I dated somebody who sounds very similar- musician (always put the miscellaneous bands before me), lived far away (2 hours) and expected me to make all the trips, and usually expected me to pay for things as well. I am very glad that one did not perservere! But, I wouldn't want to judge your relationship based on one journal entry, I know we tend to vent in here. Just make sure you are up front with this guy and don't forget to ask him for his support in this healthy living idea! Hope today is better! P.S. I love writing too, and I just started taking a class at the community college "jumpstart your writing", it's great and been an eye opener, maybe there is something similar in your area? |
thanks for the kind words!! i would love to write something. money is kind of tight right now, but i think my company would actually pay for some classes...i will have to look into it. it will provide me with something to do!! our relationships do sound similar. he assures me over and over that if things could different they would be. he is so passionate about music that i try not to let it bother me. i shouldnt talk about that anymore - it makes me want to be passionate about something too...like writing! but i have to start doing some first. that is true - even with this one bad day, i am doing much better than i did a couple weeks ago. i can still work out six days this week. a couple weeks ago i was going to the gym like once or twice!
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So you can log your weight -- which allows you to do the following:
- Plot your weight curve
- Analyze the trend of your weight (see under Recent in the figure above)
- Determine the projected target date (see under Overall in the figure above)
