valsgoal's Friends

Yeah, I've gained back some weight, but not all. I want and need to get back on track for my sake and my jobs.

I'm hoping to get back on the train, and start a momentum.

- Jenn

Its part of the illness I have.  I just want to sleep and sleep I did. I got up about 12;45 today and then ate some chips and salsa and laid back down. I got up an hour later and ate 8 chicken wings.  Not healthy at all.  then I just had half a pack of sweet and salty trail mix. 

I feel bloated and ashamed of myself for the lack of control in my eating areana today.  Nothing I can do about it is just know it is consumed and it is what it is.  A binge or mood eating.With sleeping in late today I do got to say I was up at 8;00 and had cheese and crackers for breakfast.  The blood sugars were good. I need to go now because I have some things I want to do right now while I am up to it.So much for the blood sugars being good.  It went up to 272 after 8 3 hours after 8 chicken wings.  That was all I had.  Tired of yo-yo diet and yo-yo sugars.  It was suggested to me to get the pump.  I wasn't sure I could give myself injections, and I do.  Amazing how you can do things once you are forced into it. But the pump seems cumbersome to me.  We'll have to see, I might consider looking into it. Very very hestitant about getting one.

The store had turkey breast on sale today for .99 cents a pound. So I bought a six pounder.  Guess what we are having tomorrow?  Turkey and dumplings, and also turkey and stuffing.  This is before my son goes back to college in the evening.  There are so many things that need to be done before Christmas and I doubt it will get done.  Just have motivation and depression issues.  Not sure how to get over it either.  I just know that I have got to get control of it or it is going to control me as it has been for many many years.  Practically since I can remember. Oh well. . . Enough said of that.

Take care and know this is only until things align itself again when I get to feeling like myself.  We ought to play a lottery game about this. . . . when will heavenly feel herself again?

God Bless.

Yesterday was spent in the doctors office for the diagnosis for the back. Today was spent first thing at the chiropractors office for treatment.  I am not suppose to do alot of walking for a few days.  This new machine he used on me releases the nerve endings from being all balled up. Essentially, by doing that I felt immediate relief. I still can't believe that my back was the problem. But oh, well.

Just got back from the gym. Did you know that back problems can wrec havoc on your intestines and stomache. Well, trust me it does and the doctor confirmed. Worse gas I've ever had the discomfort of releasing and being around. Phew wee! Anyhow, the more I exercised the more it came out. I just quit. I lasted 15 minutes.

Not good eating today. I feel full from the meals I've had today. First, I had a whole wheat bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, for lunch I had a taco and bean burrito from Taco Bell, and for dinner, haven't had it yet but I did have a protein shake

Take care and God Bless.

Thank goodness it's Friday - what a week this has turned out to be.  It seemed to be the longest short week ever!!!!

Thank you for the words of wisdom yesterday.  It makes perfect sense - I eat a peanut butter cup - I run or jumping jacks, seriously I would eventually get tired or realize that the peanut butter cups just isn't worth the jumping jacks.

I know that ultimately I am going to have to spend the money to get a divorce, it's just so frustrating to have to almost waste the money on something like that, when I am not in the wrong.  I wish he would just divorce me already, but the thing is he continues to tell his father that he is moving to Pittsburgh & we will be back together in January - what a liar, first why would I even consider getting back together with him?  Second, what about your girlfriend, does she know?  lol

Oh well.... I guess I better get back to work.  Thanks for listening to me once again. 

And most importantly, I need to get things stable for the boys' sake, as much as I am a victim, I am a victim in the voluntarily, they were brought into this and deserve to have so much better in life.  Even if all the money I receive for child support goes into their college fund, they deserve every penny. 

Have a great weekend.

Thank goodness it's Friday - what a week this has turned out to be.  It seemed to be the longest short week ever!!!!

Thank you for the words of wisdom yesterday.  It makes perfect sense - I eat a peanut butter cup - I run or jumping jacks, seriously I would eventually get tired or realize that the peanut butter cups just isn't worth the jumping jacks.

I know that ultimately I am going to have to spend the money to get a divorce, it's just so frustrating to have to almost waste the money on something like that, when I am not in the wrong.  I wish he would just divorce me already, but the thing is he continues to tell his father that he is moving to Pittsburgh & we will be back together in January - what a liar, first why would I even consider getting back together with him?  Second, what about your girlfriend, does she know?  lol

Oh well.... I guess I better get back to work.  Thanks for listening to me once again. 

And most importantly, I need to get things stable for the boys' sake, as much as I am a victim, I am a victim in the voluntarily, they were brought into this and deserve to have so much better in life.  Even if all the money I receive for child support goes into their college fund, they deserve every penny. 

Have a great weekend.

I've had a near-constand pounding headache for the past 2 days.  And my eyes are so tired and dry feeling I don't even want to try putting my contacts in.  I'm just having one of those days where you feel awful but there's no real cause.  I'm not ill. I'm just ick. I also have the meanest case of the hungries. I want to stuff myself with food.

I went into London yesterday with my friend Crystel, and went to her singing lesson with her to meet her teacher.  She was really lovely, very friendly.  I talked to her about re-starting lessons and she said to give her a call in the new year, and that she was intrigued to hear me after I'd told her a bit of background [I have a Mus.B(Hons) in voice].  I haven't had lessons in quite a while and it's something I DO need to get back to.  I don't want a boring crap office job.  I want to freelance as a singer.  So I need to get my A into G and get good enough to audition for some post-grad courses at the end of next year, 

About 3.30pm yesterday we went and had a late lunch at a pub.  I had a burger and fries.  There was so much meat on the burger, about half a pound I'm guessing.  That's more than twice as much meat as I would ever eat in one sitting.  At the best of times I'm not even a big meat eater.    I didn't even finish the whole thing and felt crampy and nauseous and bloated afterward until about 9pm that night.  It's weird, the older I get the more my body lets me know when I've eaten something it hasn't appreciated.  I can't eat chocolate the way I used to either. 

I'm gonna go find more food to snack on.  Damn hungries...

edit: oh wow.  I was feeling ick.  I just napped for 3.5 hours.  That's insane!  It's got rid of my headache though

Sometimes I wonder how the day gets so far away from me all the time, so much to do, yet it always seems like there is so little time to get it all accomplished.

I had a pretty rough day at work overall, sometimes things just get so frustrating.

I am extremely sleepy today as well, which may be the reason why every little thing seems to be magnified.

Yesterday I contacted the pre-paid lawyer service that I have through work regarding files for divorce & child support.  That went a little rougher than I expected.  After everything I've already been through they want a $2500 deposit just to start the process, it will most likely go up even more than that.  I guess I didn't expect it to cost that much money.  Not that I am surprised that it would be expensive, just didn't realize the possibilty of it being that much. 

My frustration comes down to this why do I have to lose so much money, when I did nothing wrong, when does the punishment stop for me???? Honestly, I am not sure how much more of this I can take, I am starting to have a melt down. 

Seriously, then I wonder why he married me under false pretenses, why even bother going there?  None of it makes any sense to me at all.  I guess I am just really over this entire thing & don't want any of it to bring me down anymore.

Moving forward, all this stress has caused me to eat peanut butter cups, I like peanut butter cups & for some reason for the time being they are making me happy.  haha!!! That's just a little funny.  But I need to stop finding happiness in peanut butter cups - can someone help me find a different way to become happy????  I need help from my girls.  Someone please come rescue me from self destruction....

OK I suppose I should end here... Have a good evening everyone!!!!

EDIT

No kidney infection - actually he said it was the back.  Lordy, I have never felt the back pain like that before, honestly thought it was a kidney infection.  The good ole' shoulder has bursitis in it and the stomache, well ibuprophen has taken its toll.  Taking Mylanta now.  Well see how it goes.

Bs 48 at 7:30am.  Orange juice a bagel and some light cream cheese.

I am hurting in the area of the kidney on my back.  It actually started yesterday. And the stomache burning actually started Tuesday. I am thinking the stomache is an ulcer and the back a kidney infection brewing. The shoulder still hurts, Ill be getting that looked at too.  Dr. appointment at noon today. 

You can check this post after 12 to see what the doctor said.

Take care and God bless.

I just wanted to bring to the attention to those out there the meaning of Christmas.  It is about the Christ child who was born this season. So with this is the forefront of my post today, I'd like to remind myself and those of you out there that Christmas is not about gift giving, but the birth of our SAVIOR.

It is hard times right now, with the economy and hopes that it will get better.  There are alot of people without work right now, (my husband included), and sometimes the table seems barren of food, and cheer in the household. But remember, as long as we have the love of the Lord in our heart and souls, we should be able to get through anything, for we must put faith and trust that HE is going to guide and protect us through this valley. SO WITH ALL THAT SAID, I WANT TO BE THE FIRST TO WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS HERE ON CALORIE COUNT.

Today, I decided to bring out the winter holiday cheer clothing.  I am wearing a snowman, sweatshirt.  I thought I'd beat the season itself. LOL

Now as far as the day is going.  Had a really really low blood sugar this morning.  It was 59 and I am sure it was because I had slept in later than normal.  My body is doing some aweful things right now, with this depression I've been in, sometimes sleeping, sometimes lack of sleep and there is no middle road.  At least its been like that for quite some years, I just deal with it. Hence, the times, I talk about not getting sleep and then I talk about its time to go lay back down. Enough of that.

No weigh-in today and right now, I think my appetite is growing but I think my body is shrinking.  Lets hope that is the case.  I've eaten 1340 calories yesterday and 2240 the day before. Can you say food binge for Monday?  I don't know what was going on but it seemed like I had to eat everything in site.  I think I am going to be better today.  We are going to get some exercise in a mall.

Dh has applied for more jobs, which has been ongoing since July..

Take care and God Bless . . . .

I had a bit of a bad morning this morning.  Had to get up at 7.30 to take BF to the train station, which was ok, but when I got home I couldn't get in!  The lock in the front door has been acting up for a while and my key just wouldn't go in the lock.  I was worried I wouldn't be able to get in so got BF to leave the backdoor open just in case, but the side gate was locked and the fence is about 2m so I just couldn't get over it.  ARGHHH.  15 minutes later in the FREEEZING cold weather I manage to get inside and am verrryyy annoyed.  I turned the heating on full blast to warm up.

I only did 13 min on the exercise bike today but that was a stretch as I had to absolutely force myself to.  I have been good though.  I'm usually doing at least 25 min per day, and then we usually go for an evening walk as well.  Upping my exercise means I can eat 1800 and still have about a 700 cal deficit.  I'm soooo less cranky eating 1800 than I was on 1500.  It's AH-MAH-ZING!  I'm definitely hoping for a nice big loss this week.

Ooooooh I made ciabatta bread for the first time ever today!!! You have to ferment a mixture overnight and then add more ingredients in the morning.  I let the breadmaker do all the dough making, but I've punched it down and stretched it into ciabatta shape and will bake it in the oven soon.  I'm just waiting for it to do its final rise at the moment.  Let's hope it's a success!  YUM!