victoriagirl's Journal

Work is hard
Jun 30 2009 10:33

I want to run away from it all right now. I am drowning in work, everything needs attending to immediately, things are getting behind, I feel overwhelmed and my boss is not here to ease my burden. My new coworker is doing some political maneuvering and I am being pushed to the sideline in a project I am supposed to be lead on, apparently she send a draft to the director without even cc-ing me and the director gave her feedback on "her" work, I only found out because the project manager cc'd me in her response. WTF? A part of me wants to relinquish all control, let the new girl fuck it up, a part of me want to struggle to retain control of this project weven though I ahve so little time anyway, but the biggest part want to run and hide. And I am being pressured to work on other stuff too, stuff i ahve no time for but is really quite important to get done, ack.  I'd just about kill for a ranch to go live on right now. I guess cc is my mini ranch.

I am so heartsick too. I hate this stupid commuting, I hate leaving Joel every week, I hate having to come here to spend my weekdays all alone. I hate work, I miss my boss and need her here, everything feels like it's sliding sideways. I feel like crying. There is a bbq here at work today, I want to leave the building and go hide so I don't have to socialize but I feel like I should stay and try to have a chat wit hthe director and casually mention that I am the freakin LEAD on that project. I sent out an email to all thanking her for her helpful feedback and detailing how we would incorporate it...but I have a feeling this is not the end of this. Not at all.

 Weekend was great. I engaged in some shopping therapy, which gives me shopping euphoria, but also makes me feel a bit sick, I can't afford to shop like that. It's just so thrilling to be able to walk in anywhere and try on stuff. I still feel a bit scared, like the salesgirls are probably thinking I am in the wrong store. I went to lululemon to buy my first pair of workout pants there. I have been waiting for a very long time to do that....it was funny cuz when I walked in I tried to look all casual and scope out the sizing surruptitiously...I was horrified when I saw the sizes only go up to a 12. I almost walked out, but a very nice salsgirl came to ask me what I was looking for and I asked about the sizing and she explained that a 12 is not a real 12, it's actually an XL, they just assign a number but it doesn't correspond to regular sizes. And that they did have some styles in a 14 which would be an XXL but that she didn't thik I needed it, a 12 would likely fit. I could have kissed her. And she was right, the 12s did fit. I am the proud new owner of a pair of lululemon workout pants!

On the weekend, well all week really, I also overate. I didn't feel like I was comfort eating but I don't think that it's a coincidence that I am overeating during such a stressful time. Thankfully the scale is holding steady so far. This week I will try hard to get back to my 1700 cal per day target.

Alright back to the grind. Sorry I have not had much time for commenting on journals...I am reading them here and there, feeling connected to you folks help me stay sane.