victoriagirl's Journal

It starts with black bean brownies and ends with veggie terrine, and there's some other stuff in the middle.
Jun 16 2009 14:16

So I finally made some black bean brownies, as per miss sarah's recommendations (bout time right sarah?), and they are SO yummy!! They are denser than a regular brownie and don't get that crunchy-crackly top that regular brownies do (to my recollection anyway - haven't had a real brownie in years) but the fudgy deliousness totally makes up for that. I added an extra 1/4C of cocoa to bump up the chocolateness, and made the beans up from dry to reduce sodium, and slightly undercooked them to keep them moist....ooohhh heaven. And all for 82 calories and just ONE gram of fat per good-sized brownie.

My only issue with them is that the recipe calls for a brownie mix. I don't like using mixes, but wanted to make the original recipe before experimenting. Now that I have confirmed that yes, black bean brownies are not at all beany and are roll-your-eyes-back YUMMY, I am ready to try some stuff...replace the mix with whole wheat cake flour, natural cane sugar, and loads of cocoa....and whatever else usual brownie recipes ask for like baking powder or soda. But, who's going to eat all these brownies??

I wish it was the weekend already, this week is moving soooo slooow. I am crampy. I miss Joel. I don't feel like working yet have so much to do that I feel kinda sick for not working hard to get it done. Sigh. Boo hooing over.

Joel and I are travelling to the Okanagan on Friday to attend his daughter's dance recital. I guess we are driving there and back all in one day as we can't really afford to stay at a hotel right now and the other choice is to stay at his ex's and that is just not happening. I can stand the awkwardness but I can't stand the filth..they keep many pets and are not big on clean-up, so you risk stepping on hamster turds or inhaling a cat-fur dust bunny at every turn. Just can't do it. To each his own, but it's just not for me, not like I'm some great housekeeper or anything but there are limits. So I guess it's going to be a long one-day road trip! And a lot of sleeping in on Saturday :). I am looking forward to it.

Then on Sunday it's Father's Day brunch at my sister's place. I am trying to sell my sisters on the idea of spring-vegetable terrine, as I have a recipe in my fancy french cookbook that I have been wanting to try. My sister asked what's a terrine, and I described the dish to her as "spring veggies like carrots, baby zuchinni, and asparagus that have been lightly steamed then are suspended in a mousse of celeriac puree and cream, and a crust of herb crepes. You chill and slice like a loaf". I am quite sure this is not being met with much enthusiasm (except maybe an enthusiastic BLECH), but that's what you get when you decide the menu without me. I will bring what I want! My older sis tried to "assign" me to bring the bacon or fruit plate, but c'mon, where's the creativity in that? My younger sis is not interested in creative culinary endeavours so volunteered to bring those. As my dish is just an add-on, it won't matter if it's not well-received, or a disaster, that could happen! But I am excited to try. I think today I will pre-make the crepes and freeze them. Or refrigerate...how long do crepes last in the fridge I wonder?

G'bye flex day :(
Jun 15 2009 10:56

So Joel is giving up his flex day to work overtime, as well as extended days during the week. I know he NEEDS to, so I am trying not to be too mopey about it. Obviously it's harder on him that on me, I am trying to be supportive.  I came into work today myself, even though it's still my flex, I figured no point hanging out at home by myself when there's tons of work to be done here and I am taking Friday off, can't really cram all my work into a three day week anyway. Saves me a vacation day. So here I am.

We had a lovely little weekend. I won two H&F canasta games, he won one....but the last one I really creamed him good. It was a serious whooping. He didn't cry like I did when that happened though ;). Speaking of crying, I had a minor meltdown on Sat morning, I took one look in the mirror and was horrified, started crying that I was hideous. It was weird. I wasn't even all that upset...I mean I wasn't pleased with how I looked but it was morning, for pete's sake. I blame the PMS. It's my usual MO; no bitchiness or anything, just some extra tears...I figure that's pretty minor. At least I can identify it now, I used to get even more upset not understanding why I was so upset and freaked out by it LOL. We also biked around some, went to the farmstand in my area and picked up some tomatoes, sugar snap peas, and baby red pepper and zuchinnis. I LOVE fresh local veggies, they are the best. Also loaded up on fruit, though it's mainly Cali friut, too soon for local....and the blueberries, cherries, and strawberries are too hard to resist! Last night I made a cucumber salad with dill right off my balcony and local green onions, it was to die for, as well as the mushroom wild rice- risotto with fresh herbs also that I grew myself. It's so satisfying to eat what you have grown, wish I could do more. But last year the Lettuce and Tomato Fiasco made me eschew trying to grow anything but herbs.

I feel light today. The scale was kind, came in at 236 on the first try, it almost settled on 235.5 (!!) but popped up to 236, hey I'll take it, that's a three lb loss for the week! Yay me! And a new low. I'll be in to 220s before you know it. Today I am wearing an outfit that was among the clothes my friend gave me last year. It is a sort of military tunic except that it's bright pink...I wear it with black capri pants and a black tank top underneath, unbuttoned to the waist, and then it has a tie-belt at the waist. It's super-cute. Late last summer, when I got it, it was quite tight around the belly/ hip area, and now it is loose everywhere. I don't think I can wear it much longer, but I am enjoying the roominess around an area that things are always too tight!

This weekend, Joel told me in all seriousness that he prefers it when I wear fitted clothing rather than loose flowy things, says they look much better. Now I have to take this with a grain of salt, after all this is a man who enjoys looking at me naked after all LOL, so of course to him fitted is better than loose. But I am wondering, have I reached that point where fitted clothing really does look better? I have hid in loose clothes for so long I really don't know. I should qualify that, loose from the bust down, generally tight and/or low cut from the bust up, it's why I love empire waist stuff so much! But maybe my empire waist days are over? Maybe it's ok to wear something that is fitted or maybe even shorter, like a top that does not swathe my entire lower belly/ hip area and actually ends just below the waist? Maybe the idea of tucking something in really is not far off for me? I am always VERY careful to make sure certain parts of me are hidden as well as possible, not that I really thought I was fooling anyone, just that I felt certain parts were so unsightly they were best hidden away. Maybe I am no longer as unsightly as I feel? And maybe it's more flattering to my shape to wear something more fitted and to heck with the fact that my belly is not perfectly flat. It's not the huge bump it used to be, maybe just not worth "hiding" anymore. I don't know who to ask. Not my mother, I am sure that's where I got it in the first place. Not Joel, for reasons discussed above. And I don't know anyone else who would not just be polite. Eh, it's a matter of opinion anyway I guess.

Thank goodless it's lunchtime, I'm starvin Marvin, and looking forward to my left over chicken and risotto, and sugar snap peas, tomato, and cherries!!

The weekend is aaaalmonst heeere...
Jun 12 2009 09:05

Yay for Friday! And yay for weekends that Joel comes here :).

Yesterday I almost got hit on my bike by a lady turning right when I was beside her...I swerved and braked hard and she came to a stop just before her front end hit me, but it scared the poop out of me! My brakes are very worn. Definately time for new ones....so I dropped it off at the shop this morning and walked the rest of the way to work. On the street, I ran into my only friend in Victoria, how funny eh, well I guess not so strange since I was walking right past her work 5 min before starting time lol....ended up going into her office to get a tupperware of mine that she has. When we saw her supervisor, C said "You remember Sherylyn, right?" and he said "yes yes, how are you, are you working here now", etc. I haven't seen him since I worked for their agency, but on the Vancouver side, so I knew him but not very well. Aaaanyway, is it wrong that I am mildly insulted that he recognized me so easily?? Not only am I about 80 lbs less than the last time he saw me, my hair is also completely different AND I was wearing my bike gear and stuff so totally out of context. Those things alone would throw me off, never mind the HUGE WEIGHT LOSS that he didn't seem at all fazed by. Hmph. Of course he did not comment on it either but I would expect that, just not appropriate. A little shock would have been nice though. On the positive side, I guess that goes to show that some people really don't care about a person's weight, or at least it is not the first thing they notice/ identify you with, so that's heart-warming. Hmm. Raises my opinion of him! Anyway i hope I get my bike back before the weekend, they are pretty busy at the shop so it's not a sure thing.

I spent yesterday in jail. The one custody centre of ours that I have not yet toured is ironically the closest one. Our new person had a tour scheduled so I figured I'd tag along. It was a VERY thorough tour, every time we came to a new area the deputy warden, who was giving us the tour, would ask whoever was working in that area to explain what they do. Some people were quite chatty, so it took a very long time, boy was I sorry I wore heels. Today my feet are all swollen on the bottom. But it was really interesting getting such a detailed description of everything and  hearing some funny stories, like about the feces smearer who wrote "Dear Warden, please send me to  (the loony bin), thank you" in poo on the wall and she just said to him "but so-and-so, I am not the Warden, I am the Deputy Warden", so he said "Oh! I am so sorry! Let me fix that!" and smeared it off to re-do it LOL that is classic. Fortunately yesterday he was not in a smearing mood so the unit did not reek when we went through.

Well I hope everyone has a Fabulous Friday and a Wonderful Weekend!

Monday, the bane of my existance.
Jun 08 2009 09:42

The herbs survived their parched weekend, thank goodness! Mostly, anyway...with some TLC they will come back. And my mom gave me some spicy oregano to add to the bunch.

The weekend was great, too short though. Joel and I went for a walk downtown on Saturday, I ended up buying two new pairs of summer shoes - a pair of really cute black sandals with silver studs, and a pair of blue, white, and brown plaid topsiders (remember those from the 80's? They are back!) and also three short-sleeved summer tops for work. Not that I can afford to be shopping, but last week when the warmer weather hit I realized I only have 3 or 4 summer tops that are appropriate for work...so now at least I have enough to get through a week without repeats!And the shoes...well I have no excuse. Sales are hard to resist when it comes to shoes! I did manage to keep the damage minimal.

Sunday we went to my parents' for Sunday dinner, played with my nephew and chatted with mom and sisters, had a very nice time. Over the weekend there was also more canasta, I lost a little more graciously this time and he promised not to rub in the fact that he's two games ahead now.

We talked seriously about what we are going to do about our future, how to make it happen. There are obstacles, big ones. It seems unfair that I finally found the love of my life and we have to work so hard to just be together - and one of us will have to make major sacrifices to make it happen. He's made huge sacrifices for relationships all his life, I really don't want him to have to do it again for me. But, the sacrifices I would have to make instead are even bigger and logistically don't make sense - we are both struggling financially and this would make it much much worse. It makes better sense for him to move here, but the last thing I want is for him to end up resenting me because he had to give up the first job he's ever liked and finally felt like he found his niche. Because of financial complications, it's not likely he will be able to get a similar job here...I won't go into it but it just may not be possible. So it's a real dilemma we have here. He could move here and career-wise have to start all over, or i could move there and we'd have the added and ongoing financial burden and PITA of being an offsite landlord, having to move all my stuff and find a new apartment and he'd have to move too since there's no way I am moving in with him and his roommates, and there's no assurance I can find a job over there either though my chances are better. It's all so complicated. I don't know how it's all going to work out. Ideally we wanted to get married before moving in together, but at this point I would be thrilled if we could just find a way to live together, nevermind the extra complication of a wedding. Geez. Sorry to go on...I am just processing all this and hoping that writing it out may help an idea strike. If anyone could pass on the winning lottery numbers to me I'd be ever so grateful.

I am back in the 240's (241 this morning) but I am not counting it as real. My food choices and exercise were great last week. I am still limping around from the BRUTAL yoga session on Thursday, boy did I ever overdo it, so I am quite sure the extra lbs are from muscle repair-water retention, not because of the extra serving of chicken I had yesterday. That would be crazy.

Work-wise it's going to be a tough week. Heck it's going to be a tough summer. My boss had to suddenly take a 10-week leave for medical reasons, so she made me promise not to go on a TA while she's gone. My chances of getting a TA as a probation officer are pretty slim at this point but my chances were going to be best in the summer, so I am a little disappointed. At least we have a new research analyst on our team, she just started last week (that wouls suck to just start and have your boss leave for 10 weeks!) so hopefully i will have my load lightened a bit, as she is coming in on my projects, but I am worried as she seems a bit....entitled.

So I am going into this week trepadatious, a little sad and worried for my future, both professionally and personally. I wish i knew how to make everything work out.

Silence of the Basil
Jun 05 2009 13:27

I posted a pic of me in my Casual Friday outfit today in my gallery, cuz I am so darn proud of my size 12 top and size 16 pants....it's kinda blurry, oh well. My tightly-bound tummy did not appreciate the big lunch I just had, ouch.

The book club went great, actually no one else liked the book either! No one even finished it except for my friiend C, so I fit right in lol...and the lady who was hosting had the most amazing walk in closet, I took a pic cuz it was so gorgeous, and just little so something I could totally have one day!! She lost 55 lbs nad has maintained it for two years, so when she got her whole new wardrobe she got a whole new wardrobe! SO we had that in common too. And Fluevogs. She has like 10 pairs, omg. The other ladies were all very nice too, very warm and inclusive, the only one I was a bit iffy on was this one lady who was clearly trying to make us all laugh at her stories, she was a little too "on" for my taste but she is new too (just joined last month) and so that's probably her way of trying to fit in. We all ended up talking about pets and other books we have liked or not liked and why, and the lady who picked this book was SO apologetic for picking a dud but hey how was she supposed to know, and reading something you don't like helps our critical thinking skills so it's all good. No one was rude or scathing or judgemental about it, so it was nice to see that everyone is so accepting.....smart cookies too. And one lady has a chicken coop!! I get to hear more chicken stories, yay!

I am SOOOO sore today, yesterday's yoga class was brutal. The instructor showed me a way to modify the backwards plank pose because I just don't have the arm strength to hold it, and so never got to the point of working any other muscles it's supposed to. So she's got me doing some crab thing, and boy oh boy now i can feel it not just in the arms but also my butt, my glutes are screaming every time I stand up and I could ahrdly sleep last night from the aching. I usually don't get muscle ache until a day or two later, so this is really unusual! Yesterday was a serious exercise day...biking in to work then walking up the stairs (before realizing my knees are not cool with that plan at all), yoya at lunch, then I walked back downtown after book club and picked up my bike to bike home (in the dark, no less). It seemed closed when we bussed to get there....but between walking and biking, it took me an hour and twenty minutes to get home, and that was moving fast. So yeah I was pretty hungry as we'd only had sushi and some edamame for dinner, but I managed to just snack on some shrimps and cocktail sauce and crackers.

This morning was a rush, had to pack and stuff, and I forgot to water my herbs, dammit. It's been over 30C for the past two days and I have not watered since Monday....and now I won't be home until Sunday...omg they are so going to die. I am trying to figure out how to get home to water them but I just don't see it happening, I already have to leave so early to take the bus to the ferry, stopping at home would add a whole hour since the buses are so infrequent by my place. Poooooor herbs!!! What a horrible way to die!

Nervous, veerrry nervous...
Jun 04 2009 11:37

I have my first book club meeting today. I hate meeting new people, I am all tensed up about it. I am sure it will be fine, I do need to get out more. I really disliked the book so I am trying to come up with some non-snotty things to say about it.

This morning I took the stairs up for the Stairs Challenge. My knees did not like it at all. I think I may have to stick to the downs for the most part.

Well I am off to get dressed for yoga. And then later I have dinner with a friend before we head to the book club. THen I have to get home to pack for the weekend.

Work had been really icky this week. I am overwhelmed. But, we have a new research analyst starting this week, finally!! Took a year and a half to fill the position (when I was hired , there were two positions to fill, the other has been empty this whole time). She will be taking over/ assisting with a few of my projects thank goodness. Tomorrow we spend some time orienting. I like her so far, seems nice enough. I feel so isolated from the rest of our team, hopefully she will turn out to be a friend to me.

Is it Friday yet???

Dreams and berries and stairs.
Jun 03 2009 09:36

I woke up this morning from a very bad dream. It was truly horrible, I don't know why my brain would come up with such crap. I dreamt I got drunk and cheated on Joel with my icky ex, which would never ever happen, it didn't even happen in the dream but I knew it did, you know? I told him as we were getting dressed that it would never happen again, that i never wanted to see him again, it was OVER, that's something I never really said to him when I broke up with him in real life (I wussed out out did a "maybe we can still be friends" thing that really confused the break up and a month later he actually phoned to ream me out for "forgetting" to let him know I was breaking up with him, it was ugly). Anyway in the dream I was completely devastated, and my parents were a witness to it as we were at their home and they saw him leaving in the morning, and he was eating a big bowl of orange sorbet as he left and left a big smear on the wall. I went to clean it up, and my dad was standing there watching, not knowing what to say to me as I collapsed into a puddle on the floor, sobbing, my heart feeling broken by my own hand, wondering what the h-e-double-hocky-sticks I was going to do. Tell or not tell? Telling would hurt him SO deeply and destroy our trust, he was betrayed in this way quite badly by his ex wife so it would be the worst thing I could do. Not telling would mean I'd have to live with the horrible guilty secret and make my parents do the same, which is so wrong. I was crying so hard in my dream that my chest hurt, I felt completely destroyed. Then I woke up. Why would I dream that?? And why why why with my gross ex who frankly is the LAST person I'd ever sleep with, nevermind the issue of his sexual dysfunction that would make the whole endeavour very very unlikely anyway! And I'd NEVER hurt Joel that way, never never, why would I dream that I did? Ugh. It was all very upsetting to wake up to. If I were going to have such a horrible dream, why could it not have been in the middle of the night so I'd forget it by morning? Now I am stuck with it. Stupid brain.

Boo for bad dreams, but yay for berry season! I picked up some cherries, raspberries, and strawberries yesterday, all reasonably priced. Raspberries are only 1 calorie each, but unfortunately even at the sale price they still work out to about 10 cents each! I guess this year I should do the pick your own thing. My mom and sisters always go, but I don't because I hate it so much. My mom used to make us go when we were teenagers, and I swore I'd never do it again, total boycott on the u-picks, I do love my boycotts! But maybe it's time to end the boycott.

Speaking of doing things I hate....at work we are having a Stair Challenge. I joined. For the mon th of June, we are competing to see who takes the stairs the most (we are on the 5th floor),  two points for up and one point for down...person with most points wins half the pot and the other half will go to charity. Now I KNOW I can't win, there are some people here like my boss who go to meetings several times a day and I rarely leave the floor. So I didn't join to win, I joined because I hate stairs, if that makes any sense. When the elevator broke down a couple of months ago and we had to take the stairs for a week, I cursed those stairs and really really hated having to walk up them. So yeah...I am going to beat those stupid stairs. This morning I steeled myself to take them but the stairwell was locked, oh well!! Guess I start the ups tomorrow. Or maybe today after yoga if it's unlocked. And after the meeting I have this afternoon, yikes what have I gotten myself into!

Criiii-ii-iing over you...
Jun 02 2009 11:13

Seems I am NOT the canasta quen after all. Joel and I played a whole lot of canasta on the weekend, and I lost my three game lead, and am now just even with him. He is getting better and better, and I am just staying the same and having to rely on good cards. Aaaaanyways, I cried in frustration after a most brutal loss, how totally humilating! Crying over cards! I was so embarassed, and felt extra-bad when Joel was clearly not feeling very gleeful over his win because of my tears...I STOLE his joy by crying. I am a bad, bad girlfriend. I tried to tell him it was ok, yes I was mad but just game-mad not mad AT him, and he knows how easy the tears come right....yikes I really have to work on putting on more of a game face!

Other than the crying, it was a great weekend. We biked SO much, a few hours each day. We biked all around Victoria, went to a farmer's market and the Fisherman's Wharf to buy crab and all around town for errands. It was A LOT of biking, we felt so very healthy! When we weren't biking we were playing canasta, it was a big canasta-thon. No time for even a movie lol...it was lots of fun and we had a delicious crab dinner on Sunday and steak on Monday, felt like we were living like kings!

Joel had taken the bus from the ferry as I don't have a car to pick him up/ drop him off anymore...well last night, in a rude return to reality, he missed the last bus to the ferry. We'd forgotten it was Monday and not Sunday so the scedule would be different. He had to take a cab, so it was a very expensive mistake, one we won't make twice I am sure. If it was me, I'd so have cried ;)

In TMI news, my scale was a total bitch this weekend and raised me five lbs. Not really the scale's fault though, I was actually constipated which is extremely unusual for me, I usually go quite a lot. I didn't go at all on Saturday and was quite concerned, and then same on Sunday...can you imagine, five lbs worth of crap backed up!? I was choked because I wanted a good number for my June 1 weigh-in, thank goodness it came back down after a successful bathroom trip or two...but I think it's still not back to normal. How very odd, wonder what caused it.

I am glad it's a short week, I am already pining for Friday.

I am hungry. I am happy. How odd that these things can co-exist!
May 29 2009 16:15

Thank goodness the weekend is almost here! I am looking forward to three whole days of fun in the sun...it's supposed to be a nice weekend and we have plans to hit the farmer's market on Saturday (I found one close enough to bike to) and not sure what else but I am sure it will be fabulous! At some point I will beat the tar out of Joel in canasta...his roommate taught it to us a couple weeks ago and we are hooked, it's SO fun, helps that I win all the time lol I am the canasta queen! I beat them both several times, and then Joel made me stay up really late for a rematch and I REALLY beat him bad, he asked for it! Then last weekend we went and bought 4 decks of cards to play at my place,  he beat me once so I felt it necessary to cream him the next game, hey don't mess with the canasta queen! I am not generally a competitive person but for some reason Joel brings it out in me, he's just so fun to beat! When we were playing CatchPhrase we had to be on separate teams so we could compete, oddly it's not as fun being on the same team as him, I've never experienced that before. I've always wanted the security of being on the same team as my partner (or friend or sister, whoever is there with me), and maybe been a little afraid of being in competition with them, not wanting any animosity to develop. I guess that means I am totally secure in our relationship lol...haha I am going to beat him so hard!

I am chomping at the bit to get out of here, not just for the weekend, but also because I am starving. Ok not literally but I am very very hungry....and there are no snacks to be found. I refuse to go buy something when I have tons of good food at home. I was extra hungry yesterday too, ended up eating 2000 cals instead of my 1700 target, but you gotta do what you gotta do. So I am sitting here planning what to eat that will be the most satisfying for the calories I have left, how sad lol

Yay for the weekend! Have a good one everyone!

Sherylyn's Awesome Caesar Salad
May 29 2009 10:17

I keep meaning to post this for you guys but kept forgetting, also the copy/paste is no longer working for my journal and I can't figure it out, well anyway here it is.

Sherylyn's Awesome Caesar Salad

Dressing:

1/2C Astro Biobest 1% plain yogurt (it's the BEST, but if you can't get it, any other plain low-fat yogurt with no/little thickeners, especially no cornstarch, will do) - drained for an hour in a seive lined with paper towel or coffee filter

1 Tbsp low-fat mayo (I like Hellman's olive oil one)

2 Tbsp red wine vinegar

2 tsp worchestershire

2 tsp dijon mustard

1 tsp anchovy paste

1 clove garlic

cracked pepper

Toss everything into a blender and liquefy. Refrigerate for at least an hour or overnight to re-set yogurt.  This makes enough dressing for about three large salads, I just keep the leftovers in a jar in the fridge.

"Bacon bits":

100g low fat or fat-free ham, chopped into a fine dice (teeny tiny dice)

Spray a pan with cooking spray, set to medium heat and add ham bits. Cook, stirring, until bits brown and begin to jump like popcorn. You might need a lid to comtrol the popping if they are not brown yet.

Croutons:

I use homemade bread but any multigrain will do. Cut a thick slice into cubes. In a bowl, spray cubes with olive oil  cooking spray and toss with cayenne pepper, italian herbs, and some cracked black pepper. Bake on a cookie sheet at 350F until golden brown and crisp, about 15 or 20 minutes - watch them, they burn rather suddenly!

Assemble:

In a large bowl, toss washed/dried torn romaine lettuce, a few tablespoons of dressing, ham bits, croutons, and a tbsp or two of grated parmesan cheese. Toss well to coat lettuce, add more dressing of needed (depends on how much lettuce you've got in there). Add a little at a time, you do NOT want it too wet.

Serve with some lemon wedges.

Variations:

Add chopped sundried tomatoes with dressing

OR

Add some mixed sprouts (lentil garbonzo bean mix), pea shoots, and alfalfa sprouts to the lettuce.

Enjoy!!!