wakingeye's Journal

Ditching Ana's thoughts for a Personal Trainer
Nov 11 2009 22:07

So I've been going to the gym about 4-5 times a week if I can.  But I've noticed that if I can't go one day, I feel guilty.  I know I shouldn't, but I do.  If I eat something really bad, I feel guilty opposed to saying "ok, guess I'll have salad for dinner" or something.  I know it's my past creeping up into my thoughts again, but I've been there, done that, and have the physical and emotion scars.  We're not taking that route again.  Every day I have to remind myself of who I am, where I am, what I'm doing, where I'm going, and how I need to get there.

I've been going to the gym for a few weeks now and have booked my first appointment with a personal trainer for next Saturday.  Let's see how this goes!  It's really for an assessment of where I am and a look at how I can achieve my goals.  I'm hoping that by speaking with a trainer, it'll give me a better idea of what I should be doing and hopefully let me know that what I'm currently doing isn't incorrect.

The tough thing for me is also that I'm breastfeeding (pumping though), so even though 1.5 lbs a week is healthy weight loss, I shouldn't really expect to lose more than that in a month!  Rapid weight loss is a big no-no while breastfeeding... or so they say.  But as long as I can make it to at least 6 months with pumping, I'll be happy with that.

For weight loss, CC puts me at 1500-1600 calories, but I know I should add about 300-500 for breastfeeding.  But whenever I see my counter go over that 1500, I cringe...

It's funny to think that even though I've "recovered", Ana will always be a part of my life.  Whether I listen to it or not.