weightconsious's Journal

Feel so lifeless nowadays..
Mar 15 2009 13:13

i give up..there's no use anymore..i can't stop the binge..31000 calories just for this week..and I call myself someone wanting to lose weight? More like wanting to gain weight..Like this morning, 5000calories binge and i fall into slumber the next thing..weight gain, 6.6 pounds since February..Maybe everyone's right..I'm just a useless no-will girl..No one would ever love you.. Everyone's weird look when I'm eating is too scary..I don't care!! I'm not going to cure or do anything anymore.. I'm going to the extreme now..

Am i still a bulimic?
Mar 14 2009 09:18

I always binge in..Because of fearing of weight gain, and trying not to purge, I will drink TONS of water to flush most of it out..so am i?

Should i eat after binging in?
Mar 11 2009 15:29

see, on my last journal, I talked about an act of idiocy which is binging in..So i was afrad to eat or drink anything today.. I'm not hungry though.. and I'm afraid caused i gained weight..

I step on the scale today..Its 54 kg when i woke up and 53.5 when i weigh at a pharmacy an hour ago.. Is it real? Cause i haven't been eating anything since lst night 7 pm..

sigh..again..
Mar 10 2009 19:07

sigh..binge in again..

for dinner i have,

1 Large Mars bar and 1 Large Snickers

10 love letter

5 tuna in oil sandwiches

5 peanut butter sandwiches

4 peanut brittle

1/2 fried fish

and all this doesn't include lunch and breakfast..Its like 6000 calories all together..sigh..

I WON THE 5K MARATHON>.
Mar 07 2009 22:09

I WON>.< I WON >.< First time..hehe.. First and last time to win the 5k marathon at school.. so happy.. don't know why today so bersemangat to run.. my leg actually doesn't feel tired.. I think it has something to do with the 2 SNICKERS (L) bar and 3 sandwiches i had for breakfast..sugar overload..haha.. I'm dancing, I'm happy, I'm dancing the happy dance.. So proud of myself..happy sigh..cheers..

hmm..is 34minutes good enough for one who haven't train for months?

Midnight binge..again..and weird dream..
Mar 06 2009 13:16

damn it! Its so hard not to binge when one couldn't sleep at night.. Ok..let's review back what I HAD for SUPPER till 2 in the MORNING!

1 50g Cadbury Caramello..

2 SNICKERS 60g

4 oranges

1 serv of tuna in mayo

10 pieces of whole grain bread

3 slices pineapple

then somehow, when i fell sleep,finally..I had a weird dream..I think I was playing games with my friends and when I stopped and chat with one of my old friends who i haven't saw for a long long time she said, "You look different..Too thin..You're ugly.."

Any meaning? All i remember next is walking away and then i woke up..

Fat's fallacy
Feb 28 2009 17:58

I just read a few chapters of Fats Fallacy by someone-lazy want to look at the name..XD

anyway, I so AGREE with the dude.. He emphatise mostly on the French Diet's of high fat and high carb lifestyle yet, has the lowest percentage of obesity..

I been following high fat style or eat whatever I REALLY want.. I don't care about eating SNICKERS for midnight snack.. I found out, after a few days, eating high fat food actually STOPS me from binging... MEanwhile, when I eat LOW fat food, such as 3 am today, I binge in a lot.. Which I totally blame it on the low fat stuff..

Anyway, just saying, I"M SICK OF LOW FAT/CARB DIET.. The main thing is one should enjoy what they really want..

p/s : That doesn't mean eating thousands and thousands of burgers and fries..

p/s : I really recommend Fats Fallacy.. Maybe you guys can check it out and see if we have the same opinion..

Binge in at 3 am
Feb 28 2009 10:37

sigh..i binge in at 3 am today..so sad..i had a whole loaf of peanut butter sandwiches and one pack of noodles.. man, i was doing good for the past 3 days..shucks..

"DON"T FRET OUT !!!! Just try to be good slowly..try 4 days..then 5 days..then slowly stop binging in.." inner voice said..

sigh..okey dokey..

Eating high fat instead of low
Feb 27 2009 21:58

instead of eating low fat stuff, I been having high fat stuff such as SNICKERS / MILKY BAR every day.. I'm trying to stay off diet but I wanted to try this.. According to research, when one eat high fat food, they tend to get satisfy faster and the messages of full will reach the brain faster.. So far so good.. I find SNICKERS bar really filling and satisfy my hunger due to the high fat.. However , I don't think I'm gonna do this for long because it might caused spots and pimples easily..sigh..

So many people told me..
Feb 25 2009 19:10

well, so many people had to told me to stop diet including few of my friends who knew of my bulimic problem.. I told one of them who I trust very much to keep whats important to me secret. I said, "I read a book recently, and I'm gonna try to be myself.." However, the journey is hard..

My mum once asked me, "What is wrong with you? Prefer to be call handsome instead of pretty..and stop your dieting thing!!"

SO i told her whats been in me all the time. I hate to be the ugly one.. I hate it when I was growing up, no one ever seems to tell me I'm pretty or cute or anything.. Not that I remember..

Then my mum said I was cute as a child and i laughed and told her she just say it to make me feel better and its not working.. Why she never told me I'm pretty before? Maybe if she did, I won't be such a boy..

My mum said she doesn't want me to grow up to be someone who thinks she's pretty and so on.. But a nice compliment once in a while won't do much harm, would it? So now, my mum calls me pretty lots of time and I don't believe her.. I told her I was tired of hoping to be call pretty and now, I choose to be call handsome.. Its much more easier.. A short hair and some slouching,plus a broader shoulder than average makes me looks like a boy.. My friends once said that if no one saw my boobs, I look totally like a boy, not too handsome, just kind of good looking..lol..

guess its another out of topic journal..