weightconsious's Journal

this week calories intakes
Apr 26 2008 13:25

monday : 3k calories

tuesday 3k calories

wednesday : 0 calories

thursday : 3k calories

friday : 0 calories

saturday : 4.5 k calories

sunday : hopefully its 1k only but i know thats impossible..

sulking during friend's birthday..
Apr 20 2008 10:36

yesterday,i went to jj to celebrates a friends birthday..but i was really quiet unlike usual..its not that i want to behave like a kid,sulking i think..but i couldn't help it..my body gets tired after half-day at school and it just gets into lazy mode..even when we went to the arcade,i don't feel like playing much..i feel so bad to act like this during someone's birthday..i'm such a jerk..I AM SORRY,JEN!!

feeling unsecured..
Apr 16 2008 18:02

today i binge in again..yes,thats the word..binge..B-I-N-G-E!!

maybe i'm just that useless like my mum use to say..I"M USELESS..wahahaha!!

i'm crying inside but why couldn't that damn tears come out..i don't know what else i should do..i thought about suiciding,but on second thought,there are still something that i haven' t done,and i don't want to die before i do that..

i know people been giving me advice,but i really going to fast..its the only punishment i can give to myself..i'm those lazy kind of person who want to lose weight without exercise,thats why i doing this..

5000 calories today and i remix a song to cheer up
Apr 13 2008 17:54

argh!!!5000 calories i had today...and i call myself one of the dieters..man,swt..XD..why am i still so happy?lol..actually..i'm feeling sad..just trying to cheer myself up..here a song i remix to remix my feelings..

If you happy and you know it

clap ur hands,

if you happy and you know it,

clap your hands,

if you happy and you know it and you really been good this week,

then you are allow to have some cake you want.

If you upset and you know why,

slap urself,

if you upset and you know why,

kick urself,

if you upset and you know it,

that the reason is you binge in,

if you upset and you know it,

go for FAST.

If you half-half and you know it,

be normal,

if you half-half and you know it,

be yourself,

if you half-half and you know it,

then you surely will be notice,

that the scale didn't budge abit at all..

4000 calories again..man,why m i so useless?and RACHEL,YOU ARE BANNED FROM READING MY BLOG!DON"T MAKE ME *molest you* at SCHOOL!!XD
Apr 09 2008 17:53

oh man,i wonder which is worst?gaining weight or diabetes?wait..i think its diabetes..and i probably would get it if i continue snacking like this*

my snack today : 4 peanut butter sandwiches,10 chocolates crackers sandwiches.

all this including my meal will up to 4k calories..man,do i hate myself!

i need weight loss as fast as possible..and i can't do it at home..HOME=FOOD=LOSING WILL=BINGE=CRY..this is the cycle of my life.

if i'm outside,OUT=CYBER CAFE=MONEY BYE BYE=ENERGY LOSS=BAD EYESIGHT..

among this two,i prefer the 2nd one even though i have to kiss my money bye bye..but its so hard to stay outdoors alone..so next week,i'm gonna try staying at school library and sleep there..*they got sofa there*..if my mum ask why i stay outside everyday,my answer will be,"wasting my time"..

ps : I'm very cheeky..

my list of encouragement?
Apr 08 2008 15:26

the thing i want to do when i reach 53 kg..

1 : HAVE SOME PANDAN CAKE..(i been resisting it for years even though i can

       afford tonnes of it)

2 : Treat my family to dinner when i can eat happily with them.

3 : Have cake as breakfast a day after my birthday

4 : Go for breakfast with my friends after wushu and EAT ROTI CANAI with them.

Thats all for now..

My home,my family and my mum..
Apr 06 2008 17:50

recently..or precisely,before this month..my relationship with my family(mum and bro) improve..we talk more often than before..talk about why we should help beggars and disable person stuff..mum has trouble with believing those people needs help..not her fault though..i understand too that some people were used to trick money but me and my bro told her that its not their wish to be kidnapped by rogue and gets their limbs cut off to be beggars..and if they don't get certain amount of donation,those rogue might not let them eat..i guess we has influence her...She starts to donates to those physically disable person..YAY MUM!!

but i realize something..every time i talked about diet and fasting,mum goes annoy and we would end up arguing..usually after arguing i'll be into some sort of fast as protest and ANGER MAKES MY STOMACH FULL..i know thats she is worry about me..but why can't she support me?like few days ago,when i told her i want to fast the next day,she goes and cook black sesame soup with yam(i love that) and i got so fed up that i completed my fast that day..but the next day,she started nagging and say i'm doing it the wrong way..after she left for work,i start binge eating again with sandwiches and the cold leftover black sesame soup with yam(like ice-cream) until 3000 cals..i'm so upset..but i feels a lot better since i didn't feel dizzy after i ate..guess its not a good idea to fast during TTOM..lol..

anyway,i love my mum..a whole lot when we were chatting..a whole less when we are arguing..i wants to get to my ideal weight before mother's day,so that i can treat her with something like pizza(got a voucher XD)and eats happily with her..
Its something i been wanting to do for years..goes out with a single worry about calories and stuff..

yay..1 more kg to go..
Apr 06 2008 10:17

yesterday,i weigh myself after 3 hours in cc(cyber cafe) with my friends..yay!!i'm 54..but is that the real weigh or temporary since i didn't eat much that day..however,i'm still happy..i'll weigh in again the next time i went to shopping complex..

3rd day..
Apr 02 2008 17:56

cry..today the third day of the week..the past two day i been eating 1500-1700 k..today i bash it..3100 k!!damn it..i hate staying at home..i always binge in at home..

i'm a failure..
Mar 29 2008 16:51

sigh..i couldn't do it due to because i'm home alone all day...darn it!next week,i'm really gonna diet!i really need alot of support from CC since i couldn't get it from my mum..other then wanting to look good,i also want to end this as fast as possibly since i couldn't concentrate on my studies during my diet and i just started form4..i don't want to spend the rest of the year worrying about my weight..