whatkatydid's Journal

keep going..
Jul 12 2009 19:12

Not had the best of days.

Had news today that my grandmother is very unwell. She has been fighting cancer on and off for many years now and at the age of 86 she has done well to get as far as she has. I have been saying for a few months now that I wished that her time would come as I hated to see her suffer so much.

But now that the time has come, its hard to accept that soon she wont be here anymore. And its hard that I live far away from her. I want to go and see her but its not practical for the whole family to arrive at once so its just my Mum and her sisters who are there just now. Too many children/grandchildren to all see her.

So its just a case of waiting for the inevitable now.

I managed to eat two chocolate bars in the course of the day and about twice as much pasta as I actually needed for dinner.

Not going to use this as an excuse for eating badly though, my Gran would berate me for that. And life is going to throw things at us, cant use each time as an excuse to go back to bad old habits. Tommorow is a new day, a new week and I will carry on with the healthy choices I have been making.

Things will get better.

scales scales scales
Jul 04 2009 20:41

so.

I weighed myself at the gym yesterday and found that I was 239lbs. This would mean that I had put on 3lb this week. I wasnt happy as have been working my ass off this week.

so i went home thinking gym scales must be wrong. so went on my scales. 235, then went on again and they said 238, a third readng said 243.!! I tested them with a bag of flour and got a different weight each time I put it on..

so i guessed that my ancientscales had given up after all i had put them through. I was raging. I couldnt trust any of the previous weights I had taken. I have no idea waht my true start weight or weigh-in los have actually truly been!

after intial anger, i am seeing the funny side now and have bought a brand spanking new set of digital scales. they read 239 ( bloody gym had to be right!)

so im starting afresh this week, not going to let this technical disaster put me wrong. just going to be patient and see what the (new) scales say next week.

Not going to weight in tmo so shall hopefully be logging an ( accurate) loss this time next week.

Am really feeling good about all of this at the moment, im actually enjoying making 'good' choices and feeling more in control of eating. this fels different from previous ill-fated attempts at shifting weight, fingers crossed this time really is different.

paul mckenna
Jun 30 2009 20:22

sooo.

I have heard a lot about Paul McKenna and his book 'I can make you Thin'. But I was skeptical. But people I knew raved about it and lost weight.

So Im just over half ay through thr book and have listened to the CD a few times (but always fall asleep before the end!! He says his doesnt matter though..)

And yesterday and today I have automatically been making healthy choices. Not finishing whole portions and have refused chocolate cake!! NOt because I think I 'should' but because I realise I dont want it and am not hungry for it.

Im going to finish the book and see how it goes. I think it makes a lot of sense for me as I always knew I was an emotional eater and this book draws attentio to how to stop this and make food about food again.

This may be a total placebo effect and wear off but Im going to give it a fair go.

back on the wagon
Jun 24 2009 20:39

had a bit of a mishap yesterday. Was at a friend's party at started off well on the veggies and fruit. then had a small glass of wine as reward for being so 'good'

this weakened my resolve and soon i was eating bread,cheese and choc cake. total binge!

Was pretty pissed off with myself but had to get over it and see that I made a bad choice, but need to get back on track.

was really good today to compensate and have been exercising loads this week so hopefully the scales will reflect this.

going shopping tmop to buy new gear for starting running class next week. figure will enjoy it a bit more if i have one nice outfit for running in!!

think the key to this is stop thinking of it like a 'diet' and start seeing it as the new healthy wasy of living that I am taking on. Its not 'until' i lose weight, the changes now are how I will live from now on. just have to knock these bad habits on the head and stop using food as 'reward' or to make things seem better on a bad day. its like having to remove the emotional connection to eating and start seeign food as, well just food!!

hard to break the habits of a lifetime passed down from a food obsessed mother and grandmother. but it needs to happen now.

eek, running!
Jun 16 2009 23:23

Right, iv just found a running school nearby who do a beginers running class for a reasonable price.

Iv just booked and paid for it so that I dont make excuses.

Although I walk lots and like gym classes, when I go to the gym I never run on the treadmill. I feel really clumsy and heavy-footed and like veryone is looking at the fat girl trying to run. ( total paranoia, but gyms do that to me)

My annual gym membership is up next month nd Im thinking of not renewing it. In these credit crunch times it is a luxury I should maybe cut back on. I need an alternative though. So I thought running. running is free. And its summer here so of course I am ignoring what will happen in winter and its minus something and snowing and I would have to be a blinking loon to go outside to run.

Only problem is I dont seem to be able to run on my own. I feel self concious, like im doing it wrong, and being all fat and 'thumpy' with my feet.

So the idea of a beginers group where we can all be red and thumpy and ungainly together really appeals to me. The woman who does the classes apparently turns miracles with people. She will have to in order to turn me from a stomper to a runner.

Starts 1st july so I have time to prepare for this. Another new challenge.

this time it is different
Jun 16 2009 19:01

This is not the first time I have decided to lose weight.  In fact, just over two years ago I was 294lbs. I did weight watchers for a while, lost 30lbs with them. I was finding it hard to stick to meetings and got a bit bored with counting points. I wanted to learn more about healthy choices, nutrionally good food not just all about points and weight loss.

So I left weight watchers and went it alone. lost another 30lbs. Then about six months ago I stopped thinking about myself and my weight ( or at least put it ti the back of my mind!!) I have put on about 15lbs and hate it!! I stopped exercising as much and enjoyed drinking without thinking about the calories.

I need to get back on track with theweight loss as it seems there a lot of things Im putting off until I lose weight and am happier with how I look.

This seems like a good place to do it. Really determined this time will be the time to make a permanent life long change to how i view ( and eat!!) food and exercise. I am young, and I want to feel young and healthy instead of tired and overweight.

A new begining!